how do i get my friend to stop dating my daughter?

Question

i married a man with 2 daughters weve been together for 10 years. the oldest just turned 17 and one of our close friends has been dating her behind our backs he's 21. we asked him not to but he still is i hate him but my husband is still friends with him, my stepdaughter swears their just friends but theve been spotted kissing what can i do to stop this she is a 4. point student with a great future hes a loser that still lives with his parents.

Answer 1

I am not any big autority on this, but as u know from history, trying to split them up will only backfire. Look at the story Romeo and Juliet.... I would encourage her to do other things and try and not be negative about the man, sometimes young girls frind men that their family hates more attractive. It is like getting away with something. I dated a few like that and soon lost interest on my own. I would also say that if the girl goes away to school she will probably become interested in someone else and break the relationship off herself. I also know sad stories of families who broke somone up and the person ended up worse, much worse than if the couple would have stayed together. Just be sensitive. Hopefully things will work out for the best.

best of luck..

Answer 2

How do you call somebody a friend AND a loser in one paragraph? Talk to this 17-year-old stepdaughter like a friend would and ask her exactly what she sees in this guy. Why do you view him as a loser just because he lives with his parents. If his parents are okay with this, then what is the real problem? All I am saying is that there must be more of a reason to refer to him as a loser other than the fact that he is living at home. One of my sons lived at home until he was 21, then he moved out and has been on his own for 9 years now. He has been employed with the same employer for as long and the previous employer for 3 years. He owns two cars (completely paid for), buys his own groceries, bills, etc., and never asks us for money. I would not tolerate anyone calling him a loser. Find out exactly why it is you don't like him. Your stepdaughter may just be going through a phase. Make sure she is using birth control. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS OR YOUR HUSBAND HAS TO DO THIS. I am not saying you are wrong to have your feelings about this, but you can't hate him and still call him a close friend. That doesn't make any sense. If you husband is such close friends with him, why doesn't HE address this matter? Well, anyway, good luck, no matter what you decide to do. God bless!

Answer 3

Talking to the boy or the boy's parents isn't the solution; he's legally an adult and is free to make his own decisions. Personally, I don't think there's too big of a deal if he lives at home still... as long as he's got direction in his life... tho he *should* respect your wishes, as you are the parent of your daughter (who again, is a minor).

It depends on your relationship with your daughter. I don't know you or her... kids react differently. Perhaps if you called the police, or the more you try to influence her to break-up with him... this would only drive her more into his arms.

Appeal to her smarts if she is a 4.0 student. Don't just say, "don't date him... he's a loser," without good reasons. Justify all your statements.

Really tho, I recommend gentle/subtle steering... not debate and argument. Hint at things. If your daughter has direction, goals, aspirations... applaud her for that... then ask her what this boy's are. Act disappointed that he has none (don't insult him).

Does she have her sights on a college? Ask where the boy is going or has gone... don't say he's an idiot, but just say stuff like, "...it's really tough these days to get a good job or career without a degree..."

Lastly... try not asking any questions you don't already know the answers to. I was a kid... I tended to respond negatively to orders/instructions/demands... and try not to be too obvious about the manipulation... don't make it an interrogation... it's a conversation.

Unfortunately, you may be a little too late in the game for this, esp. if you've already ask the boy not to date your daughter. He has undoubtedly discussed this with her already. Perhaps it's still worth a shot.

Other option is, instead of trying to pull her away from where you don't want her... push her to where you want her :) Push her to college. She's young. She'll meet plenty of kids at school and realize that there is better out. It's not like they are engaged.

Here's the bad news. You've got 2 problems. The other issue is with your husband. Nothing wrong with having friends of all ages. I have friends that are 10 yrs younger and 17 yrs older than myself. The issue is, if he knows your view on this situation yet does nothing...

Answer 4

I don't think there is a way to have her break up w/ him b/c not many teens would really listen to their parents and do what their parents want them to do. You can either warn her that she is a minor and being with the guy can cause issues with the law and tell her that unless she wants the guy to go to jail and stuff, then she needs to listen to you b/c you are just trying to help her from making a mistake that could mess up her life.
If that doesn't work then you need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. He needs to talk to the guy about this, I think the friend will get the message if your husband has a talk with him about it.
If all fails, just let the cops bring the law into this situation. It may seem rude but she is a minor still, no matter how much older she may feel and she must obey the laws b/c they are there to protect her. And sometimes we have to learn things the hard way.

'Hope this helps!

Answer 5

First off i would like to let you know that you are a ***** middle age perevert. And you just want to look at your daughters titties. and third your dik is probbly like a turtle on a sunday moarning in the cold water. Just like my old friend William eaton. Tell the guy to trim and eat 5 viagras a day. and when they have sex blindfold the girl and she will never know the size as long as she likes the motion of the boat. o and if it is small. get some binoculars. =]

Answer 6

Telling her to lose this 21 year old would be like telling you to lose a 21 year old close friend. How did this work out anyway? I mean by the sounds of it you and the hubby are nearly what, 40? And still running with 21 year olds? Did you ever stop and think that your actions are what is teaching this girl right from wrong?

Answer 7

Why is he a losesr if he is 21 and still lives with his parents??? I think its a good idea to stay with your parents the longest you can. im not saying being old like 30 and still there,but if your getting work done and school done,and saving money,well thats great. 21 is still young,and parents should still be giving them emotional support. 21 use to be the age of an adult,recently it got changed to 18 back in the 1960's.
anyways...if he isn't a good guy then talk to your daughter. but if he is a good guy and your just worried about the age,then supervisor her more. if your not being supportive of her and shwoing her love,then when she does turn 18 which is soon,she will run off with someone who does she her any bit of love.

Answer 8

Be a supper embarrising mom! my mom does this 2 me all the time and I dont have a boy friend (not that I want one) You should do stuff like when you see her go "oh sweetie I missed you! come give your Mommy a kissie!" Yeah my mom does that 2 me all the time but I still love her! once when she was picking me up from school she keep waving to me and yelld "Honey Mommy's here!"

Answer 9

I would first have a talk with my daughter and tell her that what she is doing is not only wrong, but stupid. Guys that age with a girl that young have only one thing in mind and that is sex. He's going to sweet talk her til she gives in unless YOU as a parent intervene in the situation. What he is doing is illegal she is a minor and that is statutory rape, he can go to jail. You need to decide what needs to be done so that this comes to a stop. Like you said shes smart and could waste her brains on a loser if you let her. You also need to talk to your husband and make him understand he is condoning this relationship by remaining friends with this perv.

Answer 10

She may be a smart kid and unless you know this young man you shouldnt judge him. Todays generation still lives with their parents until 18-25. Find out who he is and what he's really about. And if he really is a good man and he makes her happy, then I dont see what would stop her from still having a great future but with someone she likes. Dont just think about what you want, but think about what makes her happy. But most of all, I say you look more into this guy before you really judge him.