I'm not legally separated from my husband but he's moved out and is seeing other women. Should I get a divorce

Question

I am a Christian but my husband is not a Christian. Unfortunately, my husband has anger issues, and three months ago, because of the anger issues, I gave him an ultimatum to get counseling or move out until he could make better decisions for himself and for our family. He chose to move out, did not tell me where he lives, and two weeks later, removed me from his myspace page and changed his status on myspace to "single". Last month, he told me not to contact him anymore and said he doesn't even want to be friends. I feel that he has divorced me emotionally. Biblically speaking, I feel that I have been abandoned by an unbelieving spouse. In this case, I think I have grounds to divorce him. However, I know that God can change hearts. I would like forgive him (if he ever wanted forgiveness) and reconcile if it would be possible to save our marriage. How long should I wait before I file for divorce given the circumstance? Or do you think it's just a dream that he would reconcile later on?

Answer 1

I think you should continue to follow your faith and ask god to continue to guide and protect you and your children..Ask him for the strength because going through a divorce is not a easy process...I would also ask him for the power of forgiveness because your going to need to forgive his faults and mistakes as he will continue to make plenty..At least, to feel at peace with yourself....He chose to give you up and the kids so it's time for you to put yourself and the children FIRST** That's the most important thing...He'll realize one day and when he does it will be too late to get back all the lost time he gave up..Pray on it and leave it in god's hands and continue to look forward....He'll bring great joys to you and your family***

Answer 2

You gave him the ultimatum and he chose his course. I'm guessing you never expected his choice to include just walking away from you. Well, it's said and done now. Let's start with the fact that forgivness has nothing to do with him. There is no reason for you to wait until he wants forgivness. It's about you accepting that what has happened just is and you can't live your life happily with it in the back of your mind all the time.
In a round about way I was in your situation. I waited a whole 2 weeks to file for the divorce. Once she cheated I was done. There would never be trust in our relationship again and I wouldn't live in that kind of marriage.
Side note: Divorce sucks and it is the 2nd hardest thing anyone can go through after death of a close loved one. Find yourself a support system. Use the resources from your church, your family and your friends. I also found some online groups that were very helpful.

Answer 3

He's already moved on. You should too.

Not only has he abandoned you, but there is a possibility he has slept with someone else too. I believe even God would not have a problem with someone divorcing for infidelity.

Don't wait for him to come around to start living your life the way it needs to be lived. You do it first. You live the way you want. He's not going to change and come back if you're sitting there pining for him.

File the papers and believe that you deserve better. Act accordingly. People are treated badly because they allow it. Don't allow it. Let him know he's gone. He may change down the road, but how long do you want to be miserable waiting while he's out being "single"?

Perhaps, after you have healed from your divorce, you should look for a man with similar interests and beliefs.

Answer 4

Seeing that he is abusive as you say why would you want to reconcile. I would go ahead and move forward with the divorce and if for any reason during that time frame thier is a change of hearts between you two then you can always stop the proceedings until then do what you think is best for yourself

Answer 5

If you truly wanted to save your marriage you wouldn't have gave him the ultimatum to get counseling or leave, you would have pushed for counseling and wouldn't have even considered kicking him out. Being that said, he chose to leave, and yes from what you have said, it does sound very much like that he is done with your marriage. You two are probably young, being on MySpace and all, so if I were you I wouldn't hold my breath for a reconciliation, but better to cut him out as he has done with you and move on.

Answer 6

First of all who would want him back? You obviously need to get a boost of self respect and throw him to the curb. The longer you wait now, the longer you will wait for a divorce. call the police and have them make a record that he has moved out and taken his possessions. This will help you to make sure he does not blame you for the split up and also protect the possessions he has left behind. It takes a year for abandonment so start the ball now and get over him and onto a real man.

Answer 7

If your hubby is seeing another woman, he is in the wrong. You, as a christian understand that.

It seems to me that he has moved on with his life and made it perfectly clear that he does not want you to be a part of it. Why would you want to stay with someone that would treat you this way? You deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and above all as a partner in a relationship.

You really need to pray about it. Nobody can give you the answer you are looking for except for God. He knows all and sees all. He knows where your heart is and what he wants you to do in this situation. Trust your faith and you won't be led astray.

Answer 8

I would say it is safe to start the divorce process. He has moved on emotionally! --- Just because you are Christian doesn't mean you should be stepped on. I filed for divorce against my cheating wife. She got upset, not because I filed for divorce, but because I filed for divorce on the grounds of adultery. She said "nobody does that....... no matter what!" I said, "I'm just calling it like I see it!"

He will get his! - My ex-wife left me for my former so-called best friend. We divorced, they married. She basically washed her hands of a 17 year relationship for this guy and took my little girl. They just completed a 2500 sq ft house and she thinks she is on top of the world. She loves to rub it in that she no longer needs me. He supplies her everything and laughs about it. He got fired from his job this week! Been with the company for 20 years and they showed him the door. Has a lot to do with the affair they had going. Karma! Your hubby will get his too!

Answer 9

I know a lot of strong Christians dont believe in divorce, but I would divorce him asap. It seems as if he wants nothing to do with you, why would you want to be with a man that was not in love, much less says he doesnt even like you. He has already moved on and so should you.
Sorry that this had to happen in your life.

Answer 10

It sounds to me like he has made his choice. If you don't believe in divorce, then wait for him to file.

You have to do what you think is the best thing for you and your family. He has distanced himself from you, he is being unfaithful to you, he has uncontrolled anger issues that he isn't willing to get help for....etc.....For me, the decision would be easy, but I don't live in your home.

I do believe that God can change hearts, but in order for that to happen we have to be willing to open our hearts to Him. It doesn't sound like your husband is going to do that.

I wish you the very best of luck! I know from personal experience how hard it can be to make a decision like this. Keep praying about it. God will show you what to do next....I think He may have already done that. Be willing to open your eyes and see what God has put in front of you!!!