There are children that are involved in this marriage and that is that tricky part of things. I have talked with her to discuss the issues that are there and she keeps saying that there are a lot of them but the only one that keeps coming up are the fianacial issues. I have gotten to the point that I stated that I would not contest a divorce at this time. I have even stated that I would take the kids to easy her stress that she feels at this point until she is settled. She continues to remain in the same house with me stating that the issues that are bothering her are her own issues. I know that I can not work out her issues but I want to be as supportive as possible for her. I have suggested counseling toher but she is not with that. I don't want to make it look like I am the only stating counseling. She brought it up to me a few months back and I said"NO". now we are at that breaking point. I want to stay but I can't deal withthe on and off of loving me.
2007-07-19 09:01:55 · 23 answers · asked by Ryan m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the other person needs time and space to learn there own lessons. And even tho we love them, it just is not enough to keep them with us. Let her go. Just work on yourself. Be happy, that will blow her mind.
2007-07-26 18:00:54 · answer #1 · answered by booper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It you want to make it work. And she is to the point that she thinks there is no way to fix it. You make the first step. Go get a financial planner to help you get rid of your debt if that is a problem. Sit her down, and tell her that you want to help her threw whatever her issues are, even if when its all said and done, she can still have her divorce, if that is what she still wants. Remind her that you love her, and you don't want to be without her. Maybe she is starting to forget that, within all the stress. She sounds depressed. And when you are depressed you feel like its the end of the world and you cant do anything to stop. You feel completely out of control.
Maybe you need to hire a baby sitter and re-live your dating days. Do a mock date of when you met, or your first date. Remind her why she fell in love with you.
Stop talking about devorce and start talking about bringing your family back togather.
You said, for better and worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health.
Now lets see if the two of you can make it work.
( I dont believe it cannot be fixed unless someone has cheated.)
2007-07-19 16:14:30 · answer #2 · answered by OnyX S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I commend you so much for trying to save your marriage and not taking the easy way out. sounds like you've done a lot of the stuff I would have told you to do. I have no doubt that most of the problems are her own problems within herself. She's probably not happy with herself anymore and all that or who knows. Try showing her how much you love her again. Treat your marriage like it's just the beginning of you two dating again. Bring her flowers, whisk her away for a getaway weekend, make her breakfast in bed, cook her dinner, get a babysitter for the kids and stay at home and make homemade pizza and watch a movie. she may be reluctant at first by some of the things but if your persistant she might come around and surprise herself by doing new things and enjoying spending time with you again. I know it sounds silly but when a women is having problems usually it's with self esteem and exhaustion and if you can help with those things by letting her know how beautiful she is and how great she is than she might be more willing to work on things as well. I hope it all works out and good luck
2007-07-19 16:09:37 · answer #3 · answered by blessed mommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason why you can't do counseling yourself, with the children. This will help you to decide what you are feeling, and how much you want to put into the relationship. Once she sees you working out your issues she might feel compelled to follow and join counseling with you and the children. Make sure the children know that they are not the cause of these problems. If you can't work it out just be supportive that is all you can really do until she gets control of herself.
2007-07-27 09:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention any age? It believe she is just immature, or acting like she is 18-19-20-21 ... From your point of you I can also say that she just thinks about herself, doesn't care about the children, how many do you guys have? Do you think she is still attracted by you? I can;t really tell you what to do, because I don't know her issues, maybe is just a phase, you need to talk to her, and let her know you are there for her, we woman love to know/ feel that. I think you guys can talk this out ... just give it a try, and put your everything in it, it could save your marriage.
Is she happy with you? Do you make her feel loved? What is the exact reason ....?
2007-07-19 16:13:36 · answer #5 · answered by *~*Diana*~* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you want to stay together, but you can not deal with the on and off of her loving you. You're the one who must decide which one is more important to you. If you decide to stay, you two need to get into counseling and while in counseling make sure you are honest and open or it won't do any good for either of you. With children involved I suggest the counseling.
2007-07-19 16:09:56 · answer #6 · answered by pattimaris1675@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are the only one trying. if she was really serious about the relaionship she would be willing to try all means necesary to resolve the issues and divorce should be the last straw. it sounds as if she is unhappy but unwilling to get out there and make the choses she needs to. she might be scared to go talkk to someone for fear of how she will go on financially where and how she will live without the help of another persons inome. you know things of that nature. she osunds as if she is sponging off of you. i have a little difficulty explaining things , i myself am coming upon my 4 year anniversry and without the help and sacrafices we have made for each other we could not have made it this far. it takes two to make it work and if you re the nly one trying then you sre just spinning your wheels so if you have done all you can then you take the necessary steps to make yor life easier and happier life is to short and from my opinion she sounds very immaturefor marrige.
2007-07-19 16:16:35 · answer #7 · answered by new user 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember, Marriage is FOREVER, so you should try your best to work this out, especially if you have children. They'll be the ones who get hurt the most if you get a divorce. Please have a serious talk with her and go to counseling together for the children's sake. There is a possibility of her cheating on you, so you should ask and you should be ready to forgive her if she confesses and you want to start fresh.
2007-07-19 16:16:04 · answer #8 · answered by BeachGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't want to go through counseling, well its not going to work. It does seem like she has issues (from what you have told us). I don't also think that she would be a fit mother to her kids since she is ready to just bail on the family.
You do however would want to make things firm. Basically draw the line so she is not wishy washy with you and your kids.
Good luck on that!
2007-07-19 16:10:58 · answer #9 · answered by Cerealkiller 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maby you need a time out together? a chance to work together away from it all..restart as a team..a great way to do this would be camping..where you have to put the tent up together, find firewood together or not together but find a rythem together in setting up camp..teamwork, this could respark a sence of security with eachother and trust in your rythem together..it would be a good way to visit while making smores. it would be best to go without the kids. and maby a romantic surprize while you are there, something that is a special memory a reminder of when you got together or a comical memory to keep things open happily open.
2007-07-19 16:21:19 · answer #10 · answered by cherithorns 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋