hello...i'm a 22 yr old woman. i got married 3 months ago. we had dated for 3 yrs and he's 27. i thought marriage would be the best thing to happen to me but it's beeing proved otherwise.....we guys bicker over small issues. i must confess i'm the one to start it most of the times...i just mean to be playful...he plays along too but then we end up having a big argument. he does come up to me to make it up but........
i hate it when he treats me like a baby...i mean he's a great guy and all but when it comes to decision making...i'm left out most of the times. i not outta uni yet but that doesn't mean i'm a kid. it irritates me when i'm all so excited about something and he's cool about it. i feel like he takes it to be too immature of me. i know he's older but not that much. it really irks me. wat do i do? i've noticed we end up arguing on everything and then he comes back to me....i do like it...but he treates me like a child...wat do i do?
2007-07-19 05:54:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Welcome to the world of marriage...when my hubby and I got married we bicker and argue over every little thing that's because we have our own ways set before we got married and no one wants to give in but then as time goes on we will both compromise for stuff..We still argue but very much less now and especially now that we just got a puppy..
2007-07-19 05:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by Stanley the Westie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may seem like a really weird site to send you for your question but if you are really serious about working on your marriage before things get bad, the first half of the lessons in the Growing Kids God's way series (for all ages) really gets into the nitty gritty of what a sucessfull marriage is all about, you would both need to make some changes though. I know from experience as I have been through the whole thing myself :) Good Luck.
2007-07-19 06:00:18 · answer #2 · answered by Melli J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are both so young, it takes time and effort for a marriage to be happy. Work on it.
When an arguement starts;
You say, Honey, when you ---------- that makes me feel like you are treating me like a child and I want to be treated equally.
Honey, if feel that we are argueing too much. Can we start quietly listening to each other's opinions so that we can understand what the other one's thoughts are and then decide together about the issue?
Do this everytime and the arguements will stop.
1 Corinthians 13.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. GOD
2007-07-19 06:11:38 · answer #3 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what I've read it is obvious that YOU were too immature to get married to begin with and it is very obvious that while you may have dated for quite some time neither one of you really knew each other well when you got married, and you deffinately lacked decent communication between you. I don't know what you should do (besides learn to spell...WAT is a Buddhist Temple in Tibet), although I don't see this "marriage" lasting much longer.
2007-07-19 12:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps try some marital counseling. If you know he won't agree to that, try going yourself. A relationship counselor will help you with your situation even if your husband doesn't attend. If counseling is out of the question, your best bet is to have a civil and mature conversation with your hubby WITHOUT getting into an argument. If you feel yourself getting defensive or feeling insulted by something he says, take a breath, count to ten and respond calmly. The whole idea is to keep tempers and anger out of the conversation. Your marriage is young and needs to mature which only happens by conquering the everyday trials and tribulations of any relationship. Good luck to you.
2007-07-19 06:06:08 · answer #5 · answered by ThatGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him and explain how you feel. Let him know you feel that he is treating you like a child. As for the arguements, instead of letting it end up as a big arguement when you are joking maybe make it more obvious. Toss in a few kisses or a "geez! Why're you so sexy?" kind of 'arguement'. Throw in a kiss or two in the middle of the play fight before it gets bad.
2007-07-19 05:59:56 · answer #6 · answered by Rune 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q. hello...i'm a 22 yr old woman. i got married 3 months ago.
we had dated for 3 yrs and he's 27.
You are 22, he is 27, after3 yrs. dating you got married.
Q. i thought marriage would be the best thing to happen to me but it's beeing proved otherwise.....
Often what we say after BUT involves some problem in the self’s functioning.
Q. we guys bicker over small issues.
You switch on bicker switch. You can switch it off. And you can switch on conversation and love and interaction switches!
Q. i must confess i'm the one to start it most of the times...
I think you start a conversation.
Q. i just mean to be playful...
Wonderful! Being playful is a fantastic way of spending time between spouses! How lucky you are! How wise of you both to be playful! It is different from teasing, laughing AT, criticizing, condemning, putting down,
Q. he plays along too
How wonderful! He must be a great guy! You are lucky you got him! How did you manage that? And thank god for that.
Q. but then we end up having a big argument.
When offensive or hurtful something comes to you, that is the time when you can press on your Pause Button (Courtesy Stephen Covey). Then you can be Proactive. That is, give out the kind of controlled output to the spouse. Output which suits your role of spouse. No need to be Reactive, that is expressing for the sake of Habit, Inner balancing, or just blurting out. As my son says, Reactive like how Pepsi spills out when stirred, and and Proactive, like water in the glass, which gets shaken, but regains its balance. You can learn which categories of sentences go out of your mouth: blame, referring to past mistakes of spouse or his relatives, criticism, sarcasm, putting the other down, ‘what comes naturally to you’ (this means what you learned in childhood from your parents) etc. Or, appreciation, reflecting what you heard, paraphrasing to him what you heard, expressing your thoughts in a nonprovocative, effective manner.
Q. he does come up to me to make it up.
He seems to have skills in doing it! Support it! That is one of the wisest behaviours a spouse can do after messing up in conversation.
Q. BUT........
What comes up after this ‘but’ is often a pointer to the inner dynamics of the person.
Q. i hate it when he treats me like a baby...
Instead of the Hate Response, (dislike to rage) you can think of a hundred alternatives.This is an occasion to start a journey of learning, Learning healthy ways of responding to stimuli, changing thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, behaviours and words.
Q. i mean he's a great guy
How great!
Q. and all but when it comes to decision making...i'm left out most of the times.
You can start learning alternative styles of decision making. What you get may be 100% to your expectation, or 80%, or 50% or 120%! What are the ways you can respond? The options?
Q. i not outta uni yet but that doesn't mean i'm a kid.
Yes.
Q. it irritates me when i'm all so excited about something and he's cool about it.
You can respond with different responses:
A) Become irritated (quite likely this is your habitual reaction. If it is so, it is possible to start immediate steps to change it. Because great problems await if one reacts with irritation, hate etc. as a default)
B) Take it as, 'this is life!' You don’t get it as you want 100%. It could have been worse in a hundred ways.
C) May be tactfully and skillfully, you can convey your thoughts and experiences to him.
D) Husbands come as a package. A package of some good aspects and some bad aspects. When you pick up one package, you get both. (wives also come as a package!)
E) You can use it as a class to practice Tolerance!
F)
G H I J K ) Make it up yourself!
Q. i feel like he takes it to be too immature of me.
Q. i know he's older but not that much.
Q. it really IRKS me.
Read again ABCDEFGH above.
Q. wat do i do?
This is a good question. You can start an inner journey into yourself, acquire some selfknowledge, and some work on yourself, and as a side effect, a smoother married life may become possible.
Q. i've noticed we end up arguing on everything and then he comes back to me....
Love him for coming back!
Q. i do like it...
Q. but
Q. he treates me like a child...
Q. wat do i do?
You can also learn about patterns we play out in our minds and with others (Games as given in Games People Play by Eric Berne.)
Wish you both a happy married life! And a journey to the self, for self correction, learning, changing to healthier modes of functioning!
2007-07-19 16:43:46 · answer #7 · answered by gcounsellor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you really need to see some one to get this straighten out.
2007-07-19 07:21:23 · answer #8 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you are still young you have a whole life to live, u dont want to spend the best years in your life in troubles so think well if u want to continue your life with him it might be hard to leave him now but it's for sure harder when u leave him later especially if u had children such dicision would be a disaster.
2007-07-19 06:07:24 · answer #9 · answered by haboosh~~ 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋