When me n my bf first got together, I cheated for about the first1 1/2 years. Then I stopped bcuz he kissed my friend when I was pregnant. Anyways, it's been a rollercoaster and now he won't stop worrying about me leaving him bcuz he's having nightmares about out cuz an ex tried to contact me and he picked up the phone. I wasn't trying to get back with my ex, and it's driving me nuts. By the way, it's been 4 yrs. since we first got together and I haven't even talked to my ex in 2 1/2 yrs. How do I get him to let go of the past andlive in the present. We have a child and I'm sick of having to reassure him that I'm not going anywhere. He also wants to marry me, but I'm not ready, I'm young and I think marriage changes ppls relationships. Anyways, what should I do? What would you do? I want us to have a good relationship, but he's such a downer and he's so negative. PLZ HELP!!!!!
2007-07-19 12:36:08 · 4 answers · asked by Jenel 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Not to sound rude, but it's no suprise that he has trust issues with you. In order to regain his trust because of your past actions, he needs to witness that your actions and words match up. If you tell him that you love him and want to be with him but in the next breath act as if he's replaceable then he will never feel at ease in your relationship.
It's alot of work but he may need alot of reassurance. Although it may seem tedious you have to realize this trust issue is because of you and your mistake(s). Also, you're the secure one in the relationship. If it's too much of a hassle and you're not willing to put forth an effort to assure him, then maybe this relationship isn't right for you? You have a child that needs you. You can't take care of him and a grown man at the same time.
2007-07-19 12:50:46 · answer #1 · answered by christyn79 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're the wrong one to be impatient with his trust issues because you're the one who created the issues in the first place. If you ran down someone with your car, for example, it would be ridiculous for you to complain about how long it took for them to heal. If you care about this guy, you're just gong to have to give him the time it takes for him to reach a healthy state again....it takes what it takes. One hint here: arguing about it generally doesn't make matters better because it just keeps what was done to him fresh in his mind. The burden of regaining trust is on you (since you violated it) so take a deep breath, and dig in for the long haul because that's what people genuinely interested in making amends do. (If you discover it's too much for you or is otherwise not worth the effort, then be honest with him about that too and leave). But for someone who's admitted cheating over a year and a half time span (during a four year relationship) you're remarkably thin-skinned about the whole thing. Grow up a bit and realize that there are real emotions attached to people (even men) and when they're wounded, actual damage occurs. Good luck to you.
2007-07-19 19:48:50 · answer #2 · answered by Captain S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You messed up by cheating on him for a year and a half. It takes along time to trust someone after that. So don't expect him to trust you!! You just have to deal with it if you really love him. Give him time to heal okay? I don't blame him you're lucky he didn't leave along time ago.
2007-07-19 21:08:02 · answer #3 · answered by Angelique 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cheated, I don't blame him.
I'm sorry, but I don't think either you or he deserves a secnod chance. Nobody who cheats ever does.
2007-07-19 19:46:11 · answer #4 · answered by Allie Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋