Well, here it goes. Me and my husband have been together for 12 years and we have one child. Before we had our child, I used to be an exotic dancer and he worked as an electric engineering and he's also an martial arts trainer.He trained friends and other people. But he also trained this woman. We became friends sort of. She wanted more from his training, I told my hubby about it but he didn't believe me. He said that I was jealous ( hey can u blame me?). One day, she told me they had something going on. For example, he gave her a massage and it led to you know. And then I confronted my hubby nad he he gave her massage and that wa it. I assumed they had sex, so I got even with him and I had sex with my boss. So couple of months went by, and the truth came out of her and she said nothing happened. Let me make it short. I feel so bad what I've had done to him that till this day he sometimes brings up the subject . How can I make him get over this now till this day were parents? Help?
2007-07-19 17:48:35 · 17 answers · asked by monieval_74 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The story of a women with a good man!!!
Well it sounds like your remorseful so theres no point in rubbing it in.
~* Your husand on the other hand wants you to hurt as much as he's hurting that why he's holding it against you. Because he has had opportunities to sleep around and instead remained loyal to you. He probably feels that he's been honest and dutiful and trusting and you abused the trust. Theres no excuse for cheating. But, If he didnt't love you he would have left you already so thats a plus. What you need to do is let him know that you love him and that he means the world to you. What you did was out of rage and hurt. And, you need to prove to him that he's everything you want and need. And, after you two talk it out let that be the end of it, theres nothing worse the emptying a dirty closet and just throwing the dirt back in.
GIRL SHOW HIM YOUR HEART AND SOUL!!!!
2007-07-19 19:21:30 · answer #1 · answered by Mama D 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. You did a very stupid thing becoz you felt insecure. Now you are obviously in the deepest marital trouble one can get into.
I don't know why you are trying to make HIM forget it, when you are the one who can't forget it and it is eating you up from the inside out. How can you forgive yourself? Know what? You'll just have to find a way.
It does not help to find reasons for doing this thing, as the only reason is you.
Rather, grow some more through this experience, grow up some more, grow more together in yourself, and become more of a woman. A real woman does not need to sleep around to feel like a woman, she knows she's a woman.
Maybe, just maybe, when you become secure about who you are and your womanhood, your husband might look at you with different eyes, and who knows...the two of you might get a second chance.
2007-07-19 18:16:30 · answer #2 · answered by justaguy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's no way to make him forget it. You broke his trust, and trust unfortunately can not always be regained. You may never regain it. That is why you should consider carefully your actions and the effect of them on the relationship.
Your husband giving another woman a massage isn't cool, but what you did is much worse. Cheating is never the right choice, it only makes things worse. If you thought he cheated and didn't want to tolerate it you should have divorced him then. They you could have freely slept with whoever you wanted. Now you just have to live with the consequences and consider yourself lucky that he loves you enough to forgive and stay married. Forgetting however might never happen.
2007-07-19 18:09:33 · answer #3 · answered by DK Julie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't make him get over it. What you did was wrong even if he had had sex with her. You do not cheat on a spouse to even a score. And why did you belive some bimbo over your hubby? You can't trust the man you're married to? Honestly, he should leave you. I couldn't be with a woman that would believe what some woman said over what I told her, and then would cheat on me to settle a score. You put yourself in this mess by not trusting the man you are with, and if you cant' trust your hubby you need to let him find someone that can.
2007-07-19 17:53:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
That would've been a better question to yourself and had acted on good answers before you cheated. You cheated at least twice and against more than two people, your husband and your child, the boss and his family. Aside from having sex with someone else other than your husband, you took and believed someone else's word over that of your husband. You can't do anything as much as he should and can on his own to get over what you've done. It's hard to believe in someone who have lied to you and have cheated on you. Unless his bad impression on you changed, you can't do much. You can just try to take care of your child so as not to let him/her be affected so much.
2007-07-19 19:14:13 · answer #5 · answered by wind m 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband know you slept with your boss? If not...then I would just try and put it in the past. Nothing good will come from telling him. You made a terrible mistake! Learn from it and move on. Trust is a serious issue in a relationship.....once it is broken.....it is hard to get it back!!!!!! They will always remember that you were with some one else and it will always bother them! Even if they forgive you! Trust me.....I have been there and seen it many times with friends who messed up their relationships!
2007-07-19 18:06:22 · answer #6 · answered by deezy89 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow.
Well, you can't force someone to get over something.
He has a right to his feelings. I think he shouldn't have had any female students, or at least he never should have been alone with any of them without other students present.
By giving her a massage, he crossed a line. He may not have had sex with her, but he crossed a line.
You can't undo what you did, but you shouldn't be punished for the rest of your life for this. If he keeps hanging this over your head, then the relationship may have run it's course.
A 3rd party may be needed to clear the air. I'd suggest seeing a marriage counselor to help talk this over. Me & my wife went to one and it really helped a lot.
2007-07-19 18:01:01 · answer #7 · answered by Yam King 7 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No he can not commonly get over this. What you did is wrong.
You did not trust your husband with other woman and so assumed he had sex with this woman. You wanted to even with him so you did that with out asking him any questions. You need to learn to trust your husband. It will take long time for him to get over this. Now you need to earn his trust.
2007-07-19 18:23:26 · answer #8 · answered by nikki_lav_2288 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, sounds like that friend was really no friend of yours or your husbands. She was looking to start trouble and she did. Maybe what can bring you two together is you have a common enemy. That was a really rotten thing she did, she really hurt both of you.
I don't know if you can make him get over it, but you can tell him it is over and it hurts you when he brings up the subject. I can only guess this might be durring a disagreement and bringing up the past isn't fair fighting as it is only meant to hurt. Ask for his forgiveness, let him get it out of his system and if he brings it up again you can simply say, I thought you forgave me?
Perhaps he just needs reasurence and maybe that is why he brings it up, not to hurt you, but looking for assurance from you that it wouldn't happen again.
2007-07-19 18:05:28 · answer #9 · answered by sara r 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You both need counseling ... together and apart. I guess I don't need to tell you that that was a terribly immature thing to do. Doesn't sound like either of you take your actions or your relationship very seriously (much less your jobs). That's sad because you have no idea how you are whittling away at the foundation that isn't even built yet.
2007-07-19 17:55:52 · answer #10 · answered by mosaic 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋