im divorced and hav 2 kids and live on my own and even then my mum controlles me to the extent that its becum suffocating she even cums to live with me cuz she dus not think i shud live my own life im very unhappy about situation .thanks for all support, silky1978
2007-07-19 23:56:13 · 13 answers · asked by silky1978 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
oh sweety, i can just imagine the frustration. moving away isnt the option? i think you need to be far away from her so she can see your mature, capable and independant.
good luck...
kendi
2007-07-19 23:58:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Mum and I had the most wonderful relationship, but it was controlling. We moved together, was in business together. No boyfriend was ever good enough for me.
I am 35. But, I have no regrets as she passed away last year, and you only get one Mum. Two points: its probably a lack of a close relationship in her life (man) that makes her so dependant on you... because the control is actually a dependency. My Mums' Mum was the same, and she moved in with my Mum and Dad when I was just three. Don't just continue as you are because you will end up bottling so much resentment, and this is very unhealthy in the long run for you and your children... You may even end up repeating the situation as unlikely as that may seem now.
Secondly, are you on your own now? Because you need support from your guy (if there is one) He is detached from the Mum/Daughter relationship. How about your ex? are you on good terms... he could try to intervene for the sake of your children....Do you have brothers or sisters that could take off the pressure?
Whatever you do, try to talk to her....Explain that you will never abandon her, but you must reconstruct your life now for the sake of her grandchildren. Be careful you do not lean on her, because then she will lean on you.
2007-07-20 00:28:19 · answer #2 · answered by rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a job of your own that can support you and your kids?
Do you have enough courage to move to another part of the country where you can start a life without the meddling of your mom?
You are 29 and your mom should realize that she is setting you up as a bad example for your kids.
These children look up to you, but how can you expect them to become better persons someday when you are a very weak foundation for them to lean on?
You have to stand up for yourself. Otherwise you are leading yourself and your children to a life of misery.
If your mom can control you, she too can control your children.
Think about that and start standing for your right...
2007-07-20 00:00:56 · answer #3 · answered by attyjudz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mum needs to see a counsellor. Manipulations and blackmailing aside, the fact that she is coming up "harming herself" indicates a deeply disturbed person.
Be warned though. Often without realising it, we internalise things taught to us by those who are unstable or have strange beliefs but "good intentions". Be prepared to do some clearing of your own head as well.
You could try this book - which I recommend a lot to people on this thing - but hey, if it works, it works.
"You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay
2007-07-20 00:37:41 · answer #4 · answered by KD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom that you are 29 years old and need to have some privacy from your mother. Tell her that you appreciate all that she has done to help you, but it is time to become independent. Tell her that you would love to have her visit occasionally, but you are perfectly capable of raising the children without her help. If worse comes to worse, tell her that if she does not quit suffocating you, you will take the children and move to another city.
2007-07-20 00:03:35 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your mum is making excuses to stay with you as she is lonely herself and this will be the main reasons to why she is being harsh with you in critising everything you do. Tell your mum its your house and your old enough to be on your own and you dont want her staying over. If she threatens self harm then tell her she needs help and try to arrange this with the doctors or a councellor. Let your mums comments go in one ear and out the other. Im on this website www.meetyourmessenger.co.uk. Why dont you have a look on and see who is in your area and if you'd like to chat search my postcode DL12 9DY. Good luck hun xXx
2007-07-20 00:10:04 · answer #6 · answered by samantha b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from your Mum. If you want to help her then tell her she needs to get some professional help, but don't try to help her yourself. Tell her you are 29 years old & you don't want her living with you & get on with your own life. Good luck. I have the same issues with both of my parents. I am 30, & I have finally got my own life that doesn't involve them. It can seem harsh, but believe me it is the only way unless they are willing to get help & change.
2007-07-20 00:02:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey honey. I thought you were a teenager - it's just awful you're mum's treating you like this when you're an adult with your own life.
You need to get firm with her. You're young and got a life ahead of you. She's jealous. You are a good person and you deserve a good life - get rid of her. Also think of the impact on your kids with them seeing you treated like this. Show them you love yourself.
2007-07-20 00:00:06 · answer #8 · answered by Janey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not alone in this I am almost in the same situation so I can empathise, Keep your chin up its difficult I know, but hopefully there will be light at the end of the tunnel!
2007-07-20 00:03:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think that she may do this because she is afraid you make bad choice again as you did in the past
2007-07-20 00:00:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋