I’m a 29 yr old mom of 2 boys a 12yr old and a 4yr old w/autism. I have a good job and I own my home. I have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years (he lives with me) over the 3 years he has proven to be very laid back/not responsible, he also lets his exwife and kids step all over him and disrespect me, he has a bunch of debt/legal drama (I bailed him out once) he has no ambition/he isn’t a go-getter, he does help me financially but what I love about him is that he has a big heart and loves my kids as if they were his own. The problem is that my exhusband/father of my boys wants to get back with me he has been wanting to since we split, he has a good job, responsible/hard working/go-getter but after he cheated on me(which he so regrets) I don’t love him the same I care for him and I forgive him. I would love to have our family back together like before both our families get along great and they want us back together. Im not sure what to do.
2007-07-19 07:20:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
why should it be one or the other? if you're happy with your boyfriend (even though he seems to have a lot of faults) stay with him. If you're not happy with him, break up with him. That doesn't mean you have to get back with your boys' father unless you love him and want to. Women do not have to have a man in their life to be whole. Maybe if you gave yourself some "alone time," you might find a man with a big heart like your boyfriend that is also responsible like your ex-husband.
OH, but don't bail the boyfriend out of trouble anymore. At least make him be responsible for himself if he can't be responsible for those he "loves."
Good Luck
2007-07-19 07:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by Ya Ya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine that bouncing from man to man can be good for your children! Maybe you should consider being alone for a while so you can figure out what you want.
These men sound like they couldn't be more opposite. Personally, I would rather be with a man who was motivated, responsible, and willing to go after what he wants, but the cheating thing is a biggy!! The type of personality that you describe your boyfriend as having is a huge turn off for me! But, this is your call!
Do you think you can trust your ex-husband not to cheat on you again?? Do you think you can truly forgive him and move past it? If not, don't remarry him. Your children will be devestated if the two of you go through another divorce!! You said in your question that you were not in love with your ex anymore! You should really think about that! You should NEVER commit your life to someone that you aren't in love with - it is only setting yourself up for failure!
I recommend that you take some time to be by yourself. Get to know who you are without a man in your life, and you will be able to better determine what kind of man you want. There is no rush, and it doesn't sound like you "need" a man, so slow down.
Good luck to you!
2007-07-19 07:34:38 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
83% of people who are divorced that get back together fail. After a while you remember why you left them in the first place. Finances and what every other family member thinks is not a reason to get back with your ex. If you can not get passed him cheating then forget it. As far as this new guy. He is going no where in life and sounds as if he is another kid you need to take care of.
My advise, move on from both. You can not make a good decesion from 2 bad choices. Better to be alone then in a bad relationship. Your kids don't need the drama.
You need to love and respect yourself first before someone elese will love and respect you.
2007-07-19 07:29:21 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide if you love him enough to get back together. If you don't think you are going to feel the same way about him, I don't see the point. It lloks like your current flame has a lot of issues that need to be addressed though. You should not allow the exwife to disrespect you. I would definitely re evaluate the relationship.
2007-07-19 07:49:49 · answer #4 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already answered your own question...you are living with a bum...admit it..what is so hard about that? (that you chose to live with a bum? you need to explain nothing here or anywhere else.) It would seem to me that a husband who is responsible, earns a good living and IS THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN has done nothing that bad...so he stepped out on you..big deal..deal with it and get along in life. Worse thing can happen, as you have already found out. YOU do not respect the man you are living with, nor are you going to...EVER! Get your butt out of that place and back home...you have had enough of this stupid vacation, and you know it.
2007-07-19 07:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to kick boyfriend out or get married. He does not need to "live" with you, sets bad example to children. But that is what he wants; you have a good job, he has a place to live, no responsibilities, food, and sex,,, on the other hand, can you love your ex again ? for the rest of your life ? will he cheat again ? will you be happy ? next time get married before moving in or let a guy move in.
2007-07-19 07:33:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have an Ex husband you don't love the same and a Boyfriend who relies on you ... Hmmm .. Tell YOUR Boyfriend to step up to the plate, your not playing alone. He needs to be more considerate of you. You doing everything by yourself. He needs to stand up and be the man you see him as. No more clowning around. IF Not Girl, you would be better off living alone, you are already. But Good Luck
2007-07-19 07:29:45 · answer #7 · answered by Charley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to ask yourself do you want this marriage to work and if you still love your husband. Marriage is a serious matter you cant go jumping from one relationship to another out of convience. If your boyfriend is no good get rid of him.
You have to serious think about your marrage and how this affects your children. I think you need some time alone without husband and boyfriend and get your self together before you make any long term commitments.
2007-07-19 07:27:40 · answer #8 · answered by beliz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the boyfriend, as much as he may care for your kids, isn't a good influence on them. Would your ex be better? Put aside your own wants for a moment...what would be best for the kids?
From personal experience, a child with autism needs structure. Would getting back with your ex and living as a family provide that?
Think of your kids, first and foremost, before you decide.
2007-07-19 07:39:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're no longer previous formed. That habit is thoroughly unacceptable... your father sounds like he won't do something, no rely how lots you communicate with him. So possibly chatting alongside with your sister is a extra suited deal? i understand that kinda sounds loopy, yet possibly she is finding for a nearer sister-sister dating... 15 is a frustrating age and boys are interesting at that factor, yet she could somewhat no longer be having boys over (particularly 19 year previous bf) over for soo long. possibly if that's a friday or saturday night, yet easily no longer on college days. She desires to appreciate no longer in straightforward terms herself yet in addition a while... it variety of feels which you are the single that desires to take some initiative... communicate on your sister and make some floor regulations ( in simple terms be careful for her to no longer 'riot')...Goodluck!
2016-12-10 16:52:49 · answer #10 · answered by evert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋