I just got engaged and my Fiance is talking about a prenup and having separate accounts after we marry. Neither of us have any money, but he's pretty adamant about getting one.
I don't want one at all. I feel like getting married is about planning to spend our lives together forever, not planning about an eventual divorce. I trust him completely, but I don't feel like he trusts me.
Should this be a deal breaker? Am I being unreasonable?
2007-07-19 08:33:25 · 15 answers · asked by Ryn Cat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think the whole prenup is too much, especially if neither of you have much. What's the point? Everything you attain during the marriage is community property! If you love him, sign the darn thing...and if you split up, you don't get any of his "nothing". No loss.
But I encourage my wife to have her own accounts...not for an eventual divorce, but because tomorrow isn't guaranteed and she needs to know how to handle finances in case something happens to me. It's a matter of empowerment, and I wouldn't want to leave her unable to take care of herself.
2007-07-19 08:41:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it looks like your new fiance is a "glass half empty" man and you're a "glass half full" woman. take time to write down the pros and cons to both sides - being going for the prenup and not signing the prenup. the way i see it, you two don't have money, so maybe it's his assets that he wants to protect down the road if something were to separate the two of you. i wouldn't say that he doesn't trust you as much as i would have to say that i think the two of you need to sit down and talk this over. i recently got married and we had both agreed on NO prenup. he's the one in the military, bread-winner and has a HELL of a lot more things/assets/$ than i do. we also have twins due in 4 months. we plan on staying together and don't believe in divorce. on the other hand, my husband's "second father"/family friend just had an epiphany after 33 years of marriage and decided that he and his wife have nothing in common. while no divorce has yet been talked about, he IS living at a different residence and is now quite separate from his not yet ex wife....just two different things to consider, to weigh out....hope that this helps....if you have any more questions or whatever, email me at amymrgrt@yahoo.com....
2007-07-19 09:49:41 · answer #2 · answered by amymrgrt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do people continue to think that love and money should be intertwined?
Listen, if a person knows his/her spouse to be is financially irresponsible, it is only the smart thing to do, keeping that person away from the money. Like keeping an alcoholic away from booze. Otherwise, you'll both be broke, and that puts immense strain on a relationship.
It's not about trust, it is about doing what makes sense.
As for the prenup.. nobody wants to think that a relationship will fall apart, but they do. Statistics tell you that your odds are about 50/50. You blame him for not trusting you, but if the relationship does fail, why should any person get more money then they really earned? If you want fairness, negotiate better terms for the prenup.
I think both of you have your heels dug in over this one, sounds very contentious, and you are not even married yet.
So you tell me, why he is planning for "an eventual divorce"?
2007-07-19 08:45:39 · answer #3 · answered by dpilipis 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok well I see both sides. I am a woman and have made a considerable name for myself for my age so yeah I would insist on one because if I marry that boy was certainly not around when I ate Top Ramen so I could pay my mortgage.
I agree TREMENDOUSLY with seperate accounts, seriously it will be better for YOU. Men just hit the ATM like the toilet and never tell you....let him deal with his bank account, you keep yours in check.
If he does insist on the prenup make sure it is null and void if:
He cheats or INTENDS to cheat (this might be a really good one if you can prove with online chat)
He invests without consulting you (any time of venture, be specific)
After a certain amount of time (10 years?)
I am sorry but marriage IS a contract however calloused that may seem, and you have to protect yourself on the backend.
2007-07-19 08:40:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your feelings. I have been divorced twice but never "planned" to be. If you feel you will be married forever, what is the harm in the prenuptial? If something happens and a divorce does come your way, it would be nice to be protected. Don't just sign the one he wants. See a lawyer and think about what you both may have in the future, money, cars, real estate, children. Plan for the worst but always hope for the best!!!
2007-07-19 08:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by mark019 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think pre-nups are a smart thing, IF you actually have something (excessive money, property, a business, etc) before you marry. If you have nothing before you marry, then what would a pre-nup protect? Because in that case, anything earned during the marriage would be martial funds.
As far as separate bank accounts…it works for some people just fine, but I personally wouldn’t like it at all.
If you sign a pre-nup, make darn sure you have YOUR attorney look it over first.
2007-07-19 09:06:44 · answer #6 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can only be a deal breaker if YOU want it to be. How much do you love/want to marry this guy? Enough to sign a prenup?
2007-07-19 09:44:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife made me promise her forever, and less than 1.5 years in she left me and took half of my new business, my truck and my condo. I can understand why he wants one. If your planning to spend the rest of your life with him, why does it matter if you sign a prenumt? If your together, whats his is yours and vice versa, this is just to protect him and you from the future, sometimes people change and they cant be together anymore. I struggle just to get by now because of what happened. I think you should sign it and concentrate on making your marriage work, not weather or not he has money in the bank. I hope this helps you make your decision. Good Luck!
2007-07-19 08:42:29 · answer #8 · answered by atom.lile 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I this day and age a man would have to be a fool not to get a prenup
2007-07-19 08:44:05 · answer #9 · answered by merlin m 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Deal breaker for me
2007-07-19 08:47:58 · answer #10 · answered by skcs11 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋