Please Help ... its about parents please i dont know what to do?

Question

can you please help me ?
My mom and dad have been together for fourteen years and now my dad told my mom (shes not working but she has to watch me) that his money is not hers and as soon as Jonathan (me) goes to college you will get a job and i want to be nice to danny and kelly (his children from a previous relationship) and everytime you get in the way (mom)

Now i really dont know what to do my mom wanted to leave yesterday but she had no where to go to so she came back (it was early morning so we hadnt noticed

my mom just might leave at any moment now and i dont know what to do and i dont think a normal teenager should go through this much pressure and im not sure i can do anything and im crying right now and if she does leave i dont know if i should go with my mom or dad because my dads not all that great and my mom really cares about me but my dad has pretty much everything i know

Please has anyone gone through this in life if you have please help me im only 14 and im scared now

also the thing is that my dad doesnt know that anybody else besides my mom knows this so if i talk to him about it and he pretends he'll resolve it and he gets more mad it will make everything else worse

Sorry for all these additional details im replying upon reading comments

well news spreads really fast through my family so if i tell a family member everybody will know and it will reach my dad and that will make everything else worse

Thank you guys so much but i need a little more advice before picking a best answer

she cant find a job shes been looking for 9 months now and the reason she might leave is because of above and she might leave to singapore to get a job so i wont see her for most of the year

Answer 1

Sweetheart, I am so sorry you are going through this. Unfortuenetely it happens more often than most people realize. We all have so much to deal with.

You need to talk to your Mom and Dad and let them know you heard them and are very upset about the entire situtation.

Your Dad is wrong, his money isn't his money it's theirs by law, but DONT say that and make him mad. I would talk to them tell them your scared and you don't know what will happen. Ask about family counseling, etc.

Remember your parents love you no matter what they decide. The problems they are having is between them. They have a seperate relationship than you, it's hard, I'm sorry.

Answer 2

Congratulation.. well, I mean it's your luck to experience this kind of situation. I believe many teenagers got this kind of problem too. the point is how you can handle this with your ability, your personality.. (don't say that you are just a kid, you can be more than that!)

you don't have to confuse, when you cry don't make it as a burden, Feel it.. someday you will know it's normal to feel that way although we can't have normal family (what is normal anyway? see other countries such as Vietnam, see kids, teenagers, do they have normal families?)

Well, it's just a common thing nowadays.. but you can read all the answers you receive and think about it wisely.. (don't say that you're just 14 so you don't know how..)
I don't know what you've been through before you heard your parents,
are you happy?
are you get along with your siblings (your father's previous relationship's children)?
are you staying with them or what?

and if you feel comfortable (and you want the easiest way, no challenge at all) and you think your father will provide you financially (you must sure about it) you can choose to stay with your father, if not don't u ever.

if you choose your mother, you will have her LOVE, if financial things, you said you are 14 now, you can help your mother too.. Gain your creativity, use it all.. you don't have to worried about it..

I've read some of your answer money isn't anything..
and don't like a stone, I mean be a flexible person, be a POSITIVE person.
and DON'T GIVE UP!!


ps. Ask your Mom to be Strong and more independent!! Woman isn't that weak. About college things.. you can save money or study harder (scholarship) from now if you want too and don't be hesitate if you enter the college not at the time. No time can limit you if you want something.

Answer 3

Talk to your mom. Let her know you are aware of what is going on with your dad. Let her know you would be okay if she gets a job now(you are 14 and shouldn't need mommy there all the time) so she can have income to fall back on if she decides to leave. Be supportive of her.
Is she nice to his other children? Are you? Maybe think of things you can do together when they are around that would be fun- board games, movies or ask dad to take the 3 kids to the show or out for ice cream so he can have some time with his children without mom.
There is only so much you can do because you are the child. She is going to have to make this decision on her own and find her way to making peace with the situation or becoming financially responsible for you and her. You are not at fault and need to know that no matter what happens, you will survive and get through it. I leave you with the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Answer 4

One thing you have to keep in mind is that you cannot CONTROL the situation. Further, things usually look worse than they are. Parents have a way of arguing and threatening but they are really trying to win control when the other won't give in. They are posturing and bluffing to see if their actions will give them what they want. Think about it, they've been together for fourteen years. This has probably gone on long before you even noticed it.
Your mother didn't leave and then all of a sudden decide that she had nowhere to go. She had no intentions of leaving in the first place.. she's trying to make a point. Believe me, if your mother were with someone she hated and desperately needed to get away she'd find a place to go.
You need to find another adult who can be trusted to speak to only you until you give permission to talk to others.. A school counselor? Make this a stipulation.
Good luck. It's not as bad as it seems. Shame on them for making you so worried. Cheer up... seen this happen many many times before.

Answer 5

There really isn't much you can do, but your mom would be wise not to leave, she does not want to be accused of abandonment. I don't know what state you are in, but most states have laws that protect a spouse from being evicted. Even if your mom didn't work out side the house the law recognizes that a house wife is still contributing to the home. In other words she shopped, cooked , cleaned did wash and all those chores and that it has value. While your father may think everything is his, it is not, she contributed to the house also. Your mom should find an attorney, she can not be put out like a used appliance, nor should a husband treat a wife that way. Your father sounds very selfish and doesn't value your mom. I hope things will work out, but if your mom needs to have her rights protected and she needs a lawer to do that.

Answer 6

It's sad that your going through this and i can understand why your scared and crying, no you shouldn't have to be listening to them argue, but parents do, if your brave enough, i'd go in there and say mom, dad, this is upsetting me you two argueing about this and i really wish you would sit down and talk to each other calmley and work this out, that may help, i've never been trhough what your going through but my parents did get into little arguements and i hated that, sounds like there having promblems and they are not hiding them from you, see if you can get them to talk, i'm sure they love each other they are just upset right now and all adults say things they dont' mean sometimes when there angry, everything may be fine tommarow, but in the mean time be strong, cry it out, makes you feel better and pray to God about it, he's listening....

Answer 7

I think that oyu should stick with your mother. A mother is the greatest gift a child could imagine. You don't need money, fame or power. All you need to feel better is your mother. I'm being honest here because i have gone through the same trauma and it still affects me to this day. I'm sure that if you love your mom and if she loves you then there is no hard choice in life that the love of a mother cannot solve.

Answer 8

I think your mom is being a bit selfish. I commend your dad for wanting to have a relationship with his other children, and it sounds like your mom doesn't want that to happen. By leaving him all she's trying to do is get him for support so that she doesn't have to work. If she cared for you soo much then she would be more than happy to get a job to help you go to college. She's trying to evade her responsibility by leaving. Don't hate your dad, he has been taking care of you and your mom, and he should be taking care of his other 2 children as well. he sounds like a great guy to me. if I were to stay with anyone it would be the parent that would support me no matter what. Without complaining about it. your 14 years old, don't worry yourself about this. Let your mother know she is being selfish, and if she leaves then your not coming with her.

Answer 9

Im sorry you are going through this. I really don't know hot to help you but just to be strong and talk to your parents verbally or write them a letter. Letter usually worked for me. Just don't let it get you down things will work out. Just stay calm and open minded. Always communicate. Why all of a sudden has your dad changed his attitude about money issues and his other kids??

Answer 10

Talk to your parents how you feel... maybe get your mom or your dad alone and express your feelings... I am sure your mom will not leave you. What they are experiencing is grown-up things that you may not know about... but I am sure their # 1 concern is YOU! and this is why you need to express your fears and concerns... Oh.. maybe talk to a grandparent or aunt/uncle... they may be able to help too...