I'm closing in on a divorce. What should I do to prepare myself (emotionally, monetarily)?

Question

I just want to hear from divorced men on this one.

We have three children. She's a Permanent Resident Alien and she scrambled yesterday to get file for citizenship.

Married for 15 years, together for 18.

Answer 1

Not much you can do to prepare the money situation. It will be what it will be. You don't really share any details like if there are children or not , who wanted the divorce etc etc...My advice to you is to plan on setting up for a long period of alone time. Give yourself some time out so you don't make any new sudden or rash mistakes. Give yourself time to grieve over the loss of your relatioship, and leave room as there will be more grieving when she starts seeing someone new. Allow yourself time to heal before jumping back out into the world, go out whole, not broken. Most of all , if no children are involved , distance yourself from your ex. I like seeing all these guys who say have a party blah blah blah.....if they had one , must have not cared about their marriage much in the first place, the reality is , it hurts. A local divorce support group is not a bad idea either , other people to talk to that understand what you are going thru, if nothing else , just to vent. Good luck , its a tuff road , but life goes on, and wil get much better again.

**EDIT**

As I see you have children , that changes what I said about the ex. The most important thing is to keep a civil ongoing relationship with her. Remember this is for and about the children. Doesn't matter who has custody, doesn't matter what court minimum visitation is , what matters is that the two of you continue to work together in the best interest of your children. Be prepaired , this is going to be hard on the children , they may not show it right away. I have 4 children with my ex, and my one single piece of advice to you is, Live up to your resposabilities. Pay your child support , see your kids, be a Dad , divorce doesn't change that.

Answer 2

If there are no children involved, you can prepare yourself emotionally by getting used to being alone. Also, you will feel better if you start new routines, maybe do something you've always wanted, or try something you never knew about before. Join a gym, go sport fishing, take up ball room dancing, grow flowers, watch birds, you get the idea. If you live in a metropolitan area, there are clubs for just about anything.

Financially, I suggest - if you haven't already - get a good lawyer. Preserve every penny you can legally. If you decide to stash some cash, as suggested by another answer, you might want to find out if it's legal. If it's not, DO NOT tell anyone about it, including your lawyer. You'll need a perfectly fail safe place to hide it and/or a perfectly reliable accomplice. If the plan falls through, you'll end up in jail, where you won't have to worry about the loneliness at all.....


EDIT
Kids change everything. Keep them first in your mind. Good luck

Answer 3

Have no idea where you live, but if you live in a no fault state, the assests are divided equally...do not try to hide assests, you will be found out and take a serious hit.
Emotionally....be prepared that you will meet someone very quickly and think you are in love...don't fall for that bullcrap, your emotions will lie to you....all you will be doing is transferring left over love from your wife to someone else, and it doesn't hold up over time. Date, have a ball, do whatever, but you will not be in a relationship mode for about one year...by that time, your head will have sorted the crap out. You will, at first, feel a failure, but stop that one dead in its tracks...no failures here, just incompatable. Be more careful the next time, take your time, and know who you marry...if it comes to that. Personally I ascribe to the "live close, visit often, and leave it that way." Do not get nasty in the divorce, especially if kids are involve (of any age)...you two will have to work at family together in the future, so watch yourself carefully...always take the high road, you cannnot lose by doing this. If child support is involved, then err on the side of generous..if not, you may have to pay alimony for a year if your wife does not work..pay it graciously. Remember, you loved this woman once, and for whatever reason, she deserves some respect. Good luck

Answer 4

Actually you're trolling to harass Israel. Anyone can tell you, mostly you'll get asked questions for a few minutes. Only if you seriously present like a security risk, will they take you aside for more QUESTIONING privately. Even the Arabs I've traveled with have never received more. Given your attitude at Israel, you may very well have connections to groups that have bombed Israeli civilians. So, I would expect you would be questioned for several hours and even turned away. But that's only if you were really going to Israel, and not just home trying to make Israel look bad... because it's the only way you know how to win your war to wipe her out. Peace, may not be one of your options... but it is what Israel wants!

Answer 5

I know you said you wanted to hear from divorced men, but I thought I might could offer a little. =)

Emotionally what to expect. . .a roller coaster ride of emotions. Some days you will feel fine and other days you will be a wreck. . .you can go from hurt to angry in split seconds. The emotions come and go. The best thing you can do is live one day at a time through one emotion at a time realizing that you are on a journey. Let yourself experience the emotions, deal with them, learn from them and let go. Time is the greatest healer of all. . . .I promise you that.

Keep your kids as the number one priority. . .don't ever talk bad about their mom and hopefully she will do the same for you. Let them know that although things are changing the way you love them and their mother loves them is not changing.

It is difficult but you will make it. . . .one day at a time with baby steps. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I don't really know too much but one thing -- buy lottery tickets on the day the papers are finalized. Then win $50 million and headline the city paper holding an oversized check! And then just go live in Maui for the rest of your life.

Answer 7

Seriously:

As you give very little details about what's going on...

Well, in all honesty, your best bet is to speak to a help group in your area, possibly ask your attorney or other friends, and not waste more of your time here on YA worrying about it...

Good luck, anyway, eh?!

Answer 8

Go out with friends and "celebrate". Be prepared for some bitterness and regrets for a while (that will pass). Discuss with your lawyer anything that you need to know financially.

Answer 9

Darn it I'm a lady,...... I could tell you what 30 years of marriage and two years in court for this divorce has done to me!!!

Answer 10

KEEP SOME CASH HANDY!! can't stress enough how bad she can do you if she wants to play hardball. keep cash where no one can get to it and only you know. enough to get you by for a few days at least