my husband and i married 4 years hes controlling mean nasty and claims to have my best interests @ heart says he loves me but has cheated alot my kids and family dont like him, ive left him several times but i cant stand him anymore i feel like im not giving him enuff chances or whatever but i know i dont love him i just want away from him i cant have friends im not allowed to watch certain tv shows and i have to go to bed at the same time he does or i hear b*tching for days on end on how im a bad wife and i dont do my WIFELY duites for him he always puts me down and i just take it most of the time it doesnt do any good to stand up against him thank god he hasnt laid a hand on me but any advice would be greatly appreciated i work in a very hot environment every day and come home to pick up his dirty clothes strung from the front door to the bedroom then cook then do the wifey thing plz should i leave or is this what we r suppose to put up with?
2007-07-19 12:56:36 · 30 answers · asked by fl_native69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
LEAVE and I would NOW verbal abuse is just as bad as physical if not worse.
Leave for you!! You deserve so much better. Go out and have yourself a WONDERFUL LIFE without him.. & don't wait till all your friends are gone!
the few good times do not MAKE UP for the BAD. They do not make the abuse all better, and just because one day out of a month he says but "baby I love you" doesn't make up for all the times he called you a BAD wife!
2007-07-19 13:04:19 · answer #1 · answered by t_jay_59 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is not what a happy marriage is supposed to be like. You did not marry your father and that is how he is acting. You married your partner, your equal ( you thought). If you are equal with someone, in your mind, would you treat them the way your husband treats you? Would you share all the duties and still give them some space if they had a long day? Think about how you would like to be treated then go to your husband and let him know what you need. If he can not give you what you need in order to be happier then you need to consider counseling first and divorce if that does not work. Men who treat their spouses abusively have been able to see the light and turn a new leaf. Some, however, will never change. He is emotionally abusive to you and those scars are harder to heal. If you allow it to continue for too much longer the scars may never heal and that will not allow you to have a healthy relationship in the future. Never forget that one of your best interests is to live in a happy, healthy marriage and you do not have that right now. Good Luck to you. The sooner you start this the sooner he will either wake up and change or not wake up and you need to move on then.
2007-07-19 20:07:41 · answer #2 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is certainly not the way a marriage should be. My suggestion (not knowing all the details, obviously) would be to try to talk with him. You've probably already done that, but perhaps you haven't told him this is serious enough for you to consider divorce.
There must be something between the two of you, after all, you fell in love and had children. Tell him you'd like to get back to that. If it can't happen, then I believe it is time to move on. Keep in mind, that even if he says he'll change, you still need to safe guard yourself and give it time before you assume things are going to REALLY be ok. You may have to seek counselling, together, or seperately.
In the mean time, try just telling him you're too tired to do what he asks of you... just be honest. It might show you exactly where your marriage lies.
I believe that a marriage should be fixed whenever possible, but there are certainly times that even God says its ok to move on. And, when a spouse cheats, that is one of those times...
Best of luck, and lots of prayers to you. So sorry you're having to struggle through this. Hang in there.
2007-07-19 20:41:02 · answer #3 · answered by SouthernBelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact you are on here.Is your answer.NO you shouldnt have to put up with that crap.If you work and earn money and contribute.Then responsibilitys at home should be delegated.
If you do not love him.Leave him.Life is short.To short to let someone treat you bad.And degrade your self worth.
Go to someones house you know that is not afraid to stand up to him.Just refuse to talk to him.Call the police if you have to.To get him to leave.
His hate will eventually suck you in with it.You will ultimately become him.
I hope and will pray that you get the strength to do the right thing for you and your kids.Because if not.That is most likely be the way your kids turn out.
Hope things get better for you.God bless
2007-07-19 20:07:16 · answer #4 · answered by kenneth h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand WHY you are allowing this man to do this to you!! I know that you have left him several times.....why on earth would you go back?? Why would you want your kids to grow up in a house with him as their father figure??
I just don't understand why you don't have more respect for yourself as a woman and your children's well being.
I really think you should consider leaving him BEFORE he decides to beat you one day. He has already cheated on you (a lot as you say), he treats you like a maid (not a wife) and puts you down. Would you allow everyone else to use you as a doormat??
Look, I am no professional therapist or anything, but there has to be something better for you than what you currently have!! I mean, living alone would be better than putting up with this kind of treatment. What kind of life is that for you?? What kind of life is that for your kids??
If you don't want to leave him for yourself, leave him for your children. You children deserve to see their mother being loved and treated with respect, not talked down to, degraded, used, abused, etc.
I really hope you consider leaving this man for good....he's not good for you!
2007-07-19 20:04:53 · answer #5 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you do not put up with that. You are crazy to think that a man should or can control you like that. You need to divorce him. Some part of you might say you love him, but hate is a more powerful emotion. You tell him to sort it out before you step out and remind him what he'll be missing. You seem like the most lovely person ever. Don't suffer because of that ***!
2007-07-19 20:00:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am so for marriage and trying to work it out. But in your case honey,,,,,,,,,, RUN DO NOT WALK...get the Hell out Now before he destroys the very life that you once new was your own. He is a sociopath an abuser. You are in a very abusive relationship that is one sided his way or the highway. I know this all to well. Get out while you still can. You will look back and say what was I thinking? Do not let this man take one more day of your life. Do not get involved in another relationship for a long while until you heal and discover who you are. Take care of yourself. Do not let him take your life. Please listen to me? You can not change a person like this they only get worse.
God Bless you
2007-07-19 20:05:38 · answer #7 · answered by moondego 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Last I knew slavery was dead!!!! Start calling some lawyers.
Your life sounds like what I've put up with for 30 years of marriage, what a night mare, I'm going through a divorce mine has been in the courts for two years now. There's more to life than this crap, I'm happy you too woke up!!! If you want email me I know how upsetting this situation is.
2007-07-19 20:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't supposed to put with this. You weren't put on this earth to please him, or any other man for that matter. You have a right to be happy and he is being overly controlling. He hasn't laid his hands on you YET. The first step though is controlling a woman and isolating her from friends and family. THEN the physical violence starts. You deserve much better than this. Get your kids and get out. A marriage is supposed to be a 50/50 partnership.
2007-07-19 20:02:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ah well if life with him isn't good enough i advise you to just leave. he seems like a "not a very good husband" guy, with him making you do everything he wants you to do, and if he has been cheating on you and your kids, then that is bad enough, cause he probaly has his heart to another person, and that could lead to very bad things to the family. you shouldn't be working your butt off because of him being lazy and careless. and if you just put up with him, then later on, the problems will get worse.
but if you do leave, then think about your kids. if they are in young age, they probaly will not remember much of your divorce with him later on in life. but the older they are, the more sad they will become.
just give some more thought about it.
2007-07-19 20:08:16 · answer #10 · answered by BreoTyrie. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋