I am separated from my husband of 6 years. We were married for 5 years before we separated, so we have been separated for 1 year. I started dating a guy about 6 months ago, that I really care so much about, and I let him know at the time that I was going through a divorce, and he was okay with that as long as everything was completely over between myself and my husband. Now 8 months later, I am in love with this man, and he with me. We are really happy together. However, my husband now wants a second chance, I was the one that initiated the separation due to my unhappiness in the relationship, and he says he has changed and wants a second chance. I know that he has changed many of the things that I am unhappy with so now I am torn. I am from a very religious family that does not believe in divorce, and they are now pressuring me to give him a second chance. On one hand I feel a sense of obligation to him, after all it is "until death do you part", but on the other hand I simply cannot bear to tell this other guy, that I cannot see him anymore. The very thought of it makes my heart break. I know my husband had told people close to me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he knows how royally he screwed up with me. But he has also told them that he isn't going to give me much more time to change my mind about the divorce, and I honestly don't know how I feel about it. I have run through the scenario in my mind, of breaking up with my BF and going to counseling with my husband, and the thought brings me to tears. At the same time, there is that little nagging thought in the back of my head, that my husband will always be there, he is just a loyal kind of guy. But what if my BF eventually breaks my heart, then I will be left alone, and maybe wishing I had worked things out with my husband, and no chance to do so at that point. So to sum it all up, I guess my question is " Do I give my husband a second chance just because he is my husband, and give up the man I am in love with? All this in hopes of falling in love with my husband again?"
2007-07-19 13:53:40 · 8 answers · asked by atablackbelt 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First off I think that no one should push you into anything. You need to decide what to do yourself. (referring to your family pushing you) I think if you are not in love with your husband anymore then perhaps its better to move on. Reconciliation depends on two people loving one another enough to do what ever it takes to make things work. If you do love him still and your willing to do whats needed then you should end your new relationship and start to rebuild your marriage. I think ultimately you need to know are you still in love with your husband and has he changed enough to make you happy. If not then finish the divorce. Don't remain in an unhappy marriage because of what your religious background is saying. I am a Christian but I would not stay in a unhappy marriage. I will pray for you and I wish you the best!
2007-07-19 14:14:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Tough one. I guess the most important question you need to ask yourself is... are you still in love with your husband? I mean, it sounds like you have moved on, but are there still feelings there for your husband?
If you are just thinking about reconciling with him out of obligation and you really aren't in love with him, then I say move on. But if those feelings that were there on the day you married him (not the butterfies, and the first year stuff, but the REAL feelings) then I say give your marriage another chance.
Your family needs to stay out of it unless you ask for their advice, but to pressure you one way or another isn't what you need. This is a decision that you need to make for YOU not anyone else.
As far as your BF maybe breaking your heart... well the operative word there is MAYBE, and love isn't full proof nor are there ever any guarantees.
While you may be the best thing that ever happened to your husband, he may not be your best thing.
Love and obligation don't go hand in hand. The most important thing is that you make yourself happy.
One more question... when you think about divorcing your husband does that bring you to tears too?
Good Luck and God bless
2007-07-19 14:04:33 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsay G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you really in love or just caught up in the lust of this new relationship? I would give your marriage a second chance. I believe marriage takes work and habits can be changed. The only reason I can see for divorce is abuse or adultry
2007-07-19 14:00:41 · answer #3 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to look deep into your heart and follow what it tells you to do. do you still love your husband? if you do not tell him so you can get on with your life,but if there is any love left you need to try and make it work with your husband. you know he loves you because he wants you back. you are the only one who can honestly answer this questions. you need to do a lot of soul searching. good luck.
2007-07-19 14:00:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This place you've found yourself in sounds alot like FEAR to me. I believe that you truly care for these two men, one cause it's kind of "naughty" and the other out of a true sense of "loyalty". I really do relate to your situation because as long as I had someone...just someone...so I wouldn't have to be alone...I wasn't good at alone or at taking care of me...I was EXCELENT at taking care of others though...
......maybe this isn't the case for you...I can't know, but it gave me butterflies in my stomache as I read your question and it was uncomfortable...like being afraid is.
A good friend once told me "Spend 1 year alone, no relationships, just buy a plant". I thought she was nuts...but for the life of me I couldn't keep that darn plant alive...I'd talk to it...pray for it...scold it...it died anyway...I never really did just let it do what plants do...let it love me a little...I stayed out of relationships for 3 years and I learned to like me, and be ok with me, alone.
What sucked for me was like you said "til death do us part"....but I was unfaithful and that went against everything I'd been taught...morals replaced with shame...and shame begets shame begets shame.....Oh it brings tears to my eyes to remember that person I was then...anyway that is not you...Good Luck...I hope I didn't screw ya up too bad
2007-07-19 14:16:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
fairly, the _Little Women_ series by Louisa would Alcott. that's have been given quite some exciting scenes and that's fairly cutting-side in its professional-lady outlook. it is likewise an attractive tale with great, emotional moments. (Oh, and particular, of direction, the Bible. ~wicked wink~ )
2016-10-22 03:03:18 · answer #6 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention any children, so I would do what makes me happy. No one should try and tell you who to live with. Life is short, so love who makes you the happiest.
2007-07-19 14:07:23 · answer #7 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CUT THE TIES , YOU SAY YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE , IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON , BEFORE YOU GET TO DEEPLY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE YOU NEED SOME ALONE TIME TO REVIEW YOUR LIFE AND DECIDE WHATS BEST FOR YOU
2007-07-19 14:07:25 · answer #8 · answered by aaron h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋