i have many girlfriends who married the wrong man after 15 - 20 yrs. Now they regret. How can I advise them?

Answer 1

They've been married a long time to just now be figuring out they married the wrong man. I don't feel you can advise them. You shouldn't even have a say in the matter. If you give any advice at all, tell them to see a marriage counselor!

Answer 2

Normally, when someone realizes after 15 or 20 years that they are with the wrong person they are not. What happened was all their energy was focused on the kids and they did not take time for each other. This is VERY common in couples. It is the most likely time for someone to have an affair too.When you marry someone, it shouldn't be out of desperation to start a family. It should be for love and compatibility. Children are the bonus not the main event. Treat a marriage as that and you'll stay long.

Answer 3

After spending that long with a man I don't know how you can say it was the wrong man or the relationship wouldn't have made it that long to begin with.
Relationships get old after that long (i've been married 21) do I feel this way...sure at times. I have to stop and remember why I feel in love with him in the first place...have a special date night or something weekend just to find that love again. Instead of thinking that they married the wrong man ask them to think how they would feel in their heart if he died tomorrow or came home and said he had found someone new...marriage is hard work, after that long it becomes habit, daily life....they need to put the work back in it.

Answer 4

All you can really do is be there for them when they need a shoulder or a friend or someone to watch the kids so they can get out of the house for a while. Hire a babysitter for them and take them out to dinner. People should spend a lot of time getting to know each other before committing to a lifetime together. I wouldn't advise them at all, it could come back to bite you in the hiney. It's okay for a woman to speak badly about her husband, but not usually okay for anyone else to do it to her about her husband. Plus, they could work things out and she would resent you for bad mouthing her husband to her. So, just listen quietly and ask what you can do and give her a safe place to land when she feels overwhelmed.

Answer 5

Men who seek women in a different generation from themselves (15 to 20 years younger) are seeking their youth to be relived through these women. Unfortunately, some of these men are looking for younger women because they are less likely to challenge some things they may say or do because these females may lack the experience of someone closer to him in age. Younger females often present a more attractive body image than an older woman. Therefore, many of these men are obsessed with physical appearances, which only last until time and the reality of age related incompatibilities set in.

Answer 6

every marriage is mirage,, that leaves you feeling hurt but not disillusioned..
few realise this and keep quiet, accept it
and many REGRET, seeking help and pity .

have they ever thought what they have given in turn to their husbands

Marriage is just false coin which shows pleasure on front and hides the miseries, luring all..

There can be no Perfect Husband.. as it is not possible for woman to be perfect...

if God created only perfect man and woman , then whole earth will be looking like a Lab of Intel Inside where Robos are dancing with masks

All perfects looking similar and smiling all the world over,
your neighbor, your colleagues, your boss
your friends , you name and you get all perfect souls

will it be a fun or a boring place to live and see

will there be any creativity of Leo Tolstoy, or D.H.Lawrence, will there be any music of Bob Marley, Ravi Shanker or A.R.Rehman..
all are perfect who cares for whom ...

The world is very good place only if one gets in tune with it..
a woman is half .. man is half .. and both are fulfilled when they are together,.
but perfect man, perfect marriage, perfect union all is bullshit.
have you ever challenged those who preach PERFECTIONISM.. Have they ever achieved that dream perfection..
there is no perfect Mom, Dad or friend..
there is not perfect President or Pope

So have pity on every man and woman and enjoy the life
of Love and Laughter,,
One is so much fulfilled that one day suddely there may be Light within and this light will make you understand what is perfection and what is not..

Answer 7

the best you can do is to listen and be the shoulder they can cry on. sometimes the best advise you can give them is silence and understanding. whatever the problem is, whether its a cheating husband, an abusive husband, a fat husband, etc, bottomline is, they the wives are the only ones to decide what step they want to take. yes, you might be able to give some suggestions. for instance, give the number of the police as well as a damn good lawyer to the one who is being abused. but whatever happens, dont get in between. it is their life and they will have to sort it out themselves. it might strike u as an uncaring approach but you have to understand that your friends are already married. it is a different ballgame compared to when you guys were still free and single.

Answer 8

I have been married for 17 yr. not happy for the last 10 yr. Big mistake. I stayed for my son and hopefully the feelings would come back. To many differences in lifestyle and goals. He has none except to exist. He still loves me and thats the hardest part. I have wished he would find someone else. Would help me with my guilt.
Would tell them to separate for awhile and see if it is the right dission.

Answer 9

I think the best thing to do is stay out of it. Many women think they've made a major mistake after many years and if they can get some marriage counseling things can work out. So I wouldn't be so quick to step into the situation if I were you. What makes you qualified to give advice? Maybe you should let them post questions in YAHOO and see what kind of replies they get. Couldn't hurt.

Answer 10

Sorry to say you can't because it doesn't happen over night it's a gradual thing that you are blinded to.You see little things but you talk yourself into thinking it's your imagination he loves me and I'm making to much out of nothing.Then one day you wake up and 20 years are gone and you feel cheated from a man that promised to make you happy and give you a good life and marriage and forsaken all others.What hurts is knowing that you stood for it.