further education lol : Q for guys : Are most of you vengeful by nature ?

Question

Ok, say you really like a girl but she has alot of guy friends. Maybe you just met her and didn't know that but when you find out you are now always trying to "out-do" her by acting like your flirting with all these other girls and stuff. She currently has little interest in you as a bf . You mistakenly took her kindness as if she were flirting with you. After she tells you, you are bitter. (Question : Would you be bitter?Why?)

Ok, some time passes and now she likes you and says sorry but you act like a jerk around her all the time now.
And shoot her down with your negative tone and words.

This is a real experience involving me, does this guy sound jealous? vengeful? what?
guys : are you like this by nature? why? ideas? experiences? how long will you usually continue with this behavior? what do you want from that girl that make you stop? otherwise, what could she do to make peace with you?
thanks
I am trying to figure something out

Answer 1

The first question to answer is it worth the effort to sort out? I think this question both poses and answers that question.

In answer too the first part, that's easy. Turn it around based on the assumptions. Best to validate said assumptions but lets treat them as %100 accurate.

Guy meets increadible girl. Being a guy his mind is not on friendship. So he starts too liking this girl but is getting what he sees as mixed signals. So on a quest he goes too impress his fair maiden. Dudes love such quests and may even forget what they started on the quest for. He feels like he's making headway then is shot down. So he feels rejected. Potentially quite jealous of a competitor he feels is inferior. He sounds inexperienced so those feelings are magnified and with his self confidence budding it's not a mortal wound but not a bruise either.

Then on comes the charm from the fair maiden. First instinct is that it's a trap. He would be distrustful, sullen and also possibly vengeful. Depends on how deeply wounded he was. He would expect the charm to turn off again and he'd twice be left suddenly in a cold lonely place.

I say inexperienced because because a woman is friendly does not mean she has any ulterior motives other than she is a nice person. Western culture lacks any nice easy and obvious means for a guy to figure out a lady likes em. So most guys wind up becoming either puppies or getting their face slapped and or ego shredded a number of times before the subtle hints that women give are recognizable. Some guys just try the shotgun approach. They come on to every availible woman and forget attempting to figure out if she likes them. Some guys are so wrapped up and consumed by their goals and activities that a lady would have to hit them over the head with a cupids arrow to gain romantic interest.

With puppys, they have defective learning mechanisms. They will obsess over a woman beyond what is healthy. Puppies that never grow out of that stage become stalkers. Best too avoid puppies period. That he stepped back rules out that he is a puppy.

As for the 2nd part. If there was no small interest you would not have posted this. Your interest once rebuffed would have produced repulsion in you and so you'd be troubled by the situation no more.

So obviously there is a deeper interest. The issue is it worth the effort to regain trust? Remember your previous actions will leave him feeling alienated and a deep gulf between you too bridge. The things he saw in you are not necessarily all you. People see themselves when they look at others. The only way most people know how too look at the world is to take their own personality, look for signs of things that are shared by those around them and ascribe traits too people who appear to feel/believe/think like they do.

This is the cause of many problems. For example if two people both like the same genre of music. That is something in common and on the surface a good basis for friendship. What if the subset of groups in that genre they like are very different. Not knowing yet by saying you are for example a Metal fan. To person A that might mean Slipknot, Primus, Static X, etc. To another it might mean Godsmack, Iron Maiden, Brand New Sin, etc. Both love Metal but Metal means very different things too both of them. You can substitute most any music form. The point is that both of you may be projecting more than is there.

Lets take the word trustworthy. That has dramatically different meanings to various people. Some people trustwrothy means they will never do anything remotely unlawful, imoral or illiciet. To other people that might mean that they can be relied on when things are tough. That friends and family and employers can rely on them to do the right thing but others beware. To others it means that if the circumstances are right they can be trusted most of the time. Most people think they are "trustworthy". The difference in the deffinition of the word means that too most people most others are not trustworthy.

That is a first step too overcome. I'll give you a personal example. After 7 years my ex-wife and I split up. We made a short and disasterous attempt to get back together. I turned elsewhere and eventually met another woman and fell in love. Circumstances made this a short relationship. A bare year and a half later I was again single. On the tail edge of this my ex-wife swooped in with ideas about getting back together.

I was quite content out of the relationship and at first aloof. She became exactly what I missed about her and wanted her too be and my concerns and reserve declined. She worked hard to win me back and just before I succumbed to her charms she let slip who she really was. I pulled back and that was the end of that reconciliation. The lack of trust was what made it hardest and the second problem was for it too work one of us had to be somebody we were not. We loved each other. What she really was, that was not a horrible person. She didn't cheat on me, didn't lie to me. She wanted a White picket fence pillar of the community kind of life and that just was not me. It would be hell for me, and what I wanted out of life would be hell for her. The middle ground was hell for both of us. So for me the imediate perception was that I was being trapped and my initial reaction was to avoid said trap. That was not her intention mostly. Women often love the use of guile but she was not being intetionally dishonest. She really did want back with her ideal of me, not the actual me.

So your starting in a Lucy situation. Not sure if you've ever read the comic strip Peanuts, but one character Lucy is always offering to hold the football out for Charlie Brown to kick but always yanks it away before Charlie can kick it. I suspect your interest has that feeling. He probably feels that if he does take the bait then you'll change your mind and yank the ball out from under him. His mistakes in recognizing your mood makes him think you changed your mind, not that you never had an interest. Now that you do have an interest he's thinking you changed your mind a second time.

Not knowing the guy, what level of hurt and how he'd respond is hard too tell. I think you are a proud but gentle soul from the little I've read of your questions and answers. So I don't think you would be interested in somebody who was overtly hostile. He might have a little passive aggressive in him but not meaness. Again knowing so little about you and about him hard too do more than vague generalizations. That is just the impression I get given what I've discerned.

So is it worth the effort it'd take to gain his confidence?
Do you know really who he is?
Do you want too know who he is?

If you can't say yes just back off but be friendly. He'll mend in his own way over time and the rift will be smoothed. Up until now you've been like a couple ice skaters dancing out of synch. He stopped to catch you and twirl you around and you were half way accross the rink. He skated over there and you then skated too the other side and are now wondering where he got too. If he was not humilated when you shot him down he'll heal up just by basking in your kind attentions. The ice will melt and he will be reachable again. It will take lots of time though. You can be flirty and are just now spreading your wings. You don't want them clipped right now as flight is still new and you love it. So can you stand to fold those wings up and concentrate on him? Being flirty will just make him insecure. His insecurity will make him oppressive. That generates a cycle that will eventually separate you.

Well hope this helps.

Answer 2

It sounds like he has a major problem. Be a doll and let him keep his problem all to himself, you don't need that sort of thing in your life! No, all guys aren't like that...guys are people too, after all! :D

It does make me laugh to see how Jowd has issues with "women thinking that all men are the same" and he insinuates that all women are the same in the very same sentence!!! lol how hypocritical! :D

Answer 3

i didnt read a word you said. typical chick talks and freakin talks and freakin talks. but yeah, i am vengeful by nature. i am a very laid back, nice, calm guy. but if someone pisses me off.......oh man you dont even wanna know.

Answer 4

I dont understand why the hell women think every guy is the same

Answer 5

he sounds like a looser.

Answer 6

i would have slashed your tires for ******* with my mind

Answer 7

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