Should I divorce my bipolar husband?

Question

I am 28 years old and have been married to my husband for almost three years now. About a year ago he had a severe episode which included paranoia, panic attacks, sleeplessness and was suicidal which resulted in a hospital stay. After he was released, his pyschiatrist diagnosed him as bipolar. This past year with him has been a real roller coaster for me and he's lost two jobs due to his illness. I am not sure if he's ever going to be able to work productively again. The worst thing is that he's in denial about his mental illness and there have been three times this year where he procedes to stop taking his meds (Zyprexa). We have no children together and even though I love him I am extremely hesitant about commiting the rest of my life to him knowing the sacrifices I am going to have to make. I will most likely have to support him financially and I do not want to have children with him. Is this selfish of me to want out? Any advice would help.

Answer 1

No it is not selfish. Coming from a father that is bipolar they are always to act like they are now...they are not going to change. I can't tell you wha to do about your marriage, but if you really want kids and you don't want to have them with him then there is your answer. Good luck!

Answer 2

Divorcing A Bipolar Spouse

Answer 3

Bipolar Divorce

Answer 4

I've been down a similar road, not the exact same stuff you've had to deal with, but the beginning of bipolar showing up, suicide thoughts/attempts, loss of jobs, depression, addictions, etc. with my husband. I know its hard to hear, but I found out the hard way too that until he's ready to admit this is a problem and he needs to change it....you have to understand that you can't save someone that doesnt want to be saved. Marriage counseling is one way to go, it may get him to hear you out or see your side of things differently. That's helped alot for us. I know that Depecote is a pretty good medication as a mood stabalizer, etc. It's pretty mild and it works quickly with little to no side effects. I'm terribly sorry you have to go through this. Everything we've been through, I'd never wish upon anyone, so I can sympathize with what you're going through. As for whether to stay with him or leave him or have kids or not; it sucks but you have to be the one to make that decision. I heard alot from both sides of what to do, even when I wasn't asking for the "advice". I chose to fight and stick around to see where we'd end up. --Which I'm very happy I did now, he's made changes and whereas nothing happens or can be fixed over night, he's been able to stick to what he needs to do to survive, even for himself. We've only been married 3 years as well, so I know how hard this is and how trying it is on your marriage.
My advice would be to really think things through first.

Answer 5

That's a decision only you can make.
Did he have signs of mental instability or inability to work while you were dating and you married him anyway? If so, I think that would be selfish.
Bipolar is a very popular diagnosis right now -- I would get 2nd and 3rd opinions if you haven't already - perhaps there is something else needed to balance him.

Answer 6

this is very typical of a bipolar person, to start thinking that the drs were wrong and that he doesnt need the meds. You really need to step back and think about it. This can be passed on to your children if you have them with him. my brother is bipolar and he is fine for a while and then hes not, he loses jobs abuses drugs, goes to jail, and he has a son with the same disorder. Your marriage is up to you, if you think that you can handle episodes (every now and then) for the rest of your life, then stay if not, go.

Answer 7

Why did you marry him. Obviously your vows ment nothing to you. Maybe your carelessness is what trigered his breakdown.
I am 25, when I met my husband he was disabled. He has cronic pain and fibromyaligia, and mutable other problems. He is panic disorder, he has boarderline personality disorder, he has depression, sudden unexplainable rage. So what. Who doesnt have problems?
I met him, and later started dating him, knowing that I would have to support him and our family. So what? What's the big deal? Do you love him, or do you love his money?
Stop acting like your problems are so unbelievable.
And start taking care of your husband because you WANT to. That what makes a good wife. The loyality and respect to do things that you dont HAVE to do, to make your husband happy. Or make his life a little easier.
It is very painful for my husband to get a bath. Because of his cronic pain disorder. The first time I ever saw him naked wasnt in the bedroom. It was when we were dating, and he was in bad shape and needed help getting a bath.

And why do you not want to have children with him?
I have a 7 year old step daughter, and there is no man in this world who could be a better father. He is a diffrent person when she is around. He is happy, carefree, he is like a kid again. He cant go out and roll in the yard with her obviously. But they sit and talk for hours, and they study things togather. He teaches her things all the time.

It really just sounds to me like you dont love him. In which case maybe you should go. But that has nothing to do with "him". Because he isnt the one who doesnt love anymore. And its not his fault you dont love him, its your fault for marrying someone you dont love enough to stand by him in his time of need.

Imagin, if you left for work tommarrow and was in a car accident and was paralized, or lost a limb. How would you feel if he left you?
There are some things in life you just cant control, I promise you, he doesnt "want" be be bipolar.

Answer 8

You are young and still have your whole future ahead of you. I feel for you and totally understand your predicament. If you are religious than my advise to you is to seek advice through your church and of course if there is a mom or a dad by all means include them as well. Bipolar is a serious mental illness and not one to fool around with. Sadly it is how the one having this illness goes about dealing with it or handling it..they truly kid themselves and they should not. Having children and you do not have any could be a blessing, and I apologize for I am a parent who had her share of this problem in my family, and although they are not blood related still it caused alot of problems.

By all means you are not being selfish the selfish one is the one with the problem..If this is not the life for you than do what is right be honest with him maybe give him an ultimatum. If it does not sink in with him..as hard as it is for me still today it does hurt to tell someone else going through this to follow my advise and let him go especially when he gets off his meds and puts you through hell and more.

Answer 9

If I remember correctly marriage vows included the words for better or for worse and in sickness and in health. It is hard to live with someone who has mental health issues but he needs your support now. You just have to keep trying and helping him. If he can get regulated on meds and stick to the routine of taking them he will work productively again. I know it is hard because of his denial but Marriage is give and take .....right now you have to give your support and show him you have faith in him. You are very right about the children.....Do not have any until you know for sure he is completely stable and not in denial and on meds that work. This may be a while.

Answer 10

There is nothing that you can do for him if he CHOOSES to not take his meds. You also do not have to put up with him the way he is without his medications. No it is not selfish of you to want as "normal" a life as possible and to expect him to be able to provide at least half of that by taking his medications. Marriage is 50/50 and if he is not willing to give to you then you should not be expected to stick it out. You do have the right to have a decent life.