First Baby and Scared?

Question

I had my first baby saturday, and im so scared and i feel like a terrible mother already. Some times i feel happy to be a mom and other times i cant stop crying. I also wanted to breastfeed and at times i like it and other times i wanna give up. And now because of my antidepressants i might stop breastfeeding so she doesnt get any of the drug in her, but i dont know if im making the right decision. I want whats best for her, and i dont know what that is. Is there anyway i can acctually like being a mom and stop crying? Im home alone with her most of the day and night, and my husband doesnt help out cause he is scared to even touch her thinking he will break her. And i wanted so bad to be a mom, and now that i am i find myself wishing i could go back in time. Is this normal after birth??

Answer 1

You are probably a little depressed, I felt the same way too with my first baby last year. But I had help from my mom, i felt I wasn't good enough and a bad mother but you probably need more help and advice from somebody who already has had children. I know I was stressed taking care of my son, when I was a newbie at this. My mother helped me take care of him and you are preobably so stressed because the dad is scared he'll break her. Try getting some help from a friend or parent. Stress can also cause depression. Everything will be ok, it takes time and lots od practice to be good at parenting and taking care of your child. Good Luck.

Answer 2

To a certain extent some baby blues are normal but there is something called post partum depression and if you don't seek help for it,it could end up badly. I would go to your OB/GYN and tell them about it and let them tell you whats best to do and not to do...as for your husband he should really be helping right now especially with the feelings you are having...He is not going to break the baby so he should really try to get over that hump asap so he can help out with baby when you need a break.
If things get too stressful for you while you are home alone with baby then you should place baby in its crib make sure baby is safe in there for a couple of minutes and go in the other room and take a breather because being a mom for the first time and seeing how the baby is not that old it can be really stressful at times so just take a Me-Time moment and destress before going back to baby. It will not hurt baby to cry a little bit while you destress because I think you would much rather baby cry it out a little rather than get stressed at baby and then you both be miserable,because babies can sense when you are tense and it makes them tense also.
You are not a horrible mother just because you feel that way because it seems like you are tryin to get a little help with the feelings you are having and that is being a good mother. Just go to the doctor as soon as you can and try to find out why u are having these feelings because if it is post partum depression they have ways of making it better for you...
Good luck to you and I really hope all goes well for you and your child!

Answer 3

It is normal.

And it just sucks.

Let me tell you this: the fact that you are so worried means you're a good mom!

Try to hang in there with the breastfeeding. Give it two weeks. You might get the hang of it. But if it doesn't work out, then formula IS ABSOLUTELY OKAY. You're going to get a lot of lectures from moms who will try to make you feel bad about using formula. Don't let them get to you. Millions of people were given formula and grew up to completely fine. The best thing to do would to be to talk to YOUR doctor about your options concerning breastfeeding and taking an antidepressant.

And little babies are kind of scary! And that's okay, too. Remember that part of the reason you're crying a lot is because of your hormones, NOT because you're crazy or a bad mom. Babies are a big responsibility and that can be scary.

Also remember that babies are a little tougher than we give them credit for. When my son was new, I was constantly afraid that he was on the verge of death! Instead of what he really was: just napping! MAKE your husband help. Tell him he can do it!

I would call a good friend or your mom or whoever and have them come sit with you for an hour or two. Sometimes a little human, adult contact can make a world of difference.

But above all, remember this: YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ALL OF THE ANSWERS RIGHT NOW. JUST DO THE BEST YOU CAN! YOUR BABY WILL BE FINE! YOU ARE GOOD MOM!

Answer 4

Honey what you are feel is first time mom jitters. that is so normal to feel that way. I have to boy 6 and 2 and there were times that I wanted to drop them off a social services because I thought that someone could do a better job then me. And I have been a single mom for 7 years and it is hard. and as for your husband goes. Give him some time he will come around and before you know it you have daddy's little girl and he would breastfeed her if he could. Just give it some time and things will get better and you will get the hang of this mommy thing. FYI it is always better the second time around you are better at it. Good luck and congrats on the new baby and you will be the best mom you can be.

Answer 5

It's normal to feel overwhelmed and inadequate. The love you feel is the most powerful feeling human beings can have. It's the most intense thing I've ever experienced.

I think our society does a poor job of preparing new parents. Compared to tribal days, we live in a lot of isolation and we don't have the support we need for this momentous time.

You have to do whatever it takes now to gain control of your sanity. If that means switching to formula, so be it. Formula is extremely awesome these days, both my children had it and they are healthy as you please. I won't argue that breastfeeding is best, but there comes a time when you need to decide if it's causing you too much stress. If it's too hard, stop! I did, and my only regret was that I didn't stop sooner. I was so relieved to know my son was getting enough to eat, I was so glad to have one less thing to cry about.

What's best for the baby is your love. You need to feel okay so that you can take proper care of her. Stop torturing yourself and do what you need to do. This is a mother's strength.

Next MAKE your husband touch her and get to know her. Even if he just lays next to her for a bit, she deseprately needs his touch and his care. He's got to undertand he won't break her. He has to learn to be a Dad and that's hands-on job! Touch is the most important thing to a baby!

Finally, get some help. Family. Company. Friends. Support group. Anything. Other people will give you a break, emotional support, perspective, and simply tell you you're not alone. I think this is very critical for you now. You just need to be around someone so you don't feel alone.

After my son was born, my Mom came over. She made me a spaghetti dinner, and ordered me to put the baby down and eat my dinner with two hands. She told me it was okay to look after my needs. I broke down crying... but she saved my sanity and set me on the right path to being a decent Mom. And all I needed was for her to say it.

*HUGZ* for you, this is a challenging time but once you get your feet under you I'm sure you'll be a fantastic and happy Mom. Wishing you the best.

Answer 6

What you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal. I am a new mom as well. I have a 4 week old baby and I am just now starting to get the hang of it. There are so many hormonal changes that your body goes through, also all the physical pain and discomfort you are experiencing from giving birth, and the fact that you are now living your life for your baby. I have talked to many of my friends and everyone seems to go through 2 weeks of the baby blues. I cried for the first week that my baby was born with thought similar to yours. Thoughts like, I miss the time my husband and I shared together before the baby was around. I miss being able to hang out with my friends whenever I want to. Miss being able to go shopping, etc. But you will realize that you are going through the hardest part of motherhood right now. It only gets better from here. If it didn't, people wouldn't ever have more than one child. I promise by the end of next week you will be crying less and by the time your baby is a month old you will pretty much be a pro. One piece of advice about anti-depressants and breastfeeding... don't hesitate to call your doctor so you can make the best decision for you and your baby. Its not worth sitting around worrying about stuff like that it will only depress/scare you more. Just call your doctor anytime you aren't sure and it will give you piece of mind. I called my pediatrician at least 3 times the first week and I have gone to the doctor once a week since she was born. I always feel better afterwards.

Also talk to your husband about why you are crying and the things that you miss about your previous life. You will find that you can actually do all the things you used to if you just give it some time. After one month things will start to get back to normal. And after 3 months it get MUCH easier because your baby will start sleeping through the night. A lot of what's making you cry is the fact that you're sleep deprived.

I am very confident that you are going to be a great mom because obviously you care since you posted this question and you want to breastfeed for the good of your baby. Also remember that to be a good mom you need to still have time for yourself. Maybe your husband can give you at least 30 minutes a day to take a shower, go for a walk, or do whatever you want that doesn't involve the baby. You need to make sure you find some time for yourself too or you will go crazy. It took me a while to figure out that I still needed to take care of myself too and not just the baby.

I wish you all the best but like I said, you have already gone through the hardest part... just think positive and take things day by day. Make sure to ask your husband for some YOU time this weekend when he's not working. Explain to him that you will be a better mom and wife if you can have some time to feel like yourself again.

Answer 7

hormones are doing a number on you and that is very normal. Post partum depression is something to look out for too though and you should see a doctor if you feel depressed and disinterested and unable to cope. There are ways to get help. One thing to keep in mind, always, is that you need to take care of yourself FIRST in order to be a good mother and to be able to take care of your baby well. Breastfeeding is great but, getting the hang of it can take a few days. There's nothing wrong with bottle feeding but, don't give into it until you're sure that's what you want because you can't change your mind after a few days and go back to it. Give it a couple of weeks, would be my advice. The baby gets great nutritional benefits every day you breastfeed. I think it's really important for your husband to get over his fear of breaking the baby (which is very normal, for women too) and to participate fully. There's no time like the present and she will be changing every day and he will be missing out on getting to know her and learning from her and bonding with her and he shouldn't miss it. Let him change her and burp her and hold her and leave her alone with him if you need to in order to get him to take some responsiblity. It's really not ok for him to just say he's afraid and not do his share of the work, and along with that comes trememndous joy. You need each other and you need to be there for each other and for the baby.

Answer 8

Man, you sound just like me (except I didn't have any drugs except painkillers for my c-section). I think it was 3 or 4 weeks until everything stopped making me cry. Your husband needs to step up and help you out though. You need to be able to lean on him and he needs to tell you you're doing a good job...which you are! The crying will stop, it's all the hormone change in your body causing it. If you feel the urge to hurt your baby though...please get help as that's not normal and could be post partum depression.

As for the breastfeeding....I don't know if you're taking the antidepressants because you're crying now or if they are a maintenance med you need on-going. If the 1st is true....stop taking them and continue to breastfeed her....in 2 or 3 weeks, you'll be happy you did.

In the meantime, get out and take a walk (if you can), watch funny tv, and SLEEP when she sleeps! That's very important. You don't want to become sleep deprived on top of everything else. Good luck and Congratulations!

Answer 9

It's normal to be scared with a first baby. I was! I used to tense up when she would cry because I was afraid I couldn't soothe her. It gets better, I promise.
Is there an antidepressant that you can still breastfeed with? i would ask. It is the greastest give you can give your child-and if you can't, formula is FINE. i supplemented with formula and my daughter can speak in 4-6 word sentences at age 2.
You will find out what is best for you both. Try to get your husband involved. Start slowly-my hubby was the same way. Now he is really hands on.
You have to realize that you have a new baby. your body is trying to get back to normal. You are going to be a great mom! Congrats and good luck!

Answer 10

You are normal. Take your anti-depressants because you do sound like you are having some post-partum depression. Don't worry if you have to change to formula. While everyone pushes breast feeding it is not the only way to go. Formula is healthy and will not cause any problems with the child (note breast feeding is best for most babies and mom's but not all). As for your husband, keep encouraging him to hold the baby and don't criticize what he does because it is not how you do it. It will help him feel much more comfortable with her. Also maybe look for a parenting class if you husband still feels really scared and it might help him realize it is a baby and not glass.