this a poem i wrote..... just honetly tell me what you think?

Question

I wach the world around me crumble
to scared to look behind me
afraid of my mistakes
so many of them behind me
Haunting my steps
i hear them echoing behind me
the echos of my nightmares

Answer 1

Interesting..need to check grammar..it don't seem finished..to much repetitive words

Answer 2

Hi, it's ok. If you want to make it good. Start with an image and build on it with more concrete images.

Words like "scared" "afraid of mistakes" even "nightmares" are all really vague. Try to think of what scared looks like and feels like put that into the poem. Maybe you could make a poem where the world is crumbling disintegrating under your feet, until you have no place left to stand. That image would make an interesting poem. What I'm saying is don't tell us about your nightmares but allow your poem to help us experience the nightmare.

Take care keep writing.

Answer 3

Okay...first of all, this is a poem. Poets use words like a painter uses paint...with care and deliberately. "wach" should be "watch", "to" should be "too" (as in "too scared"), and unless you're e.e.cummings, please capitalize your "i"s. "Typos" in a poem are like eraser marks on a drawing...easily forgiven if on a draft, not so easily forgiven when hung in a gallery...and "this" is a gallery of sorts. Before you post, spell check and polish.

Regarding the poem itself: I see why you wanted to use the repetetive "behind me" (someone who's really afraid of what's behind them is constantly looking behind them), but a break of a few lines would have been more effective. Of course, you don't have enough lines to do this...so you need to carry the thought to its conclusion. If you added a few lines after "the echos of my nightmares", you could go back to your reflective pattern for the last few lines and it would flesh out your poems destination. If "echos of my nightmares" "is" the destination, then you need to show us how we got there.

You've got a good start, and unlike some of the responders, I actually like the echoed "looking behind" statements, but the poem cannot use these lines alone...they have to show you looking ahead before you can look back, and there isn't enough "ahead" to tell us where we're going.

Edit, spell check, write more, spell check, polish and post. I look forward to the rewrite.

Answer 4

It doesnt really flow.

I see where you're going but it just doesn't fit. Saying "behind me three every other line, but it just seems too broken up.

i watch the world around me crumble,
to scared to look behind,
afraid of my mistakes,
so far behind,
haunting my steps,
echoing behind me,
the echoes of my nightmares

that's kind of better, Keep trying!

Answer 5

If honesty is that which you want, than that is what I shall give.

Your poem attempts to take me to a destination, but that destination leads to nowhere.
You continue to use the phrase “behind me”, in most of your phases as though it will carry the piece. It does not.

This piece, in my opinion is lacking in form and structure and takes the reader nowhere.

Needs a lot of work!!!!!

Answer 6

broaden your vocabulary, one of the most important things in writing is having a vast vocabulary. be more descriptive, make it longer...don't let your readers hang from a cliff....(finish your writing) the ending ...is ..well....there is no ending.
your center point in this writing is that you are running from your past and regrets...so how does that tie in your opening statement?
really work on it. 1-10...i give you a 3

Answer 7

Try this ending: Haunting my steps always from the rear the echo of my fear.

Answer 8

I'm a fan of repitition, but to me it just seems like you didn't know what else to say.

I would stick with the crumbling metaphor. I like that.

Answer 9

Why not enter your poem in the 'poem of the month' competition at myverdict.net.

Answer 10

i really like your poem
the reason is that i believe you reallt honestly
pulled this one from deep inside you
its very good