Me and our two sons live @ home with my parents and he has his own apartment and there is a women that he known for a while and they just started talking and hanging out together alot latley and i know they have kissed and madeout but he says they have never had sex. but i dont really believe that. I get really upset when i see her car over @ his apartment or when there texting on the phone. he tells me i have nothing to worrie about and we have talked about getting a place together. But i don' t know what to think about the whole thing since we are " seperated"
2007-07-19 08:15:59 · 79 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
doesn't sound good. you know the answer
2007-07-19 08:18:34 · answer #1 · answered by igottadrive2001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are having a "trial separation", it is an experiment in single life. Even if the 2 of you get back together, you will have to treat the new relationship as that "new". You will need to practice safe sex and follow thru with STD tests. He probably won't tell you if he is having sex. Most likely he doesn't want to know if you are either.
It sounds like you are counting on a reconciliation, if so you best put on the charm and start winning him back. He loved you 1st, so put on your dancing shoes and shake it babe.
If you're unsure about it then use this "timeout" to find what single life has to offer you. Trial separations are best used to the woman's advantage by deciding what you want his role to be in a divorce. Use it to make boundaries for the kids, money, time and communication.
Don't let "her" presence get to you. When you agreed to separate, you sent the "it's over" message even if you didn't say it. The more you protest the more he will pull away.
So keep your chin up and take the higher road. It will help your self-esteem and go enjoy yourself also an esteem builder.
Keep in mind very few are lucky enough to find Mr. Right.
2007-07-19 08:54:09 · answer #2 · answered by R M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, don't wait around on him while he's getting involved with another woman. If he hasn't had sex with her yet thats what he's leading to and he knows your sitting there putting up with it and waiting on getting a place together. Don't let him walk all over you. You have your kids and yourself to think about. You're letting him get a way with this now and even if you get back together he'll do it again because you let him and he's not commited to just you, he's proved that. This happened to me and it took him doing it 3 times before I divorced him and since then he's married 5 times. You deserve so much more than this and so does your kids. Good luck to you. Hold your head up and move on. He's not the only man out there, believe me.
2007-07-27 07:48:41 · answer #3 · answered by good ole girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry. This has been the case with many women. It requires a lot of mental courage not to yield to temptations. Men must realize their mistakes and try to avoid situations which may lead them to do wrong things.
One method is to become friendly with that lady and that would surely pinch her heart when she tries to rope him in, if there is any intention on her part.
You two together can try bring back sense into your husband's nut.
You say you are legally separated. That is actually the problem. Any way good will still works out well.
2007-07-27 06:50:24 · answer #4 · answered by Dr.M.D.Jayabalan M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's cheating pure and simple. You don't make out with somebody unelss you have the intention of having sex with them sometime - when you already have the privacy and the freedom to do it too.
Cut this guy loose. He not only cheats but he lies. I know it's hard and this is a tragedy at the moment but it is reality and you don't gain by ignoring it.
Discreetly see a divorce lawyer and get your advice now. Then proceed and try to simply get through this the best you can. It helps that you are living with your parents. They can give you moral support during this awful time.
2007-07-26 07:28:25 · answer #5 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage and love are something you both decided on in a time when you were both interested in what the other of you thought,felt,and needed from each other...at the time. your loyalties were a very important part of the trust you had in each other. Being separated means you both decided those rules don't matter any more,and what each of you does while you're on you're own,,doesn't mean anything now. If you don't like the arrangement...talk to him about it,and see if you can't salvage the relationship...or let it go and drop the subject. Lust doesn't last more than 2 years in any relationshhip anyhow...what's left after that is either real
love,or it was just lust afterall.then you go one your own.
2007-07-19 08:31:26 · answer #6 · answered by Gail G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey....Your seperated and you should move on.
I dont beleive in seperation I think that if you come to a conclusion that seperation is needed than you no longer want to be with that person. Most people who seperate end up in divorce.... Sounds like he moved on and wanted seperation to try the waters with this other person. Why would you want him back? Your children deserve to see you happy too. Dont let them think that this is the way a marriage is suppose to be..
MOve on be happy and forget seperation its only an excuse to get a break from marriage and if need that you shouldnt be married in the first place.....
2007-07-19 08:26:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummmmmmmmm hello your seperated. Honey that little word right there "seperated" has given him alot of power. The power to cheat, the power to lie about it and the power to bring some funky disease home to you. Obviously something was wrong in the marriage or you wouldnt have seperated. He has gotten a taste of freedom honey I hate to tell you, but If he does come back he wont be coming back 100% yours. Im sorry but I cant sugar coat this for you. You might as well draw up divorce papers.
2007-07-27 06:59:34 · answer #8 · answered by Dr Honesty 77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um you should have set the rules of separation before you two split up. In reality you both have the right to date since you are separated. But since you don't want to date and don't want him to do so either then he is cheating even if it's not a sexual relationship. I bet he is lying about that anyway. If you really love the guy you need to end the separation now and let him know whats what. Or precede with the divorce.
2007-07-19 08:21:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being separated should be an opportunity for both of you to do some self reflecting and see what you need to work on within yourself. For him to be with another woman AT ALL is not any help. It is ridiculous. It does not sound like he really cares about the relationship you two have. It looks like a divorce or serious counseling needs to happen
2007-07-27 07:59:18 · answer #10 · answered by hawk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure what State you are in. so, I am not sure about what types of Laws you have to go by. but where I am, it does not matter if you are separated or not, you are still legally married. so he, would be breaking the Law.
anyone cannot use the word, separation to go out and do as they please, and after words go back to the marriage. you can take action against something like this. but as I said, about the state laws. check your state laws and see if your state has a law to protect you against things like this.
and if so, find out what type of action they will permit you to
take. if the law, says you need to have proof of such an act. get your camera, and take some pictures, of the kissing and so forth. not pictures of them just being together, that is not proof, but pictures of their sexual actions. and it would not hurt to have a few witnesses view this situation. I do not mean from the pictures you have took, but to see this in person.
If your state does not support this law, there still should be something you can do. because until you are divorced, you are still legally married. as I see it, you should still have some kind of control of some type, by the law.
it would be best to investigate your state laws, you may find something interesting.
I want you to know, it does not matter to me why or what happen to cause both of you to part. but what I see is, what he is doing now is wrong.
I know something like this can be, a real pain. so I feel for you, I have been there also. so take care,
I hope you the best of luck
2007-07-26 20:17:23 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋