I have been seeing my girlfriend for since last year. She is originally from outside the United States on a student visa. I was planning on asking her to marry me this fall.We are soulmates. Unfortunately her visa is expiring and it is not going to be renewed. We met with 3 attorneys and they all recommended we get a marriage license. We are both family oriented and always wanted a wedding in a church. Her family cannot come for another 6 months. We decided to go get a license in city hall and look at it as a way to make sure we can have the wedding of our dreams. We both feel bad about doing it this way but are excited we found each other. She is heartbroken that her parents cant be the so we agreed to have only the 2 of us and have a ceremony in a church with both our families. If my parents were there and hers weren't she said it would break her heart. My parents understood at first but now want to come. This would make her feel tremendous guilt. Should I respect the way she feels?
2007-07-19 06:38:10 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I also wanted to clarify - I meant to say we would have the two of us at City Hall to get the legality of it out of the way and then when her parents came we would have the ceremony in the church later so everyone can be there.
2007-07-20 12:40:58 · update #1
"should I respect the way she feels" is a red flag question before you're married...
boy oh boy, you had better!
Learn something here. ALWAYS RESPECT THE WAY SHE FEELS.
Now, on to your question, humph.
Tell your parents that the court wedding is for legal purposes only, and that no one else is to come, that the real wedding will be at another time. And then live that way. Live as if you are not married until you can do it the way that you both want to. Don't give her the wedding ring, but give her a promise ring for the real wedding date. The court wedding is simply a legality.
See if she likes that idea. I think she will.
oh yeah, one more thing. TEACH your parents to respect the way she feels too. If your parents don't want to respect the ways she feels, nor you, I'd say that this woman is in for a bad marriage. Remember that.
2007-07-19 06:49:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, just get married in a ceremony at the courthouse and keep it quiet! Plan a real wedding for when her parents can be there. I had a couple friends that did that. They got legally married, but then had a wedding ceremony later. Others I knew just had a big reception-like party a few months later. You have to do what you have to do thanks to immigration. I can sympathize, my husbands from another country. Talk to your parents about doing a ceremony or a party at a later date.
2007-07-19 06:46:17 · answer #2 · answered by Unknown.... 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A unique situation calls for a unique solution.
Run off to Vegas this weekend (yes get spontaneous) and get hitched in a wacky and fun way. Enjoy the honeymoon suite and remember that she's now the most important person in your life. Tell NO one until you get back.
Then come back and tell the parents that your love is strong enough to renew your vows in 6 months with a big family wedding.
2007-07-19 08:44:16 · answer #3 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a big deal. Go to the court with 2 witnesses and then when her family can come do the ceremony. I did it. The second- church wedding was more then a year after the first one. And everybody was happy. P.S. I also needed to wait for my parents for the big ceremony
2007-07-19 06:53:36 · answer #4 · answered by saldalia 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you respect her feelings. The marriage is really about the two of you. Make it a private thing for just the two of you, and then have the elaborate affair that you want once both families can be there. Your family might initially get their feelings hurt, but explain it to them as if they were in the same situation as hers, and that you just want to be fair to everyone. They should ultimately understand.
2007-07-19 06:56:27 · answer #5 · answered by CuitePie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe there was a difference. When you are in Boot Camp there's nothing you can do but that night you had the chance to get intimate but turned him down. This might have annoyed him. Maybe he resents you for letting your sister stay and he doesn't want to confront you about it the same way you don't want to confront him? You say he should wait for you because he loves you. Using that logic, you should be able to get intimate because you love him even though you're tired but you didn't.
2016-05-17 11:10:10 · answer #6 · answered by karma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get married now with just you and her and the justice of the peace. Why do you need to waste money on a big wedding later? You won't be any more married with a big wasteful wedding. Tell your parents its her day and she doesn't want them there. Please respect your wife or you will live to regret it. Women never forget.
2007-07-19 07:25:57 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok ... this is way too simple. Why don't you marry her in her country?
Hmmmm .... visa expiring and need to get married .... sounds just a little fishy to me. Oh yeah ... and the rest of the family will end up in the country here also. Can you say marriage of convenience?
2007-07-19 07:01:16 · answer #8 · answered by steveheremd 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the deal was for it to be just the two of you, keep it this way. Tell your parents they will be invited to the formal ceremony later, and keep the city hall elopement simple. Your parents will have to be patient.
2007-07-19 07:07:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is being unreasonable, period. If she is so set on having her parents at her wedding, I suggest you stop everything right now, step back and take a serious look at what is going on. Personally, I don't get the feeling this is a relationship made in heaven. She has NO practicality about her, lives in a dream world. Personally, I don't think I could live with someone who is impractical, insistant, and controlling as this woman sounds. She may have had her heart set on one thing, but reality rears its head in life, and this is one of those moments. Good luck.
2007-07-19 06:49:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋