Complete lack of sex with wife.?

Question

Before she was my wife, she was my girlfriend (obviously), and we had sex 5 or 6 times a week for the first year. As we dated, year after year for 4 years, that slowed down to once a week. I figured that was normal (even though I wished it was more), but now that we've been married 2.5 years, it went to once every two weeks, to once a month, to now it's July and we've had sex twice in 7 months! She still seems loving and caring, and nothing else seems to be wrong except she just never wants to sleep with me at all anymore. She says it's normal but I think it's really really not. We're both in our early 30's and I am seriously worried about our future. I love her like crazy but I don't know if I can continue... without. We have no children yet and I don't even want any with someone I am so nervous about a furture with. I feel so shallow because otherwise she is everything I could ever want. We had such a great sex life before marriage and now we have literally none. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Hmm, that's very odd. I agree that it could be some medical problem...or something hormonal. It sounds like she is happy in the relationship since she is still showing all of the other signs.

I don't see that you mentioned anything about talking to her about it, but perhaps you have. If not, I would say that would be the first step. If you bring it up carefully without complaining that you need more (not implying that you do)....then she will be more likely to respond.

The two of you are still young. Just as an example, my husband is 38 and I am 36. We are still" together" at least once per week. Of course that doesn' t set the standard for everyone, but I am just saying that as little as you are intimate probably is a little unusual. I don't know if she is on the pill or not, but by chance if she is...did she start taking it around the time your intimacy became less? I am trying to remember.. I was on the pill a couple of years ago and I have a thought that it might have made me want it some less. Might talk to her about it.

Now, the not wanting to sleep with you sounds a little odd. Except, here awhile back I got in this habit of wanting to sleep on the couch. I simply liked it better and I had this feeling that my husband really didn't care if I was in there with him or not. One night we had an argument and come to find out that he didn't think it was right...and I said, well..I'm sorry, I didn't know it mattered to you. I would much rather be with you. So, you see...I thought it was simply that the couch was more comfy...until he said that he missed me being with him and then I realized that I was just hurt that he never seemed to care if I was there or not. Since then, we cuddle more and he tries harder to make me feel loved. My point is, she may say that it is normal...but I bet there is something else bothering her. And I am not at all implying that has anything to do with you...maybe it is something to do with her.

There is always therapy. My husband and I went and it really does help. Maybe a sex therapist...I don't know? Good luck to you. Continue talking with her about it now and then so she knows that this matters to you. I know how much you love her, but she needs to know how serious a problem this is for you.

One more tip...women love romance. You know..the whole rose petal trail to the bedroom...bubble baths..candles...it all makes a difference. Sometimes women feel that needs to be a part of sex. You could be the most romantic guy in the world for all I know, lol...but I had to put that in there. Hope things work out for both of you!

Answer 2

You need to have a long talk with your husband, if something doesn't change you can kiss even the once every 3 or 4 months goodbye. However, drugs to promote an erection are not the problem; those are good for achieving an erection when the desire is there, but as you've described your situation his problem is lack of desire which usually is due to low testosterone levels. Prescription drugs can cause horrible side effects, but there are natural products that claim a high degree of success. Since I've not had that problem I'm not able to make any recommendations, but that's the avenue I'd pursue if I did have the problem. But he's going to want to do something about it if the problem is to be resolved. I'm not sure if the Institute for Vibrant Living has a natural herb compound that addresses his problem or not. I've got an enlarged prostate, getting up at night wasn't much of a problem but being unable to get an erection was doing a number on my male ego - saw their ad - looked up the Better Business Bureau report and the BBB gave them an A+ rating. Order their product and asked how long before I could expect improvement - 2 months. Almost exactly 2 months after starting taking their product for my problem, this 76 year old man was able to get an erection. With the product I ordered they offered a money back guarantee, I've no idea if they've even got one for your husband but I'd sure check them out. But again, he has to want to improve - unless you're going to force feed him the pills. :) Good luck

Answer 3

Although many people THINK this is not normal, I assure you it is. I just turned 30 and I have not had a sex drive for over 5 years. Quite honestly, I could go the rest of my life and not have sex and be happy about it.

I had a hysterectomy at 24, which probably has a lot to do with it, but it is more common than you may think. I live in a metro area and I would say 75% of my friends are the same way and they did not have hysterectomies. My Gyn says it is due to hormone levels changing in younger woman due to all the pollution and health problems we have these days.

It doesn't mean that she loves you any less (I love my hubby with my entire heart and soul), but she is telling you the truth when she says she is not in the mood. It's sad and something that we certainly did not ask for or ever think would happen to us....but we deal with it the very best we can.

Answer 4

Believe it or not we women like sex as much as you men and like you we get bored with the same old thing as you do.You need to approach this differently. If you would set the mood like bring her home some flowers and a nice bottle of wine which by the way is a great mood setter.Wine does something to us women.Don't what ever you do mention sex because that right there will turn her right off .Let her think she is the one who is coming on to you. Men want it in the same room the same bed but us women want something different it could be the smallest thing.Try it see what happens don't give up on her because it just might not be her but you.

Answer 5

I have a problem with the "don't want to sleep with you" It could be because she don't want you to attempt to have sex with her. There is a change of life that women go through with. Sometimes women start this menopause as early as "25" years of age. Talk to her and see if she will be honest with you. If she a member of a church that's really teaching the truth. She is taught that Oral sex is ungodly and i do agree. It is sodomy and if that is part of your sexual activities she may not be happy with it. There is something she is not telling you. Are you sure she is sharing her medical information? She could be ill. There is a reason she is with drawing. Could you have done something out of the marriage that she could have found out about? are could some one have told her something. Believe me I a "65" years of age and I know there is a story untold. She need to share with you. You have got to have her to open up to you. The last resort is therapy. I have a problem with taking advice from the ungodly. You guys try to work this out first. Your minister second and like i say Therapist last.

Answer 6

I noticed you said "I don't think I can continue without..." You must face that someday, if you are with a woman, there will come a day that all sex will end (old age, etc.). =) Marriage and love is deeper than just sex.
But of course, you don't want that to end now, when you're madly in love and want to show it for years to come! Right?
There is a reason behind everything, especially if everything seems fine otherwise. It seems like you talked to her, and maybe she's not willing to share right now.
Women need to know what sex means to the man they are with. Many don't understand that its man's main means of showing affection. Explain to her WHY you need it. (And don't say what you know you shouldn't!!) lol
Make sure that when you two are together, its more than just SEX. Make sure she knows you're showing her you love her.
Good luck, and don't forget the candles. =)

Answer 7

This is most certainly not normal. Don't continue like this. Get counseling or at the very least talk to her about your feelings and read a self help book or two together. Unfortunately, you're pre-marital sex life was the proverbial candle in the wind. It just burned too hot and too fast, and therefore burned out too quickly. BTW, super hot premarital sex is one of the five red flags for single men that your girlfriend will make a frigid wife.

Make changes now unless you are resigned to living in a sexless marriage (which you are currently), or spend the rest of your life going behind her back and cheating all the time. Either way is a loosing situation for you.

Answer 8

talk to her and find out if she doesn't want to sleep with you cuz you do something she does not enjoy or what not and tell her that a healthy sex life is vital to a relationship especially a marriage and try to make it about you trying to connect more deeply with her. maybe sign up for a tantric sex lesson or somthing. also don't try to seduce her only when you want sex. think of it this way...after your wife spends a crapload of $$$ at the mall or something she might soften the blow by making your favorite meal getting you a beer being all sweet and stuff. it is like that with women only it takes a day or two of this...in your wife;s case maybe a week or so...and that might do the trick. good luck

Answer 9

I had this same problem. The reason for my not wanting sex is becos I didn't really enjoy it. If ever, he did a good job, I keep thinking about the next day and even wanted more. But once he did a bad job, my mood is off for a while. It can be weeks but I dare not tell him the reason. Could your wife be having the reason for not wanting sex.

Answer 10

It could be emotional or chemical or a problem in your relationship but it could be that you aren't any good in bed. Many women will stay with a bad lover because of other attributes but if you are selfish in bed she isn't going to want it anymore.
signs of selfishness
1)you always finish first
2)you want more oral than you give
3)you ignore any advice she gives you about what she wants
4)rough stimulation- i know pornos make it seem like you should finger a woman like you are pointing out a criminal in a court room but that isn't the way to do it!!

If you don't know how to get her off then watch her please herself or just ask her.