My friend and I have talked online for several years. We live two hours from each other and have never met. He recently said that he cares for me very much. He knows I have a fiance and I am already in a relationship. I didn't know he felt this way and if I did, I would have said No when my BF asked me for marry him. I told my friend that I can't meet him because that would be the wrong thing to do to my fiance. My fiance doesn't want me to meet him and said he would be VERY upset if I did. My friend has said that if I don't meet him then he will never speak to me again. He said he has to do this because being "just friends" is too painful. I have tried over and over again to tell him that I don't want to lose him as a friend. I didn't know he had those feelings for me and I don't want to hurt him. He's stopped talking to me and stopped responding to my emails. Am I wrong for not meeting him or is he wrong for acting this way? What should I do?
2007-07-19 05:35:10 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You will be wrong if you go to meet him while your fiancee disagrees. Your "friend" obviously has the wrong idea about you (not sure where he got that) and he may have hurt feelings now. However, it's NOT your responsibility to coddle him over it. Move past it and focus on your current relationship. To me, the answer to this should have been obvious... I really question if you're ready for marriage if you have to wonder what to do about an "online" friend vs. your FIANCEE.
2007-07-19 05:39:09 · answer #1 · answered by Peach 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have done the right thing in not meeting your friend. You are engage. As a lady, be a wife is the No.1. target in life.
You have a fiance. Your fiance do not allow you to met your friend. Your fiance is a very good man. For several years he allow you to speak over the phone with your friend without stopping you. What more do you want. If you met you friend, most probably your fiance will break away with you. Your friend is not your fiance and how do you know that he'll take you as a wife. What grantee do you have from you friend. He's only saying that he love you. He never make any promise to that should anything happen between you and your fiance that he will marry you. He's only a friend.
Who is Wrong?
Your friend is wrong. Knowing that you are engage, he still like to be with you. You told him your fiance will be very upset if you meet him. You are also to be blame if your engagement break.
Honor to your fiance for being such a very good and understanding man.
What should you do?.
Be loyal to your fiance. Do not phone your friend anymore.
2007-07-19 06:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by AHMAD FUAD Harun 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really do want to marry your fiance then no you should not meet this other guy.
The guy has every right to end the friendship if it is too hard for him to be just friends. If you care at all about him then you will respect his feelings and move on.
The real issue at hand though is you said that if you had known the other guys feelings for you then you would have told your bf no to his marriage proposal. I wonder why. Are you into the other guy more, is he the "greener grass" or what?
I am about to be married to a man so perfect for me that NOBODY could have made me doubt saying yes to him. I didn't feel that way the first time I was married. I could have easily sad no had "something better" come along. Sad and stupid but I was young (21) and was ready to start a family. Guess that's why the first one is now an ex.
Think about it and good luck.
2007-07-19 05:47:15 · answer #3 · answered by hockeygirl4462 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important part of this situation is your relationship with your future husband. If you are confident that you are marrying the right person (you should be, you said "yes"), then not being friends with this other guy anymore shouldn't be a huge deal. It definitely hurts when you lose friends, but once you get married, or accept a proposal of marriage, your priorities change. Have you EVER met him or do you only know him from your online conversations?
If you think that this person could potentially be someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you owe it to yourself to meet him. It's not fair to your husband for you to constantly wonder "what if". If you have any romantic feelings for your online friend, you shouldn't be marrying your fiance.
On the flip side, it's completely not fair and childish for your friend to ask you to put your relationship aside for a moment to see if there is anything between you. AND even more childish and selfish for him to ignore you because you want to just be friends.
If I were you, I'd cut the friend off and focus on making your current relationship healthy and strong. Your marriage will be more important than any friendship you will ever have.
2007-07-19 05:45:05 · answer #4 · answered by Level Headed, I hope 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly.. if your friend can't accept the fact that you have a fiance and that you don't want to meet up with him, that's showing you disrespect. He should respect your decision and back off when you told him no about meeting up. You made a commitment to your fiance and if you're doubting that commitment, then maybe you should think hard about it. However, as far as your friend goes, in my opinion, he doesn't really sound like he's being a friend by refusing your emails because you decided not to meet him. I say ditch the friend. You don't know his alterior motives. This is just my opinion and what I see, but I think he is wrong for acting the way he is.
2007-07-19 05:47:37 · answer #5 · answered by Karlisle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that had you known he felt this way you would have said no when you current boyfriend proposed to you, so, what does that say about your current relationship? The bond isn't as strong as it should be and you obviously don't want to be with him. If you feel the same way towards this friend of yours as he feels towards you then I would suggest calling off the engagement and meeting this guy. But....that could bite you in the butt when the two of you meet and start seeing each other to realize you don't want to be together. If you choose to stay with your fiance then I would have to say no he isn't wrong in saying you should not meet with this guy and you are not wrong for not meeting him. He knew you were in a relationship before the engagement right, so why didn't he take the opportunity while he had it?
2007-07-19 05:40:48 · answer #6 · answered by purpleama456 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think either of you were technically wrong. Sounds like you have some serious thinking to do. You mentioned if you would have known how your friend felt you would have said No to your boyfriend when he asked you to marry you. That's a pretty profound statement and you need to reevaluate your marriage to your fiance as a statement such as that should not be made lightly. Your friend said he can't be friends with you, it's an all or nothing kind of thing and frankly that's his choice and now it's your choice whether you continue down the path to marriage with your fiance or find that your friend was whom you truly cared for.
2007-07-19 05:40:17 · answer #7 · answered by jay k 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be having an on-line "friendship" with a man when you already have a fiance. Your fiance is right to be concerned. Wouldn't you be if he was the one carrying on an on-line "friendship" with another girl? You have to decide which is more important to you - your fiance or your "friend". Obviously, you can't have both, especially if the "friend" is admitting to having more than friendly feelings for you (although how that is possible when you have never met is beyond me!).
2007-07-19 05:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by Shelley L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is defiently wrong for acting this way. He is just trying to get with you before you get married to try and make you make a mistake.
You did the right thing by not meeting him.....You do not need a friend like that! There are too many other people out there to be there for you as a friend.
I am also getting married soon, and I would never think of meeting someone online. It would be worng to my fiance!
2007-07-19 05:41:00 · answer #9 · answered by russell97yzf 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are absoultly right, you are already commited someone and if he doesn't like, i don't think so you should do the same because you are goin to spent your whole life with him......and the most importnat is u care your fiance as he do. I know you have your own feellings, you also don't want to lose ur friend too. So he must respect your feelingts and realize that why you deny to meet him...i am not trying to prove that your friend is competly wrong. there is not a bad thing to meet a gay in most of the socities.... but we must keep in mind the circumstances of others also.. and he must realize that in friendship, there is no thanks, no sorries and most importnat not try to force the friends to do something, which he/she doesn't want to do...
2007-07-19 08:07:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's wrong for acting this way. You are engaged and as a friend he should respect that. If he wants to meet you tell him your fiance wants to come also beings you are going to marry this man, he should be apart of your friends. if this guy can't handel that, then let him on his way. Also it is sort of creepy his urgency and because you have only mewt over the net, I'd question that.
2007-07-19 05:40:39 · answer #11 · answered by Maalru3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋