Been with my wonderful girl just over a year, when we started seeing each other i joked and said, aye engaged in a year, married in three, and i was pretty serious about it. bought a ring etc, but before i coudl give her it we had an unplanned pregnancy and miscarriage. i crumpled and never gave her the ring, this hurt her badly. she wants us to try for a baby, but isn't bothered about getting married now, says it doesn't matter, that getting engaged with just be a reminder of when we didn't and that having a kid is a bigger commitment anyway. i don;t want to try for a kid yet, i want ot be engaged, i want to be married, then i want to have children with her. we fight about it now and then, and if i could i'd turn back the clock, propose and hope she didn't miscarriage....
i'm in so much pain, i am hopelessly in love with her but i have failed to give her what she wanted, what she needed again and again this year. Feel like a failure, what can i do to make things better???
2007-07-19 05:37:59 · 21 answers · asked by Derek J Kered 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She's just not thinking straight. I'm sure she feels really bad and sad about the miscarriage that's why she's rushing to get pregnant again. Propose to her and then marry her..What ever happens in between that let it happen..No point arguing or planning stuff that you don't know whether can happen or not. No point trying to turn the clock back just look at the future.
2007-07-19 05:42:11 · answer #1 · answered by Stanley the Westie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is the preferred social position to be in to have children because it provides the greatest security for the child so marriage naturally comes as the most important thing in a couples relationship. Having said that me and my partner are not married and we have a solid relationship that wont be made any stronger by us getting married although we are soon because we love each other and want to show the world and say look we are not playing if every there was doubt left to be had it has now been washed away, and through the darkness we came out the stronger and more determined, more mature and mean it forever. This is what marriage should be it should be two people who love each other doing it for each other and not all for one as it seems you are.
2007-07-19 07:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is to try to be there for her, but don't comprimise too much of yourself. You know what she wants and it sounds like you aren't ready for that type of commitment. She should try to understand you're not ready, how special is an engagement if one of you didn't really want it.
It might sound like you're breaking promises, but maybe you weren't ready for a child or engagement all along. It's nice to think that things might have been perfect if she didn't miscarry and you proposed, but relationships will always have some problems and it's important to be able to help each other through them.
Let her know how you really feel, but also reassure her that you still love her and even though you're not ready now, you might be ready sometime in the future.
2007-07-19 05:48:06 · answer #3 · answered by MangoGirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The past is the past. You can't change it and you can't let it ruin what's right in front of you.
No marriage, no kids. It's not fair to your kid to be born or conceived out of wedlock.
If you love her and want to marry her then do it. But you have to sit down and discuss the child issue. If you aren't ready then she should understand that. If she becomes adamant about having one now then it's time to walk away and let her find someone that is ready to have a child now. She is not concerned with your feelings at the that point and just being selfish.
The only way a marriage works is if both people are only trying to make the other one happy. Any me, me, me crap and you've moved toward toward ruin.
Be up front with your lady and share your feelings, hopes, dreams and desires for how feel now and what you want down the road. You both must be ready for a child.
Good luck.
2007-07-19 05:48:32 · answer #4 · answered by Panama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't allow her to pressure you into having a baby if you are not ready to take on this responsibility. Why is she in such a rush to get pregnant and not married? I hope you do not feel any guilt and be pressured into doing something that you will regret later. Sat down and make a love and a dislike list of her and see which one out weigh the other. You cannot turn back the hands of time, but you can keep yourself from making a lifetime of regerts.
2007-07-19 05:45:02 · answer #5 · answered by Idon0tknow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to rush to have a baby...or get engaged. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You not giving her the ring meant that you yourself have your doubts. Love, unfortunately, does not conquer all. Having a baby right now is simply a commitment to the child, not to each other. Maybe you two should talk to a professional and get a third party's opinion. Sometimes when we are personally involved, the obvious answers difficult to see because of our emotions. Take your time...think about it...talk to someone.
2007-07-19 05:44:05 · answer #6 · answered by who knows 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think marriage before having a kid is better because once you have a baby...it's not about you anymore..it's all about the kid...so i think you should get married and enjoy being a bonded couple and travel, play, etc...and i would just simply explain that to her..and explain your reasoning for waiting...
hmm..and i think you should also repeat this to her:
"i'm in so much pain, i am hopelessly in love with her but i have failed to give her what she wanted, what she needed again and again this year. Feel like a failure, what can i do to make things better???"
2007-07-19 05:47:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her about what you want and why - honesty is always key. It sounds like you want to do the right thing and that you love her very much, so sit down with her, explain what you're feeling and why.
Maybe she wants a baby to mask the pain of the miscarriage and to move forward, but a better decision might be for you two to commit to each other and work through your pain. Good luck :)
2007-07-19 05:46:44 · answer #8 · answered by needstoknow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, You are NOT a failure. Things like that happen, there's nothing you can do about it.
If you want to marry this girl, ask her. Plan how you are going to do it, make it special for both of you. Re-assure her you do want a baby in the future, but right now you want to do things properly. This should give you both time to get over the miscarriage.
2007-07-19 05:44:31 · answer #9 · answered by L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell her that you love her very deeply and you wont her to be youre wife before yall have kids together and youre sorry about the miscarriage and you havent failed her you need to just explain youre intentions and she will understand how you feel and you need to let her know that it hurt you too about the miscarriage and you would love to have a baby with her but after you are married
2007-07-19 05:44:09 · answer #10 · answered by foxy lady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋