After affair. My husband would be singing along with the radio to love songs (really pitiful ones) It upset me because I didn't know if he was singing about us or them. I confronted him and asked him if he sang all songs or only ones he felt a connection to. (I only sing the ones I feel strongly about but I didn't want to assume.) He admitted he felt the way I did about music. I said I refused to listen to him sing the music. He later came clean and said I was right to be upset. Turns out he had a CD of music they had created together. He broke it and burned the playlist. (I saw him do it) But, now I wonder how many of my favorite love songs are tainted. Clearly I don't want to play music for him that "they" chose. Should I just ask him?
2007-07-19 06:30:39 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, he's with you, so he made his choice. I was in a similar past situation, involving waaaaay more than one mix CD. I broke all the CD's but I can't avoid hearing some of the songs. It still hurts to listen to some of them, but just b/c I sing along, doesn't mean I'm thinking of good memories w/ this past guy. I think you just need to forgive him, and trust him. If my husband refused to listen to any song that might hold a memory w/ this other guy, it would literally exclude entire genres and pretty much any love ballad from the '80s. I don't listen to them on purpose, for that reason, but I'm getting better about associating *new* memories w/ them.
You could ask him if any songs, in *his* opinion, put him in a bad emotional place. Let him tell you...there prolly won't be many...and just stay away from those songs when you can.
2007-07-19 06:53:27 · answer #1 · answered by Dj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If even things like music still bother you, do you ever think you will really trust him again?
There's not to much more in a relationship more important then trust and cheating is the ultimate betrayal of that trust.
Years from now, will you still be remembering that he cheated?
Not only did he have sex with another woman, he had an entire relationship with another woman. I could maybe, possibly, forgive my husband if we had been in a serious argument and he'd been drinking and had sex with a particularly pushy woman. I could never forgive him for having an entire relationship behind my back. Cut him free. You'll be better off in the long run. It's going to end anyway, either years from now when you're finally too bitter to put up with it anymore, or now when you realize you should save yourself the trouble.
If he's still feeling the cheating relationship whenever the songs play, he's still not being faithful to you and not sorry about the relationship. He's only sorry you found out.
2007-07-19 06:38:13 · answer #2 · answered by Unknown.... 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand you are hurting due to the affair. But, it seems as though you have made the conscious decision to move forward with your marriage in spite of it. I also assume you are attending some sort of couselling to help put the emotions back to gether. I would try and keep the drama to the lowest point possible to help the process along. As long as your husband is being as repentant as you would like him to be I would not get too hung p on music. There are bigger hurdles to overcome here.
2007-07-19 06:36:12 · answer #3 · answered by Devdude 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some more than others, yes. I haven't been able to listen to the Dire Straits album, 'Brothers in Arms' for many a year, because of the memories of that time in my life.
2016-05-17 11:07:44 · answer #4 · answered by meridith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a choice to make. Accept the affair by your husband and put it behind you, or let every little suspicion drive you crazy. Believe me, you are hitting yourself on the head with a hammer and once you stop, you'll truly wonder why you did it in the first place. You haven't felt freedom like you will feel if you let this go. I speak from experience. Good luck and God bless.
2007-07-19 06:38:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
thats just wrong, if he is still singing those songs. Oh my god, I couldn't handle it. If my spouse ever cheated he be out on his ***, I don't care how sorry he was. Gone, Gone, Gone!! No one deserves a second chance after that. Especially that is still singing those songs. Sure go ahead ask him which songs he screwed his mistress to. If that somehow makes it easier for you.
Oh and goldwing, read the question! Jeepers!! She said an affiar, not a lover from his past, and AFFAIR! your moron!
2007-07-19 06:35:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your trying to work on recovering the relationship with your husband, asking him over and over again about little details is going to drive him away, and drive you mad...tell you what...take those songs that stick out in your mind, and create new memeories for them, that way, when he hears the songs, he thinks of you....Do a sultry strip tease, cook him his favorite meal, whatever he likes..it will help put her farther from his mind, and not drive you crazy... good luck
2007-07-19 06:35:56 · answer #7 · answered by Frznoooo_Sam 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
IF this is your biggest problem in marriage, consider yourself to be very lucky...stop being so controlling. You cannot rule his mind, we all take trips down memory lane now and then...big deal...it is what is happening today that counts in life. You do not OWN this man, so stop acting like you think you do. Otherwise, he may turn the tables on you and consider you a possession...are you sure you want to go down that path?
2007-07-19 06:34:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Are you also going to petition NASA to take the moon out of the sky, because it is the moon "they" looked at together?
You have to get over this, and not torment yourself over what is in the past. You cannot remove memories out of his head even if he never hears another song again. Obsessing over the past like this will get you nowhere...For your own sake, try to move on!
2007-07-19 06:44:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This ebook might help you to understand what's wrong in your relationship and It also teaches what to do to try saving your marriage http://savemarriage.toptips.org
It helped me alot!
2014-09-26 00:48:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋