Will I be single for the rest of my life because I chose to stay in the house all my llife and the closet?

Question

I have been single all of my life. I am 35 and feel I have wasted ‘The good years’ because I chose to live my life inside the house and become socially inept. I grew up in a severely dysfunctional family and discovered I liked boys when I was about 12 years old. I was molested by a guy when I was 5 years old and it went on for about 5 years. He was about 15 or 16 years old. He threatened to kill me and my family if I ever told anyone, so I remained silent until I was 28 and finally told my family. The nightmares and panic attacks were bad for 4 or 5 years until I was about 15. I lived my entire life in the closet until just 5 months ago. I came out to a guy I thought was gay and he just used me and discarded me like a piece of garbage. He just pretended to be my friend because he knew I loved him. He dumped our friendship just 2 weeks ago because he got a girlfriend.

So, I chose to live off of my divorced parents from age 18 until 35 moving back and forth between them over the years. Everything was just handed to me. In that time I just partied the pain away with pot and booze and told myself ‘I will worry about my life later’ thinking I would never know true love and will always be single. I held a few jobs for a year or so over this 17 year period, but never learned responsibility or about the real world. Now at 35 I am 350 pounds, live with my mom, am still a virgin because nobody wants to be with me and feel hopeless. I have been off the drugs and alcohol for over 5 years, but just replaced those addictions with food. I am gay and have no skills, no education, and have realized life has passed me by. I have no self esteem, dignity, or discipline and feel like a walking zombie. I am stupid and lazy. I want to know love and experience life now so very much. With no employment history, skills or almost anything else, where do I begin? The load is almost to heavy to bare. I want to change direction now but feel I have waited to long. Will I ever find true love and let go of this past baggage which has made me not want to get out of bed every morning for the past 17 years? PLEASE GIVE SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY-PLEASE NO HATERS. Thanks

Answer 1

Go to school. Pick something. Anything. When i was 19 and going to school for Radiography I knew a guy changing careers at 50 years of age.

My ex is 41 and going to school for nursing.

You have no purpose in life because this is what you choose. I know this because I have been through this myself (not to this extreme, but I've gone through pain like this).

Only when you do something to make yourself feel worth anything will you feel any better. Get off your ***, apply for a class, meet people, and feeling good will give you more motivation and hopefully also give you the motivation to work and lose that weight.

You are in control of your destiny. I also know this from experience.

PS/ I also wanted to add that you write eloquently and have a strong hold on the english language. This is proof enough that you aren't worthless. You are smart, just making the wrong decisions. Click my avatar to email me if you would like someone to talk to.

Answer 2

First I would like to applaud many of the great supportive people on YAanswers. These are very encouraging responses.

Now, I am going to throw in a very short reply of my own.

My friend, you are a strong person. Very strong. You are taking a meaningful step onto the path toward healthful living by unloading this heap of baggage. Good for you. I am not only impressed by you, but also very much in awe of the depth of feeling you have displayed. Life is yours for the asking.

I can only agree with the points of so many others here. Definitely find someone to talk to about this. Set an appointment across town, go out into the world, talk about this, and then take a leisurely way getting home. Open yourself up to the outside world. Get some sun, (safely), get some fruit, and get to thinking about the next thing you are going to tackle tomorrow. Living is Life, so go out and get really good at it.

Good Luck and Goddess Bless.

Answer 3

I'm really sorry to hear that your life is so unpleasant for you. But seriously, Yahoo Answers is not the best place to solve these troublesome issues. There are too many issues here for you to rely on non-professional advice. I do not mean this disrespectfully, but I think you need to talk to a professional. You haven't dealt properly with the molestation issue which is the basis of all the other problems. Other problems have just continued to pile up, one on the other, over the years.

If you do not do something now, you will be single for the rest of your life and possibly dead from a heart attack or diabetes. But the flip side of that is that if you do something now, you can take charge of this and work toward a life that you deserve and want to live.

Actually, you state your issues very well in your question. I'd print that out. Then I'd look in the phone book under mental health and I'd find a professional to contact. I'd take the print out to him/her and I'd let him/her read it. It's a great way to lay it all out. Tell the professional that you think the molestation might be the basis of everything else. If he/she concurs, work on that first. Clearly you have a lot of internalized self-hate from the molestation and it needs to be dealt with the right way. 35 is not too old--get going!

Good luck to you and may God bless you.

Answer 4

honey i'm so sorry to read all that you went through.

You know, considering all of these, i understand how disappointed, furious and hurt you must feel. but don't worry, there's tons of people you can meet in comunities, taking courses in some place, going out, even chatting if you feel that's more secure for the moment.

You need to know something else. I know you're heart is desperate to give love, and that's ok. But you've got to know there's bad shallow guys out there (of course you know). so be patient, all this getting to know people takes time, take it one step at the time.

You'll find a terrific guy for you, you just need to be patient and begin meeting people, for friendships and stuff, no one like desperate people. As i said, one step at the time

In the mean time, get a pet, that's a perfect way to focus your love in a possitive way, for now.

About the nightmares, that's basicly rage, fear, pain, that you've been saving all these years. You need proffesional help to teach you how to release all of that darkness that keeps you from being happy (i won't lie, no one is 100% happy unless that person is medicated all the time, but you can be happier).

Good luck, and i really hope this helps you, you deserve a happy ending.

Answer 5

You really have been through a tough life. A couple years back, my life began to go downhill. I was skinnier, healthier, more social, articulate; happier, to say the least. Then i began to think about life itself. I began to have thoughts about life being pointless, purposeless, and that i didnt matter. I gained about ten pounds, and began to feel like crap; ALL THE TIME. My grades in school stayed the same (A's and B's)but i felt it wasnt worth it. I thought about suicide and drug abuse and everything self mutilating of that sort.

This year, it began to change. I became more social by just making myself more accecable, social, and took care of myself. I lost the extra weight, and all of this seemed to happen in a flash. I thought that i was unnatractive for a while, but i got asked out by a beautiful girl, and my life has been that much more happier.

One of my points is that COMPANY is important. Isolation is BAD in a lot of ways. Make yourself accecable by being kind and social. That might be hard to think about but consider it.

On another note, i realised about 3 months ago that i am bisexual and i am in the process of coming out, i know that pain.

Dont say those depreciating comments about yourself, everyone has there talents (pros/cons).

I cant guarantee this will help, but i hope it does; in addition, i would suggest therapy.

Bless you

Answer 6

that is horrible and im sorry for all that has happened to you. but to be happy you need to love your self first. to beable to love soemone you have to love your self first. so do things that you have or do enjoy doing. and being healthy is also very important to your mental health. go to a good gym and get a membership and personal trainer. try something social maybe going back to college or joining a team or group. giving back to the community can be very rewarding and help you feel better about your self. try not to let your past hold you back any longer in a sense you need to get pissed off at the old you and at all that has happened to you to motivate your self to be better. be everything that you can life is way to short to let your self be held back. get out there make some friends, forget love for now it will find you in due time. your main goal should be finding yourself.

Answer 7

Oh my God! You could not have described my life anymore accurately if you tired. I've spent the last 16 years of my life hiding too. I'm 36 years-old, and feel like you. I'm 5'6'', 290 pounds, and so depressed at times I don't know what to do. Please keep in touch with me. My yahoo address is [e-mail], I'll be looking forward to hearing from you soon. You and I really do have a lot in common, and could help each other out.

Answer 8

You've been through a lot, and I don't think a few quick answers from Yahoo Answers will be sufficient in helping you. Please make an appointment to see a psychologist. Also, I believe most states do not have a statute of limitations on sex crimes. It is not too late to report the guy that abused you, so that other children will not get abused by him too. Good luck.

Answer 9

Self-actualization doesn't happen over night. I think some sort of guidance through therapy may be what you need the most right now. Change only happens if you make it happen.

Good luck. Its never too late to grow up, and realize your dreams. Or atleast achieve independence.

Answer 10

Patrick your situation is sad but no unique. It is up to you to pull yourself out of the rut you've and been in and make a change. Sometimes we feel that in order to change we have to something drastic but alot of times change starts with the smallest thing. Write down some short term goals and ways to achieve them. If you just achieve one then that's a start. Don't allow your past to walk with you, but kick it to the curb and begin a new you!