Do I have a legal right to know who my child's step parent will be?

Question

Okay so my daughter comes home every other weekend form her dad's and tells me that he is getting married. I ask him continually if this is true, and he keeps saying no. Well he says he is planning this wedding for a friend that he has had since before we were separated, but doesn't know who the guy is. I have known it is him and have told him that I do not care and that I couldn't be happier. Well that being said he still even up to tonight says he isn't getting married, I know this is true because I did some investigating of my own, because I know my daughter wouldn't lie to me about this every other weekend. My question is should I say something what should I say and should I go back to court to be sure he doesn't try any funny business and should I ask for more child support since he doesn't pay hardly anything right now. He pays half of what he normally should because he didn't have a job at the time of our divorce. He has gone so far to hide all of this what would you do?

I should also add into the factor that this girl was 17 at the time they started dating, I don't mind that he is getting married but I am worried about my daughter being around him...He also groped kissed and fondled a 14 year old and got away with it since her parents didn't care to press charges.

The only proof I have of him doing this is her word, and she has to be the one to press charges. I called CPS after I found out and they said unless she came forward there was nothing I nor they could do. The girl did come and tell me what happened and I had a feeling he had said something to here but I was in denial about the whole thing. I didn't want to think he had done something like that, no one does.

I think the thing that bugs me the most is that he is discrediting our daughter. I know I can not bar him form marrying, in fact I want him to get married so he will stop thinking that I am going to get back with him. I am nice to him and never angry with him, I just don't understand why he won't tell me. I have done nothing to warrant not being told. And definitely don't want to go, I will be in Canada with my bf.

I don't care that he is getting married the thing that is bugging me is that he is saying my daughter is lying to me. She isn't and that is bugging me he has told me in front of her that he is not getting married. This irks me to no end. As for child support I know he makes way more than when we got divorced. I still make the same. Anyways I am not mad or angry about him getting married its the fact that he is discrediting my daughter. I would think it would bug you all too if your kids parent said they were lying when they weren't.

Answer 1

First off you can garnish his wages if he is court ordered to pay child support but doesnt pay. Another thing you have on your side is the tax issue of who claims your daughter. In the state i live in even though i had agreed to let him count her on his taxes every other year i never do....now a days they have to get you to sign an affadavid if you are the primary parent saying they can claim the child...I refuse to sing it even though I am ordered to give him off years. I use that as leverage sometimes and I promises maybe i will this year if you do this or that for our child. There isnt much he can do about that other than take me to court but that costs alot of money!!! You dont want to take this to court and pay a lawyer again i would think??? Because for something like this if you thought your child was in danager you would want to get a lawyer. You cant know now who he is marrying. You could only file a complaint if said new step mother was harming your child in anyway ect. I dont know how your divorce turned out as far as custody....I am since happly remarried :) from my divorce by the way. I won full legal and physical custody of my child. Therefor that means I get say on everything. I only have to tell him and consult him when I want to do something like move change schools and religious stuff BUT no matter his feelings I get final say because i have the parental rights so i just tell him and do whatever i want. In the state I live in aslong as the man pays child support he gets granted visitation so since my ex pays he got granted visitations on a schedual in our divorce but we never follow the schedual he rarely sees my child. Right now he is only a month behind on paying child support but its because he just had a new baby with his new wife who has 3 other kids from 2 other ex husbands LOL I would assume if you are the full legal and physical parent and dont share joint custody...then you would have the right as any parent would to ask who your child is around. Like if your kid was going to spend the night at a girlfriends house you could call and talk to the parents ect. But you dont have a legal right to know who she is now. There is no way for you to force him to tell you legally. I did a back ground check on my ex's new wife to make sure she wasn't a nut job like him. I just asked my ex husbands father "what do you know about his fiancee" before they got married. His father had no issues on telling me who she was ect and a brief summary of her family. If you want to be sneaky go over there and pick up your daughter from his house. Don't let him drop her off at home after a visit. one day just show up on the day she is suppose to come back and say oh i wasnt going to be home in time and I was out here and wanted to pick her up. You might meet the soon to be step mom there...bypass him and say hi to her. Trust me she would love to have a brief conversation with you!!! I stress brief but she will want to talk to you. Introduce yourself and get her name that way. He of course will try to rush you out the door but ignore him. Tell her oh its nice to meet you my daughter has said so many nice things about you. Hi I am ******** so and sos mom..then go ohh im sorry I can't remember your name and poof out her name will come. As for asking for more child support your just opening up a whole new can of worms all over again. If you think he is making alot more now then he did when he was ordered to pay and you need the money then go back to your lawyer and start the paper work. He can't hide his paycheck stubs from the court. He cant just turn in an old one they will force him to turn in a new one and trust me judges dont dont dont like people that try to hide stuff in their court room. BUT it can be a 2 edged blade with that because if you are making more money than before they will calculate that you also have higher income. My ex husband makes more now but I make more than him now so if i took him to court to get more money it could backfire on me and i might end up getting less now than I am already ordered. This is all because they use a precentage of what you make to what he makes to determine what you get.

Now with all this being said...honestly I can understand as I myself wanted to know who my daughter was going to be around so I can understand that...but thats only because my ex was a lil crazy and after we divorced some of the woman he dated where totaly nutz and i threatened to take him to court over one of them because my daughter was coming home saying the woman was giving her baths!!! I was not comfortable with that. My daughter felt ackward with the woman. He stopped dating her because he knew If our child went to court and said that it might take away his visitations as it would seem suspicious as to what this woman was doing bathing my child and why he wasnt the one taking care of her...why he was leaving this woman to babysit her when he was suppose to be spending time with her and he should have been the one giving her baths. So because of that woman is why I have ever cared to know. For things like that yes you need to make every effort to find out if you are suspicious.....but if you are not and you trust his judgement when it comes to the people he keeps company with then you shouldn't care. But everyone situation is different and every state has different laws. You should ask for a free consultation from a lawyer or go back to your original divorce lawyer and ask.

Answer 2

No, you don’t have the legal right to know/meet/approve/etc your child’s stepparent. And it doesn’t matter if she’s 17 (although, it seems that now she’s a legal adult anyway?). At 17, she can marry an adult with parental permission and she can certainly date one with parental permission. Dad has the right to marry whoever he wants to (even someone who’s barely an adult).

He probably doesn’t want to tell you, because he doesn’t want to deal with your reaction/your suspicions. I mean you asked, “should I go back to court to be sure he doesn't try any funny business”. I can't even imagine what kind of funny business you might be talking about. There’s nothing ‘funny’ about him getting married.

As far as the incident with the 14-year-old…do you have any actual PROOF?


EDITED TO ADD THIS AFTER YOU ADDED ADDITIONAL DETAILS:

No, she doesn’t have to be the one to press charges. The state/DA is who presses charges. But without her testimony or some other convincing evidence, they have no case. Just like you have no case. If she wouldn’t file a report before, then chances are slim that she’ll do it now. So, all you have is hearsay. And I don’t know how long ago this supposedly happened, but the court will likely find it…strange…that you are only now bringing it up when Dad’s getting remarried. But, I’d highly recommend that you talk to a local attorney about it.

Answer 3

First of all you can't pick a step parent for your daughter. What does your daughter think of her? Is she nice to her, helpful? I am a step parent and hated by the children's mother and she does nothing but badmouth me to the kids. I don't believe there is anything you can do about meeting her unless she wants to meet you. As for child support, HER INCOME IS NOT INCLUDED IN THE CHILD SUPPORT. I think the best thing you can do, and only if you are sincere, is have your daughter (if you don't think it will cause a fight) tell her soon to be step mom that you would like to get to know her. I think it is important for all parents (step parents included) to be able to communicate with each other. Perhaps write a note with your phone number and keep the conversation on you, her and your daughter.

Answer 4

Leave him alone. Whom he marries is his business. After he is married, it is a matter of public record. Make sure she is not a drug dealer or child abuser, and, then, let it go. He has his own life and you have yours. You don't need to know who he is marrying. You only need to know that she is nice to your child and not a criminal.

As for child support, yes you should! If he is paying less than he would be ordered to pay you, you definitely should. It is for the well-being of your daughter. I am sure she could use some extra lessons, or healthier food, or new shoes! Kids always need something, and, he should be keeping up with his obligations.

Good luck

Answer 5

take him back to court for more child support if you think your not getting enough, but what does it matter if he's getting married? You have no right to know anything about her, IF there even is a "HER" . what kind of "funny business" could he do by getting married. You sound like a person who says she cares about his happiness, but really you want to continue to control him . Just a piece of advice, She has NOTHING to do with child support , you can't take part of her check. You have no obligation to know anything about her, and if you harrass her in any way shape or form, you can be arrested, so be careful!

Answer 6

nope you have no legal right in who he sees or marries. But you can take him to court if you feel this other woman or soon to be wife would be in some way a threat to your daughter but be prepared to have proof. that is just like saying he doesnt like your boyfriend and you couldnt get married again either. Neither one of you have the right to say who the other dates or marries.

And if you feel he needs to be paying more child support take him to court. And her income won't count toward support.

Answer 7

DO NOT get your daughter involved AT ALL.

yes, she comes home and says all this, but it's not fair to her to make her your "messenger" right? especially over something that will cause a conflict.

i suggest being a little bit sneaky and being super nice for a little while (if you're usually hard, that is) and say you're turning over a new leaf. invite the ex, his gf out for lunch. make the first lunch good, the second lunch awesome, and the third lunch bring it on them that you want to know what's going on.

you MUST be calm when you bring it up. even if they deny it their body language will tell the whole story.

if you show them that you're a friend, and show that you've accepted them being together and are happy and ok with that (even if you're not) they'll open up to you.

and then you will know.

if you have a question, stand up and talk to your ex.

Answer 8

Like it or not, you have no say in who he marrys. He is no longer your husband. Snooping around, confronting him, does not indicate you do not care. More so for wanting to rush back to court.
He only has to inform you when he is married and then he will more than likely introduce you to his new wife. Until then, relax. Stop driving yourself crazy. And try to find some love of your own doll!

Answer 9

If he decides to get married, there is nothing that you can do about it unless the person is a convicted child molester or abuser. He should be honest with you, but if he is not, there is not much you can legally do about it. You should definitely be getting a fair child support payment. Not doing so is not fair to your child.

Answer 10

physical discipline is not illegal. If over intense.. it could "cross" to harm, although most kids think a slap on the hand is abuse. It isn't. When it comes to step parent.. the basic line is that your bio parent who lives there, clearly can designate his/her authority on to the stepparent. Just my opinion (not legal view).. the idea that spanking is abuse is pure insanity.

Answer 11

take care of youself and child first get your child support and just go on with your life and be happy