Is it wrong to ask your spouse to end a friendship?

Question

My boyfriend hangs out with his friend who is a girl way too much. He sees her more than he sees me. He says that there is nothing going on, but I feel that he has feelings for her. I feel as if he cares more for her than he does for me. Am I overreacting? Am I wrong to ask him to end the friendship?

Answer 1

Asking him to end the friendship may lead to the end of your relationship.
My counselor told me yesterday--men and women can not just be friends. Someone has more in mind and it is usually the man (but not always).
You did not state your agees.

Answer 2

Of course you should tell him to end it. He has no reason to be hanging out with her so much. I mean come on he wouldnt like it if you were doing that all the time. I dont care if other people say it is ok because they are just friends. 9 times out of 10 one of the people in the "friendship" is either a little more or will eventually develop into more than friendship. Tell him you do not like it and you feel uncomfortable. If you allow it now it only will develop into a bigger problem.

Answer 3

Having a feeling about something is a funny thing. It can't really be right or wrong in a broad sense... cuz its a feeling. It defies exact description because you are the only one who feels it exactly as it happens.

In this case, you have a feeling about your boyfriends relationship with another girl. There have been a LOT of questions asked going the other way... from men and women about women who have male friends. Usually the overriding reaction is that its not a good thing.

I would strongly urge you to consider this a marriage test. You have a bad feeling about your boyfriend and this girl, right? You sense that he has deep rooted feelings for her, and that makes you nervous.

So here's what I would suggest that you do. CALMLY explain to him how it makes you FEEL having her so involved in his life. Point out...without nagging... that YOU are his girlfriend and that anyone of the opposite sex who is closer to him than you are is a threat to you. Give him a chance to withdrawal from his friend, on his own terms.

If he doesn't.... or if he refuses to acknowledge your feelings.... that tells you more about him than anything he could ever say. It tells you that you aren't as important to him as this girl. And it tells you that he will not be a man who will give you his vow to put you above all others. This would make him non-marriage material. Whether you WANT to get married right now or not isn't the point. The point is that there will be no happy ending if his priority is not you. Does that make sense?

Keep yourself calm... don't nag... and keep your eyes open.

Good luck to you

Answer 4

Hi Christine,

Sorry, but I think you're right on...you have good instincts. For him to continue in the relationship, at least as it is now, only spells trouble for the two of you.

My experience, and I'm a guy, is that while platonic relationships CAN exist, they also can VERY often lead to something more serious. Even if it doesn't happen it can still cause lots of problems.

There comes a time when a decision has to be made. If he can't, then perhaps you should.

I hope he chooses you, but please be ready either way if you decide to issue an ultimatum to him.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Asking someone to end a friendship might come home to haunt you. Having said that, if it disturbs you and you've shared this with your boyfriend and he does nothing about it, then perhaps it is time for you to think about whether you wish to remain his girlfriend. It is up to you, but if it makes you upset all the time, what is the use of continuing on in this relationship.

Answer 6

Make sure a part of the time you are also there hanging out with both of them. See how they act together and how he acts toward you when she is around.
You can't choose his friends, only your reactions to the situations. If you are uncomfortable, tell him so. And then decide if you are staying or going.

Answer 7

Your boyfriend is with you, not her. It does not matter whether there is anything going on between the two of them or not. What matters is that it MATTERS to YOU - as his girlfriend, you are supposed to be the most important romantic relationship of his life.

You might be unfairly suspicious, maybe not. But you are NOT wrong to ask him to end the friendship.

Answer 8

Tough one here, If I ask you "would you want him to make you not hang out with one of your friends" you would say I'd give up a friend for him. So I won't ask that. When you have a bf guess what you have all his friends too. Why don't the 3 of you hang out? Try being her friend too? Don't try to force him to choose, you will end up on the short end of the deal. Good Luck

Answer 9

No you are not wrong in a way because you are concerned. But you are also wrong in a way because if you don't have a reason to not trust him then you should just trust him and take his word. Also you need to really think about talking to him and telling him how you feel and see what he says and all. Good luck.

Answer 10

I think the best thing to do would be to talk to him about this, tell him how your feeling, if he really cares about you he'll be willing to spend less time with her, i don't think asking him to end a friendship is right, unless of course your married, then heck ya, you have every right to tell him to end it, but if your just going out then that's a different story, he has a right to be friends with whom he chooses....the best thing to do is talk to him and tell him how your feeling about this, he may not even no this is bothering you, maybe he doesnt' realize he's doing this, so go talk to him and i'm sure it'll work out.