wife not sexually attracted to me?

Question

my wife and i have been marrie dfor almost 2 years. while she was pregnant i began to be an *** and treat her bad.(nothing physical) and ways she says now that she has fallen in love with her friend and finds him both physically and sexually attractive. She told me that she doesn't find me attractive in any way at all. she says that she has been trying to get her attraction back 4 six months but nothing. she is not willing to give up the friendship because she says he was there for her when she needed him and she's not going to turn her back on him.she also says she isnt in love with me anymore.she also told me that she never wants to have sex with me anymore.should i leave or try to stick it out? she wont give up her friend. she also says that she is afraid to get close to me again because she thinks that i might hurt her again. i still love her and i have apologized 4 my stupid actions. any suggestions. should i leave, stay, cheat. any help would be nice

Answer 1

A good marriage protects the love and a bad marriage will make it die. She sought and found comfort with someone else while you were doing these things. She has lost trust with you and the outlook isn't good. You are going to have to regain her trust or the relationship is over.

You need to set down with her and find out if she wants to reconcile with you. I would suggest having some sessions with a marriage councilor. After counseling, if she wants a divorce, then give it to her. Don't just leave or cheat.

How long ago was the child born? Hormone levels after birth can also alter her feelings.

Answer 2

My situation is very similar to yours except for three things. one, I would be in her shoes. two, I don't have a friend atm that I find attractive and so on. three, their is no children.

I would say the child is the most important thing to consider here. If a separation is best for the child then so be it, but usually this is not the case.

The situation sucks a lot for you because your wife sounds like she is being honest with you about her feelings and since she is actually saying the exact same things I have said, I may know what she wants. She wants you to leave her but at the same time she doesn't want to feel quilty for the divorce. She may also want you to explore in your own heart what is best for you in the long run.

When she says that she is afraid you'll hurt her again, she probable means that she is still hurting even though the actions that hurt her have stopped. My suggestions are based upon how I feel and they may not necessary be the same for her, all people are different. It is just some ideas that you could explore while communicating with her about it.

I am not getting a divorce even though that is what I want. We just started councilling so I really can't say what kind of effect it will have.

My advice, consider the child as number one, seek counciling, and don't escalate the problem i.e. cheat or make her feel quilty.

Answer 3

While you picked possibly the worst time to be an a** to your wife... dude, she was pregnant, what the hell were you thinking?..... it sounds like she's using that as an escape. A way to justify her feelings for some other dude.

Cheating would just make you a bigger a** than you already were.

I would stay and offer to "fight" for your relationship. If she just had the baby, she might be post partum and that is leading her to a depressive state that can be devastating. Her refusing to give up her guy friend is the key though. Maybe he was there for her... which is so teenager for her to say.... but she is married and if she hasn't yet, she should give you a chance to get your head on right. For the sake of your baby. However, don't be surprised if she walks....

Answer 4

It's over. I'm sorry to tell you, but you know it's true. Some things you just can't take back and she has moved on. It probably wasn't entirely your fault. If she wanted it to work, she would've put more effort into it. She has found someone else and you have to pick yourself up and move on. She has told you flat out that she is not leaving her "friend" and so "sticking it out" will only make the pain worse. She doesn't want the relationship anymore, so save yourself the heartache. It will be difficult for a time, but you will find love again.

Answer 5

well don't cheat! That's just adding more fuel to the fire. Try to feel her out about going to couples counseling. If things end up not working out in the end, at least you two will know you opened up and tried to make things work, even if just to seperate ways on a better term. I'm also not so sure that she is telling the truth when she says she doesnt love you, she may still love you but she's got her guard up or she's trying not to love you because you hurt her. If you really want to make it work, you've got to prove to her that you're worthy of being trusted again. Good luck.

Answer 6

I believe that you should let the relationship go and move on. Although you weren't much support when she was pregnant if she loved you she would understand that in pregnancy everyone goes through their problems...yes even the father of the baby. You apologized many times and she is still not listening...let her go. Be there for the baby of course but, let her go...Oh, I would also get a blood test to make sure the baby is yours. If she had the "friend" on the side you don't know who else could be in the corner. That friend probably has been more than friends for a very long time.

Answer 7

Very serious issue here.

My recommendation is that you both attend marriage counseling. She needs to drop her friend, but he has become someone to protect her when she feels hurt by you. You have to understand why you hurt her and she has to learn how to forgive you and allow the relationship to bloom.

I would try the counseling if she is willing to go, but either way, its going to be a very tough climb to get back in her good graces. Women are funny like that. When they lose trust, its all over, so she has to learn how to trust you again.

She probably wont stay with the bf because that's a temporary thing to cover her hurt feelings. But she may not warm up to you again. Odds are about 80% no 20% yes.

The question is how bad do you want to be there and have her back. Don't pack your bags until its over.

Answer 8

after reading your post/question i only had one thing on my mind....drop everything and get out of that marriage...if she is that in to her friend chances are she's already explored the new turf...sorry to say it bud but if you pushed her away by being that way then you have chopped your own head off....might as well come to terms with your actions and her feelings...if you truely love her then let her go...she's not happy...yea it sucks...but you will learn and grow from this...

Good Luck and remember next time don't be an a**...most women don't like that much...especially when there preg...

Answer 9

well i wonder why you treated your pregnant wife who carried your child badly. you obviously pusher her away and she found comfort with her friend. you say nothing about what you have done, besides apologizing, (and sometimes words are cheap) to get her affections back. she is afraid to open up to you again because she does not trust you emotionally. the only thing you can do at this point is ask her before your marriage ends can you two try to make it work. and not with her friend in the pictire. for the sake of your child, give it an honest to goodness shot at it. if she says no, not much you can do. if she says yes, then wisk her and you into counseling as quickly as you can, AND START TREATING YOUR WIFE WITH COMPASSION AND RESPECT!!!!

Answer 10

are her feelings expressed when she's mad and yelling them at you or is she calm and telling you how she feels? If she's calm then she knows what she's saying and it's time for you to both move on. Have you asked her if she would be happier if you left? Ask her what she wants you to do. You may only be able to get the right answer from her.