addicted ?

Question

Hello, I have posted here because I am married for 21 years and have a problem which I think is an addiction more than anything else. I have not ever been with another woman and feel somehow that I need to experience it with someone else no matter how brieflly before its too late and I am no longer attractive to others ( I'm making a big assumption here that I am at all). I dont have the feeling that I want to abandon my marriage and children for the sake of satisfying my curiosity about this issue but unfortunately the thought doesnt go away particularly when there is a potential to do something - there is a very attractive person at my work who is very lively yet wise and understanding and things could develop further but I feel guilty about the deceit and not being able to be seen together etc.
This is not something I feel at all should be discussed with my wife as it is an unpleassant situation to present to someone unless you are sure you want to end the relationship.

Answer 1

So you want to get out there while you still can get it up. Go ahead ruin your marriage, she's bound to find out because the guilt will be written all over your face in capital letters.

Answer 2

Don't ruin your relationship with your wife & children over this. It is not worth throwing away 21 years of marriage. How would you feel if your wife had an affair with someone else? If you are unhappy with your marriage then get a divorce, but playing away from home isn't fair on anyone. Did you marry when you were young? If so you may be feeling as though you have lost some of your youth. Please seek some marriage guidance counselling before doing something you may regret. This can be sorted out if you work out the reason behind your feelings. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you were addicted you would not have the time to think about cheating, you would be doing it and doing it with everyone. Addiction is a whole different animal and you can't just think about it and stop it. It sounds more like there are underlying issues in your marriage. Perhaps there are intimacy issues..a reason you want to put distance between you and your wife. You may be angry at her for some reason. Bored with the way the relationship is now. Perhaps talk to her about these issues first before you take the plunge and risk losing everything as these other intelligent people have accurately said.

Answer 4

Are you serious your willing to give up 21 years of marriage just so you can scratch an itch.My husband had an affair for 2 1/2 years and almost got away with it,but the other woman (co-worker) made sure he wasn't just going to walk away from her. She planted things in his car that i fount like a CD of all love songs that was put in a Vince Gill CD case, a pair of women's thongs and lipstick. Let me tell you what it did to me, it put me in a place were nothing i was doing seemed real i couldn't eat or sleep all i was doing was crying and losing weight. Before i fount out what he had done, I loved my husband so very much and was proud of him,I enjoyed sex with him and never said no,was willing to try new and different things in and out of bed.I would look at my husband and say to myself,how did i get so lucky and we had a son who was 13 at the time all this was going on. We had a good marriage and a good life together so i thought. When i fount those things it was like someone turned off a light switch inside of me. I no longer respect my husband and still to this day when i look in his eyes i no longer see his love only lies and deception. He knows I'll never forgive him because to forgive someone is telling them it's OK what they did to you. How does one forgive something they will never forget. Why is this only about you,don't you think your wife gets tired of looking at you day in and day out sure she does but she thinks more of her family then her own self. If you do this you will get caught just ask my husband and millions of others who cheated i bet everyone will tell you the same thing it isn't worth it.To sleep with a co-worker you got to be out of your mind. Say you have sex with this woman once and that's all you wanted, well it might not be all she wants,now she has your job hanging over your head not to mention she can now tell your wife. If you still go with your feelings and sleep with this woman after all these answers then you deserve to lose everything you spent years building up. All gone for a piece of a s s .

Answer 5

Well, would you want your wife doing this to you? Are you saying you want to see if it works w/ this other lady first before you dump your wife? Walk away from this "temptation", would you really want a failed marraige on your record??? I am sure if you worked on your marraige your wife may become lively again!!! If this lady at work is so wise she would neverrrrrrrrr get involved w/ a married man! Never! By the way, even thinking about having an affair or being w/ another woman is wrong, too...talk with your wife, if you still care...

Answer 6

Hey:
I am in my early twenties and married to my first love,sometimes when my girlfriends would talk about their experinces ect I would wonder if all men are alike.If everyone makes love the same,hold hands the same but its just a thought!
I shall never cheat because I donot want to lose my love and break my marriage.
You on the other hand got 21 golden years and you gotta be thankful for that,its worth fighting for so abandon these thoughts,counsel yourself or pray.

Find a solution and dig deep into your soul and realise your vows and why you married your wife.
The mind is a very restless horse,you have the reins ,so train it before its too late.
Goodluck.

Answer 7

Please trust me when I tell you that it is just not worth the pain this will cause your wife. You can't be 100% sure that she won't find out, and when she does, she will be devistated. Instead of feeling like your missing out on something, why not take pride in the fact that you have been a faithful husband for 21 years. That is quite the accomplishment and not something you should carelessly throw away. Once you cross that line, you can NEVER take it back. A million " I'm sorry's" or a trillion dollars worth of diamonds will never erase the pain your wife will undoubtably indure

Answer 8

I know it is hard. I have been married for 18 years. When you marry its all so exciting, then years just pass and it is hard to get excited with the same person when everything is the same all the time. Sometimes you just want that excitement of newness once again. For it to feel different and special. You wouldnt be the first married person to think this way so dont be so hard on yourself. Alot of people follow thru with what they desire. All I can say is think long and hard about the decision you make. As you put one foot in and it can be hard to drag it back out again.

Answer 9

OMG! 21 years you been married? Me too, but if you do this you will be throwing your marriage away and nothing will ever be the same. What you need to do is: You need to practice some self control in work and play your fantasies out with your wife. Take my advice, good luck!

Answer 10

Your not by any chance the dirty old geezer running after a 21 yr old by any chance are you? if so see previous question in the list to hear my views on this, if not then i say this you are MARRIED!!! does anyone take this seriously anymore?, and you have children and you would break every vow you made before God and your family but more importantly to your wife!!! for the sake of a one night stand with a stranger, it is creatures like you posing as a male that give real men out there a bad name, i was in a relationship once with a man i loved dearly and who loved me as much back, i was young and stupid and left him for silly reasons, he was hurt beyond beleif, i in the meantime met another guy it was ok at first, but then i realised how much i was missing my ex, this new man did not know me like my ex did, the sex was not the same at all,he did not know my body like my ex did, i thought it would have been all new and exciting and it was not, my ex too had met numerous other girls and bedded them, trying to find the one i guess that would make him forget me, but he never did, i at this time thought i had lost him for good and was devastated, he eventually called me one night and begged me to take him back, no one was like me and he could not stand it, and i felt exactly the same towards him, the point is sometimes we think the grass is greener but it is not, sometimes we imagine things in our heads to be soo much better than they will be, are you prepared to throw 21 yrs of marriage, your children nd your wife down the toilet for sex?, if the answer is yes then you are indeed one sad individual. No one will ever know you like your wife does, she has got 21 yrs of sexual experience with you, do you think any woman out there is gonna make you feel better than she can? get a grip!!!, have you ever considered that she too may be looking about and lusting after other men, but ultimately she made this commitment to you and takes it seriously?, all you can do is tell her, shes either going to hate you or she may suprise you, maybe she would be interested in swinging who knows, in which case you will both get to be with someone else, but at least you will be doing it as a couple, which i have no problems with, lastly i would like to say i am 27 and i have had some earth shattering sex!!!, there is not alot i have not done sexually i am extremely broadminded, but i would not risk a marriage of 21 yrs, a husband and hurting my children for one session like that, you seriously need to sort out your priorities and quite frankly grow up!!!.

Answer 11

hi there do you like the idea of pain ,hurt ,lossing everything that is in youre life at the moment ..........if the answer is yes to my question .....then go for it ........however if you do not fancy pain .etc ......then i would not play awy from home if you know what i mean youre wife will find out youre marriage that you have at the moment will change for ever as when she finds out she will never trust you again ......you will hurt and upset youre kids as they will see there mother hurt and upset .......youre looking at a road at tis moment that might be fun for what 10 minutes ! then it will all change for ever ......why dont you spice things up with youre wife a weekend away without the kids ,there are lots of different things that you and youre loving wife can do ........and may i add better than some stray alley cat just after a bit ........i hopeyou save youre marriage and dont play away .....its up to you ....take care xx