In a new marriage and my husband seems to have some major trust issues. If he calls from work and i don't answer he will call like 25 more times and leave very rude hurtful messages accusing me of doing something i shouldn't be. Then when i tell him how i feel about what was said he gets even angrier. He knows i do nothing when he is gone i wouldn't do when he is here but he also has a thing about me having to call him before i go to bed at night when he is working too. I'm afraid we are heading for a divorce because neither of us is going to change our minds on this and when i try to explain my point of view he just gets angrier and puts me down and makes me feel even more like he is the one with something to hide.
2007-07-19 17:19:46 · 18 answers · asked by urangel4life2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please get out of this marriage before you have children and a black eye. This is how it starts, possessiveness. Then it moves on to degredation and public displays of dominance. He'll start to get physical - shove you, pull your hair at first, maybe punch a hole in the wall next to your head. It will progress to getting slapped, punched and kicked. I have been there. I left only after he hit me in front of my children - this was my biggest mistake. My children should not have seen that - and it was not my fault he hit me but it was my fault that they saw it. It was my fault because I should have left way before then and didn't. Don't have children that will live with your mistakes. Be smarter than that. Good luck.
2007-07-19 17:37:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He does with out a doubt have some trust issues, that is for sure. I have a gut feeling that I would be that way my self should I ever get another guy. It is sad to say the least.
Think about these things and see what you think...have you ever gave him a reason to not trust you at all? Has he had a wife/girlfriend before you two got together that cheated on him?
If you have done something in the past that causes this, it can be worked out with a lot of work. If he has been cheated on in the past the same thing applies. It can all be worked out with a LOT of work. It all depends on how much you love him and how badly you want the marriage to work.
If you want to make a go of things, you do need to let him know where you are going to be at all times and the same applies to him as well. I don't really think he is a controll freak at all. I just think that he has a really bad trust issue right now. But of course I don't know the whole story either.
There are some of them out there that does cheat on their girlfriend/wife and then treats the girlfriend/wife like they are the ones cheating instead of him doing the cheating.
What I am saying here is the fact for some reason or other I have managed to find all cheaters out there. Yep, every man that I have dated or was married to has cheated on me. I treated them like a king and got cheated on in return for it. So should I ever get involved with another guy, I am not sure as I could trust them because of what I have gone threw in the past. It can be worked out with a lot of TLC (tender lovin care) and a lot of phone calls and commication between you two. You just have to work on it very hard.
2007-07-20 01:30:37 · answer #2 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did he treat you while you dated? Is it something that can be resolved through counseling?
Definately try the counseling- not just for you- but for him. It sounds like the makings of an emotionally abusive relationship which if your not careful (as his anger grows) could turn physical. Your husband needs help- and you need to get to the bottom of the cause (if there is one!).
Be safe- and discuss how you feel with a close family member/friend- do not be embaressed- someone else needs to be aware of your situation- and since they will know your husband they can advise you better than someone over the internet!
Best wishes!
2007-07-20 00:34:20 · answer #3 · answered by LuvMy2Kids 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling right now. Your marriage is in trouble and he is one step away from becoming abusive. It might be an acceleration of his verbal abuse, but then you can bet he'll work his way up to psychological and sexual abuse and then it will be physical.
He has insecurity problems and needs to control things to feel safe. Those things will just get worse, what he's doing is not normal, and you need to get help while you can.
My g/f had a 25yr marriage to a guy who left her for a younger woman. In talking about what went wrong, she told me that in the first few months of their marriage he started accusing her of having sex with the stock boy or the butcher, if she walked away from him in the grocery store. I told her that normal guys don't do that, and she was absolutely shocked because she thought all husbands were like that. This guy went on to be sexually, emotionally and psychologically abusive to the point that she thought she was worthless and stupid.
Get help now, this is wrong.
2007-07-20 00:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked him if he's having an affair? Do you suspect him of doing anything wrong? Sometimes, when one is up to no good, they can't trust their partner because they think if they're doing something wrong, their partner must be too.
Did someone he knows have a wife who cheated and now he's just terrified you'll do the same? There has to be a root cause to this and obviously, you need to get to the bottom of it (and it sounds like you're trying to!).
2007-07-20 00:24:22 · answer #5 · answered by Amy M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sad to say, but that is a huge red flag!!! It sounds like the beginnings of an abusive relationship. Don't give up on the marriage just yet though, try counseling. It might be something that is workable, and it might not, but you will not know until you try. Good luck!
2007-07-20 00:23:56 · answer #6 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm with everyone else, it's a control issue. Abuse goes in stages. He controls you, he's done that. He may try to separate you from your family and friends so he becomes the only one you've got. He attacks your self esteem and your self confidence by getting angry and blaming you even though the fault lies with him, calling you names, belittling you. If these sound familiar, you should get out now while the getting is good.
2007-07-20 00:41:23 · answer #7 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy! EXactly why I walked away, and left the guy I was really in love with. Yes, I loved him. But I loved myself enough to know that I deserved a better life than that.
Can you get some counselling? I seriously doubt that you can spend your life in a relationship like that, if you dont get some help.
2007-07-20 00:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he might have some control issues, and insecurities. You might want to consider therapy. You just got married and he is making something out of nothing, like on a daily basis, that will get old really fast. It is just stupid, there is so much more in this life to worry about, he is just wasting his time being mad. It is also insulting to treat your spouse like that.
2007-07-20 00:29:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sound like he has some trust issues that he need to deal with, so counseling is something i would look into before
this become more of a serious problem then it is. and it also
could be that he has something to hide; something is up.
2007-07-20 00:27:46 · answer #10 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋