Do Divorced Parents Find more Joy in Life?

Question

I have some friends who are divorced moms. Man, they live it UP on the weekends when their kids are with the dads. They go sailing with boyfriends, or to the local club...man, it is like "Mom's Weekend Out" only without the babysitting fee. On top of it all they get lots of child support.

I am married and I NEVER get a weekend all alone EVER. Because of my husband's job, we live thousands of miles from any family. I am a little jealous of my divorced friends.

Divorce looks good just to have some time alone at this point. But, being the child of divorced parents, I know it was very hard for me to cope with their divorce, even though I pretended everything was fine.

Do divorced parents find more joy in life than their married counterparts?

Answer 1

there are pros and cons to everything. your life is filled with kids ( i assume) and a husband. eventually that will change. believe me, those divorce people at some point will want to have a steady at the least. and, their kids are haveing to deal with the divorce too. don't look too shallowly at divorcee's. if you want to get away, then book a weekend to california on the beach for some R&R and sit on the beach and read a book and people watch and eat some good sea food and sleep in late and watch TV late or go out to a bar by yourself if you dare and have a drink, or go shopping and grab a coffee and whatever!!! i'm married with kids too and my family lives 2000 miles away. if you don't make your occasionaly weekend away, than no one will. you will find yourself so much more satisfied once you learn to take care of yourself after so much time of taking care of your family. nothing wrong witn you have a girls weekend or just a weekend to yourself. try it! i dare ya!

Answer 2

First...what is your priority? Husband and family or partying? Being married and having a family is a blessing and we have a lot of fun. Some women never get that opportunity. No the grass is not greener on the other side. Sure you get time alone, party, meet men etc, which I'm sure is fun, but then who do you come home to?
Sounds like you and your husband really need to sit down and talk. Tell him your thoughts and feelings. That what husbands and wives are suppose to do. :) Sounds like you are overwhelmed. I've been there. Stick it out. Being a mother and wife is not an easy job, but very well worth the sacrifices.

Answer 3

I don't think they find MORE joy than us married women, but I do think they find a DIFFERENT kind of joy for us married women.

Yeah, it would be nice to have weekends off from the kids and be able to do whatever we want, whenever we want....but I (for one) enjoy spending time with my children on the weekends. That is family time since I work Monday through Friday. I couldn't imagine going weekends without the ones I really want to be with.

As for the money....sure, it would be nice to have a couple hundred extra bucks a month...but your hubby probably makes more than that, so by the time you take his salary away from your total monthly income, that couple extra hundred still leaves you well below what you have as a married couple.

I think that single women find joy in the hunt for a new mate.

I am sure that there are divorced women out there who are envious of us married women. After all, we have a hubby who loves us unconditionally. We don't go home to empty beds at night and wake up alone in the mornings.

I think that no matter what your circumstances are, you have to find some kind of joy in the hand you've been dealt. If not, life isn't really worth living.

Answer 4

Nope. If you partied before you married, you party after you get a divorce. My mom went to the club probably 10 times her whole life. 8 times with my father during the beginning of her marriage, once for my aunt's birthday party and once when her divorce was finalized. So me, she seems more grouchy. Don't trust a man enough to relax and have some real fun. Hard on us growing up.

But keep in mind, just because their ex's pay their child support don't mean all divorced counterparts get theirs. My dad used to skip payments, then he decided on his own to lower what he was going to have sent to my mom. He tried to screw up my mom's chances of getting public assistance and ended up having the government take the money out of his check. Then he quit that job, and he would send the money when he wanted.

So the answer to your question is no. If you don't have fun while you are married, then you might stand chance of being miserable when you are divorced.

Answer 5

"Divorce looks good just to have some time alone."

Are you kidding me? Do you not love your spouse? Do you not care about the committment you made?

In some cases, yes divorce is a good thing. But typically only when abuse, adultery, or addictions are involved. And even then it is still painful. For everyone else, your friends included I'm sure, it is a long, painful, miserable experience.

If you're seriously considering divorce just to have some time alone, you are goign about it for ALL the wrong reasons.

Answer 6

When my husband and I first divorced I had a great time Bar hopping, men on weekends, time to my self. Than several months later I realized I lost something. My self-respect. My kids knew what I was doing, believe me they hear everything. My daughter refereed to me as her slut mother and my son said when I run out of boyfriends did I want him to start bringing home his friends. That's when I knew being single was not so good. I never made long term plans, I never knew who was going to be "my Man" and you just keep reliving the last date over and over. My parents stayed together and our life growing up was miserable. You need to look at your life and decide what is going to make you happy. Being with a different man every night or the comfort of being with the one who knows your vulnerable spot what makes you cry what makes you laugh. You need to have some goals. I wish I pursued my education. I wish I had the respect of my children and friends. Yes friends. Some where never allowed to talk or invite me over. My kids weren't allowed to play with other kids because those parents thought I was a bad influence at any time something bad was going to happen because people like me attracts destruction. Please talk to your husband. Kids to bed open a bottle of wine and tell him how you feel. If he dismisses your feelings than that;s when you need to rethink your role as wife. NEVER mother. I recommend you find your passion and go for it
Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Definitely! My husband has an ex and it's nice because when we get the kids she gets a break, not to mention all of our money- but that's another story in itself. When she has the kids we're free to go out and party and do fun things together. Neither of us (my husband and I or his ex) ever has to pay for a babysitter.
Also, kids can be nerve racking sometimes, as I'm sure you know, and by the time we (or their mother) are ready to pull our hair out and scream...it's time to go to the other parent's house.
This may sound bad or selfish, don't get me wrong the three of us parents love the kids with our whole heart but it is kind of nice to be a part time parent and it makes me wonder if I really do want to have any of my own because then I wouldn't have this luxury.

Answer 8

I would hope that the main reason for anyone to divorce would be because their marriage has failed. Not because they would like a few fun nights out every other weekend.

Ask your husband for a date night for just the two of you. Remind him of how good it was and the fun you two had when you were dating and getting to know each other. You can get babysitters who will stay overnight if need be.

Definitely a case of the grass is greener. Except your marriage hasn't failed yet. Is a major life failure something that you could frivolously accept in the pursuit of free time?

Good luck with your decisions.

Answer 9

No I don't think they neccesarrily get more joy in life. It looks like the ones that you know have taken to it pretty well. Are there any teenage kids in your area that could maybe babysit while you got out for a bit? Maybe on of your friends could babysit for you while you got out. It seems like you need a little me time and it is very important to have. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 10

They have their moments of course but most end up the only adult around their kids because the other side acts like a little boy