I have been married for 17 years. I have had a vacsectomy. I am clean and I cannot understand why my wife has never made the first move. I have always had to initiate sex and now I am constantly turned down. Please help.
2007-07-19 10:18:18 · 19 answers · asked by Donnie P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i get turned down constantly too, but she is Prego right now, so it's OK! -Something is going on if it is different than it used to be........ you have to talk to her!
2007-07-19 10:21:02 · answer #1 · answered by i know it all! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention whether you have kids or not...taking care of a house is enough especially if perhaps your wife works.
It sounds to me like she needs a vacation. I read everyone's responses...I say go to wherever you went on your honeymoon. Tell her you want to get back to the "first love". Do all of the plans yourself. Include her only if she wants to be included. Does she like surprises? If so surprise her with a motel room that has a jacuzzi in it. Maybe a hot tub. Give her a massage...make this a second honeymoon to remember. NO KIDS!! If you have kids plan another vacation for them. My family and I are going to 6 flags and we are getting our tickets cheap. (Ebay) Plan in advance so that you can get them through the mail though.
Most of all help her to relax and know that you are there for her. When you get home from work. She has supper made offer to do the dishes or put a load of clothes in the washer or fold a load up. Put your shoes up. Tell her how good the meal was. Put your clothes in the laudry basket...there are so many easy ways to help and make her feel loved and appreicated. Show her your love for her. Complement her. Appreciate her. She will return your love.
I hope that you take the time and money to do the second honeymoon thing I think that that would really be nice for your marriage. Good Luck!!
2007-07-19 17:50:11 · answer #2 · answered by Shell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Am a little steamed, same thing happened to me as a woman and I WAS NOT CHEATING. Honestly don't call me a ***** across the breakfast table and then want bedroom aerobics at night. But also sometimes we get in such a rut that it is considered another household chore. Just like going out to dinner....oh you have your favorites but you want to try that new place down the street. So read up on some exciting things you both can learn/explore and do. There might be some hidden fantasies that you both can share to spice up your life. If you are embarassed...look all over the internet, full of information, ideas and sexual aids.
2007-07-19 17:44:00 · answer #3 · answered by frizzle1229 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try making an effort to be more romantic. Fill her bathtub with bubbles and oils. Light candles- dim the lights. Make sure the bathroom is spotless so she can relax and enjoy the romance. If you have kids higher a baby sitter or put them to bed yourself. make an effort to help her with her house work so she's not exhausted. Then give her a bath and get in the tub and talk and be romantic. She might be exhausted or emotionally exhausted. Give the relationship a boost of romance and show her you understand how exhausting her house work can be. She'll like the talk and connection nd attention and will be More open to sex for a long time after without such a giant amount of work. Men complain bout not getting sex and forget that women need romance to spark her emotions. Its a very emotional experience for women.
2007-07-19 17:27:24 · answer #4 · answered by girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dont have a direct answer to your question because you were to vague. But i can tell you why i dont like having sex with my spouse and maybe it will help you.
1. He's lazy and doesnt clean up after himself
2. He couldnt cook a meal if his life depended on it.
3. He is grouchy all the time.
4. He doesnt smile...ever!
5. He spends more money than he earns.
6. I never get flowers.
7. Very selfish and all he thinks about is himself...
I could go on for days..if this is anything like yourself...then i just answered your question.
2007-07-19 17:41:58 · answer #5 · answered by nurse_rn27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife went form a low sex drive to NO sex drive. This is a big issue that you need to talk to her (non-judgementally) about.
Sit her down and lay out that you beleive sex is a big part of a marriage and that her constant refusal is going to lead to only bad things down the road. (Cheating, Divorce)
If she seems like she doesn't care or is unwilling to discuss it you have to make two phone calls.
1st call a marriage counselor. Talk to them one on one. They will try to help you re-ignite your marriage.
If that doesn't work it is time to call a lawyer... you wife won't say it and she may not even realize it, but she would be happier with a divorce.
Good luck.
2007-07-19 17:24:52 · answer #6 · answered by Spiral Wizard 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bro: I say that she is cheating on you, so get ready. I hope that you have no children by this woman. I would have a heart to heart talk with her and even seek professional help. What I am telling you is not easy to hear, but it sounds accurate. She could also have contracted a venereal disease from another and is afraid to pass it on. Life is to be lived INTENTIONALLY, so ready yourself and remember to be prepared for anything. If she is cheating, you will need a good divorce attorney and a definite plan of action.
Get to it, tiger.
Mr. M on "anymore."
2007-07-19 17:24:39 · answer #7 · answered by Humberto M 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she's around the late 30s to 40s age, it could be perimenopausal, and her hormones could be out of whack. A gynecologist's appointment is probably a good idea.
2007-07-19 17:47:11 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because she does not think it is her responsibility to provide sex for her husband. She happens to be incorrect about that, as it is true.
Today's cultural norms set by the radical feminine leftists has taught today's wife that she can set our own rules and only has herself to answer to. Her husband is not that important. It is only what she feels like doing. Her motto is "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR. Look out for number one, who else is going to. Wives like this are very unhappy and unfulfilled and make their husbands feel the same way. These wives are very self centered. They feel the world including their husbands owes them everything and they owe the world nothing.
2007-07-19 17:30:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get the book - Mars and Venus in the Bedroom by John Gray and read it to her.
Also, you may have to tell her you didn't sign up for a sexless marriage.
2007-07-19 18:15:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she has issues with sexuality like guilt? Maybe she is depressed or perhaps shes too afraid to tell you that you aren't doing it right.
Gently bring forth the truth, stay calm even if she says she's not liking the way you do it.
2007-07-19 17:23:19 · answer #11 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋