I have been best friends with Betty since high school. We crack eachother up, and have similar taste and views on things. She was an awesome maid of honor at my wedding a few months back, and a true best friend. Recently she has not wanted to do things, backing out of plans, not calling me, and I really feel depressed about this. She's not acting like herself at all, and when I try to talk to her about this, she just brushes it off or changes the subject. What is happening??
She has a boyfriend, so it's not like she's alone---we used to hang out just me and her, or all 4 of us, and have fun. now it's like she does not want to hang out with me, or in a group. It feels like she does not even like me anymore--I am so confused and hurt. It makes no sense to me. She criticizes me now, and also tries to act superior--I don't understand why this is happening after 20 years of friendship!
2007-07-19 20:01:25 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I suspect there could be a few things going on with her. First you got married. She didn't. She could be jealous of that. She may uncomfortable carring on a friendship now that you have a spouse and she doesn't. Boyfriends don't count. Usually married people hang out with other married people and not so much with singles. You have a different life and different priorities than she does. The other explanation could be that her boyfriend is giving her negative feedback about you making her feel superior in some sense because he is pointing out what he considers to be your weeknesses. Its always hard to lose a friend. You can try to get her to talk to you about or you can ignore it and move on. Either way it isn't easy.
2007-07-19 20:12:08 · answer #1 · answered by Violet c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two possible reasons come to mind:
1) It's her. She has issues and she's not comfortable, for whatever reason, being around you now that you're married. Since she's not willing to talk about it there's not a lot you can do.
2) It's you. Have you become a bore? Have you gone from focusing on your wedding to focusing on your marriage? Check yourself: do all your sentences have your husband's name in them? Do you say the words "my husband" instead of his name now? Are you wanting to share too much about married life to a friend who's not in the same place yet?
I'm not saying that you are to blame, but if you're making her uncomfortable by too much talk, at least you can do something about it. If it's your friend's issues, though, the best you can do is to keep trying to spend time with her, don't nag her about her changed behavior, and spend more time listening and less time talking. Save your married talk for your married friends, and even then, don't tell all.
Some of my friendships changed after I got married, and a few people totally dropped out of my life. I wanted to include them still, but I think my newlywedded-ness was too much for them. It happens, unfortunately. I hope that you can repair this rift with such a good friend.
2007-07-20 03:27:18 · answer #2 · answered by Kat 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe something is going on in her relationship that she just doesn't feel like talking about. Or she might be depressed. When a person gets depressed, they don't want to do anything or hang out with anyone, even their best friends. Sometimes depression hits so hard and so fast, you don't know that it's going on.
If you did nothing in particular to hurt her, then I think it might be something going on in her life. But don't try to get her to talk to you about it because that just might make her more anxious. You could send her a card, e-mail, or text saying that if anything is wrong, you want her to know that you'll always be there for her...just to let her know that you care.
2007-07-20 03:10:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she does not like your husband. Maybe she is hanging with a different crowd now. People change. Her boyfriend might be saying nice things about you, and it makes her jealous, so she feels the need to put you down and avoid doing things with you.
I would not waste my time worrying about it. Just send her a note telling her how you feel, and that you miss the friendship that you had with her before. Tell her that if she ever wants to talk about it, you would like the opportunity to understand why she feels this way now.
2007-07-20 03:09:33 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we all drift apart from each other and maybe she thinks you and her need a break from each other~ or her boyfriend is telling her things so she doesn't want to hang out with you ~ Go over to her house and confront her on it~ and if it turns out she doesn't want to be friends her loss!
2007-07-20 03:08:55 · answer #5 · answered by ak99705mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋