should i let him handle my money?

Question

my husband thinks that i do not know how to handle my finances. he's unemployed and i take care of all the bills and expenses. he expects me to save some money. but i am having a hard time because i think we are spending so much on eating out, which he likes and we spend a lot during those times. he argues that it should not be the reason because we don;t do it everyday. but frequency is not the point, it's the amoutn we spend on that one time.he can't get that. now he wants to get all my salary on payday and he'llbe the one to manage it to show me that he can do it. should i? i have given him money in the past, which he just spent carelessly. but i am also thinking that we might do it better that way because he would have to prove that he can handle the money better than i do.

last night, i opened the topic again. i showed him the complete ilst of all the expenses to prove that i am not spending more than i should except for the times that we ate out.

any ideas out there?

Answer 1

If in the past he has spent money carelessly, who's to say he won't do it again if you allow him to, and put you further into dept? I believe that woman are much more capable of handling things like money, much better than men are. If you show him all of your finances and show him how much you have left to spend, see if that works, though you said you already tried that. I can't say much, I feel you are handling it very nicely, especailly if you have any money to spend extra to go out to eat and such. I do think that letting him handle the money for a month is a bad idea, in that, if he picks up old habits and goes out and splurges, you're going to be in a bit of trouble.

Good luck,

Matt

Answer 2

If you are financially "okay" I would say let him give it a go for maybe a month or so. I would place my bets on: he's going to do poorly and not prove you wrong. I say this because of his past, you giving him money and him blowing it away carelessly. It sounds like you should be the one handling the finances, you're employed, he's not. When he gets another job, and you have two incomes, then I'd suggest he help more with the finances. It was good that you pulled up the complete list of expenses and actually showed him where eating out had done some damage on the old pocket book. All in all I think giving him a shot wouldn't hurt if you feel you're pretty financially stable. I also believe the person with the job should be handling the money, considering you earn it. Once he gets a job you should allow him to help organize the places you, as a couple, spend your money. Hope that helps, good luck!! :]

Answer 3

Don't give up your overview of the finances. Do allow him to do them with you. He can write the cheques and balance the cheque book and accounts. You can help, make sure deadlines are met and as a team see if you can find some savings. If savings are impossible, look at ways to pare back your expenses. Eating out is on source for sure. Try ordering in every other time you would have gone out. Or better still, make a picnic and go to the park or beach for a really memorable outing.

Also, look at overhead, luxuries that may not REALLY be needed. We sold our car and our cell phones. Neither are missed much at all. I have the thought maybe 3 or 4 times a year, that a phone would be handy. Then I see the phone booth on the corner and think of the money I'm saving and reconsider how handy it is to pay for something already provided by the city. Same goes for transit, if you live urban. Our system is fantastic, and with a car rental a few times a month, we save thousands$$ a year.

Have a gf or two over for a cookfest party. You and the girls toss back a few bottles of wine while batch cooking some tried and true favourites. Spaghetti, lasagna, stews... cooked in big quanties and packed for freezing. The amount of time, effort and money saved doing this is HUGE! and you have a laugh with your gfs while you do it. Good times good times :D

Do a web search of budget savers, or similar language and see all the great ways to put money in your savings acct.

GL, stay positive and work as a team !

Answer 4

Don't do it.

The upside if you do it is that he might actually prove that he could manage to save some money for you somehow. The downside is that you become indebted, which is bad.

Instead, have him make a realistic list of expenses and monthly bills (I know you already did one but let him do one in which he researches the matter and gets itemized figures). See what his conclusions on savings are, then go through his list with him and point out any errors in his calculating of it (such as omissions or low figures). If he can pass the test of actually having a workable budget from this exercise, then and only then consider allowing him to handle the finances on a probationary term.

Additional: This is just a cautionary note to you. Do not let his ego or sense of pride be a factor in any decision you make concerning monetary matters. A bruised ego can be recovered from, but monetary loss is much harder.

Answer 5

Hopefully you have Microsoft Money. Maybe some "money" program on your computer...if not...do it the old fashion way. Write it out! Everything.

I would not have an argument over money! It ruins relationships...BIG TIME!

Be Pro-active not "re"-active. Ask him, while he is not working to through a pot roast in the crock pot before you get home. Every time you go out to eat use the phase: cha-ching!! If you are part of the problem...become part of the solution and make a dinner plan. Making a schedule of money plans and dinner plans since you know where the weakness is.
He is your husband, gotta share everything. The duties as well. What is the worse that can happen. He puts all the money into going out to dinner. Let him see how NOT easy it is too pay bills and go out to dinner. When he is not able to balance and save money and go out to eat all at the same time...he will stop asking those questions.
If he can save and balance YYYYYAAAHHOOOO !! Learn from it.

Answer 6

Uh, not just no, but HELL no. Bill paying should be a joint venture, that prevents problems of "where's all the money going?" It's a system of checks and balances. You should both keep track of everything you spend on a day to day basis to find out where your "play" money goes so that you can pinpoint the problem areas. If you are the earner in the house and you don't like spending the money going out to eat, don't go. Order in a pizza, it's a lot cheaper, or pick a cheaper restaurant and do it only once a month. By the way, In my marriage we have His Hers and Our checking and savings accounts. The bills get paid out of the "Our" checking account and we have no say over what gets spent out of the personal accounts, it's our "play" money.

Answer 7

No! No! No flipping way do you let him touch your cash! You tried it once and it didn't work. Not only are you spending too much money on him, you're spending too much of yourself as well. You've been more than generous treating this man to those lavish dinners at your expense. Now he thinks that you should go to work and then hand over your entire paycheck to him? That the most ludicrous hair brain scheme imaginable. Lady, you should be boiling with rage that you ought to feeling inside you from his arrogance and self defacing shameless audacity. Since you've already showed him your spread sheet of the expenses you both accrue, then tell him the topic is no longer open to further discussion. Tell him also that if he wants money he needs to get himself UN-unemployed. That way you'll be able to save and he can treat you for a change. He ought to feel very ashamed to let you pay for everything and get stuck with running the finances and then have the nerve to think he can do a better job. That's one heck of a cheap ploy for him to take total control over you and squander everything that you work hard to get. Instead of spending money on eating out, find a therapist or marriage counselor to try to root out what makes him tick. That or, get him working so he won't have so much time on his hands thinking up ways to freeload of of you.

Answer 8

No I don't think that you should just hand it over to him. Tell him to get a job and then he can handle the bills from his account. If he can do it better than you then no harm done. If you hand over the reins though and he forgets to make the rent/mortgage payment you could lose your place to live. Him not working tells me that he has no real concept of responsibility. Since he likes to dine out tell him what you think is a reasonable amount to spend on those meals and let him know when he has reached the spending limit for the night then promptly get the bill and get up and leave the restaurant. He will either follow or he will have to continue on his own cash.

Answer 9

Wow, no offense to your husband, but he shouldn't be telling you ANYTHING if you're the one bringing it all home. Sounds like you've been handling things for awhile, so why does he think he can improve the situation by handling the finances?It's okay to get his input, but at the same time, if you've shown him an itemized list, it should be pretty obvious by what you said where the big unnecessary expenses are. Try eating at home, or at least cheap eats. He may like going out to eat, but if it's putting a drain on your budget, then he should be the loving husband and pick up a job, if only for that purpose, to allow you guys the extra money to eat out. I'd hang onto my money if I were you.Hubby needs to prove himself in other ways

Answer 10

You have bigger problems than your finances, should I let him handle MY money? Are you married or on a renewable contract?

I would recommend you find a financial counselor who can take you through where you are now, where you want to be when you retire and how to get there. My experience is that a good counselor doesn't always tell you many new things, but they can pull all your financial strings together and give you a different overview and prospectus for the future.

The two of you need to be on the same page or this will be the issue that drives you apart,
Being married is challanging enough, and money is the number one argument instigator as reported by couples. Fix this soon.