Husband blames me for his cheating and pending divorce beacuse Aprx.10 yrs before we were married, I broke up with him,dated someone 3 months later slept with him 1 time I ending up back with him,told him, we have since had many arguments about this situation. He view this as cheating and says I broke our bond. I told him before we got married if he was not over the situation not to marry me. The other guy and I are members of the same church he does not come often I attend reguraly. and we have no communication.Before marriage my husband attended church with me and seemed ok with it. After we got married he did not want me to attend that church anymore. I told him that I would leave only if he attend another church with me he told me to stay so I stayed. I was open to leaving until he made threats which I told him I would not leave if he had to act that way. I had offered to leave later he said it was too late. I know I should have left but did I cause him to cheat.
2007-07-20 02:25:37 · 22 answers · asked by cuylee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
normally i would say absolutely not but i always take in both perspectives but my answer to you is actually ?'s you have to answer for yourself one why do you think he cheated it says in your quata that you your self were with another man and you have to understand from a mans point of veiw that is very crushing to know that some other guy had himself inside the woman you love after a that happens in a relationship rather it be the man or woman who has cheated things are never the same even though you only did it one time thats one time enough some guys can forgive and foget but others like myself cant im not married but i have had several long long term relations and i was engaged once but never married in the times i was in those relationships i never once cheated but like i said im not the type to forgive and forget see i didnt cheat until i found out she had cheated on me thats the way ive always been i will be loyal and faithful till the end as long as you are for instance the girl i was engaged to ended up confessing to me that she had been with another man witch i imidiately forgave her however soon after i went out and found someone to cheat on her with u see to me i will forgive you and i will stay with the person i love b/c true love is to hard to find but dont think for a minute that after i find out youve cheated on me im not going to go out and do the same not b/c i want to but b/c i feel it neccisary* to make the one that did that to me feel the way she made me feel when she did what she did in other words its kind of an imature way of getting back at you and i just think maybe thats what happened here as for him telling you what you can and cant do or where you can nd cant go you have to understnd relationships are not about love because love is not just one thing love is a mixture of things and one of those is trust and i can see why he doesnt want you to be around this guy b/c at this point in yalls marriage trust has flown out the window so did you cause him to cheat no that was his own choice but did you cause the chain reaction that lead him to cheating yes but again if you 2 are really meant for eachother then it will be and time will heal all the question is do either of you have the patience to do so
2007-07-20 05:16:53 · answer #1 · answered by Dylan J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no excuse for cheating. Why would he change if given a second chance. He got away with it the first time. And deep inside ,will you ever trust him again. Every marriage has it's problems and it's perks. Cheating is not a perk. He was not fully in the marriage if he cheated. Drinking is not an excuse. Nor is this other woman chasing him. Should you have been more passionate with him, maybe. But that is no reason for what he did. Honestly, I would just learn from this and move on. There is men out there who would be honest with you and this just tells me that your husband knows what he did was wrong and is not accepting responsibility or his actions. Let him go. He knew it would hurt you and he knew it would jeopardize your marriage. Yet he still cheated. Respect yourself and find a man that is worth your love and time.
2016-04-01 03:34:15 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!!!! His cheating is NOT your fault. In fact, I'll tell you a secret: I didn't even read your long story. It is completely irrelevant. Even if problems in the marriage exist, and even if they possibly are your fault, there are two things to consider:
1. With the exception of abuse, most marital problems are two-way streets. If is highly unlikely it is just you. What did HE do to fix these problems? Cheat on you? Even if the problems were all your fault, then what did that solve? How did that help? Two wrongs don't make a right. There are mature, adult, and RIGHT ways to resolve problems. He should have worked at resolving your problems, went to counseling with you, and did everything he could to make it right. If he really loved you and was a righteous person, that is what he would have done. If he couldn't and you refused to work with him, then a divorce was in order. Then he could sleep with whomever he wanted.
2. Problems in the marriage are a pathetic excuse to cheat, and often it is just that: the problems were his excuse because he was going to cheat anyway. When a spouse cheats, they are GUILTY, and they become defensive and try to deflect blame from themselves. It is obvious he is doing just that. What a pathetic loser.
It is time for you to either get you and him into a marriage counselor, or for you to call an attorney and review your options. Depends on whether or not you think the marriage is worth salvaging. Personally, I don't think I would, but you know your heart better than I do. Good luck!
2007-07-20 02:36:41 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2007-07-20 05:40:26 · answer #4 · answered by bylovemagic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not cause him to cheat. He is completely out of line to say you caused his cheating and your divorce. He should never have married you if he could not get over something that you were honest and up front with prior to the marriage. You may have done something you should not have but that was before you got married and you told him and he knew this going into the marriage. Changing churches in my opinion is irrelevant and if he chooses not to go then that's his decision and should not force you to make a change if he won't go to another church with you. I feel for you and I am sorry for what your going through. I hope you can move on and make a better life for yourself. God Bless
2007-07-20 02:42:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nobody can cause anyone to cheat, despite what others may say. He needs to be an adult and face the consequences of a choice HE alone made. Your infidelities weren't actually infidelities because you weren't even together then, so his blaming you is just plain wrong and very misguided. You could have changed churches with or without your husband attending with you, as you do have a "history" with the other man and that would have made that less of a problem, but it in no way, shape or form gives him the go ahead to have an affair. You are NOT to blame.
2007-07-20 02:38:12 · answer #6 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop it. Your husband is responsible for cheating on you and that's all there is to it. When you broke up with him and began dating someone else, you were perfectly within your rights. You were not married to this man. If you two guys got back together, that's fine; but it has nothing to do with his cheating during the marriage. He's using the past to get out of trouble, but it won't work.
Your husband has behaved like a child. First he wants you to leave your church, then he doesn't. He cheats in the marriage and blames you for it, because of something that happened ten years ago (when you weren't married to him!). He's ridiculous and you need to stop blaming yourself. If he's sorry for what he's done and wants to get back with you, he needs to say that. If you're willing to take him back, you need to say that as well. Otherwise, let him go; he's a child.
2007-07-20 02:37:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, his cheating is NOT your fault! Cheating is no one else's fault except the person who cheated. He sounds like my husband (who also cheated on me)...very controlling. And he will probably never take the blame, so he will try to keep blaming you. But he had other options. He could have chosen to forgive you and love you since you are his WIFE. He could have also chosen to at least divorce you first before finding another woman. He did none of that! I hope you don't plan on taking him back. I don't believe you should forgive someone for cheating unless they are truly, truly remorseful for what they did. Your husband is not remorseful if he is still blaming you.
Please, try not to listen to what he says (I have a hard time with that too). You have to just keep your chin up and know in your heart that this was not your fault no matter what he says.
2007-07-20 02:44:19 · answer #8 · answered by lookoutthewindow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you were never unfaithful to your husband, he had no reason to behave in the manner in which he did. If anyone is to blame for his cheating, it's him. He knew that he shouldn't have married you if he wasn't over your having been with someone else. He's just placing the blame on you so that you feel guilty for his wrongdoings.
But, on the bright side, at least you no longer have to defend yourself over something that happened ten years ago. Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, but it's sounds like yours has always been in a downward spiral and is just now coming to an end. Be thankful that you're rid of that weasal. No one in their right mind could blame you for his cheating. So, what does that say about your soon-to-be ex-husband?
2007-07-20 02:42:07 · answer #9 · answered by emmajane06 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one can make anyone cheat, it is an individuals decision to cheat. There may have been factors that pushed him to cheat, but by no means is it your fault! It sounds to me like he is trying to take away his level of responsibility. As you said, you two were not married when you were dating another man, what you did with him really was not any of his business. It sounds like he can not let go of the past, and if the only thing that he can say is in regards to something that happened ten years ago...tell him to quit looking for excuses, man up and start talking about what the real issue is, if it is even worth your time. Keep your head up, and I wish you the best of luck.
2007-07-20 02:34:15 · answer #10 · answered by a_sweet_one_2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋