Hubby took first step... heart broken, feel like my life will end... help!!?

Question

my husband took the step that i couldn't make. He asked for space bcuz he was tired of all the fighting. I am so sad beacuse I aked him to forgive me for my mistakes and to give us a chance and all he could say was that he needed his space. My brothers found out about our fighting and how bad it got they went over to our apt. and helped me take almost everything. why because there was a lot of verbal and physical abuse between the both of us. Now yesturday when he told me we needed space I was surprised to see him cry for the first time. God I love him and miss him already but he was right in doing this. How do I cope with the pain and with the fact that my brothers want to kill my Love??? He says he still loves me and not to see any one else and I said the same thing. Could things ever change and get better if we do this? I Love him so much and forgave him for his harmful ways. what should I do? I really love him...

Answer 1

you guys should go to counseling and talk out your issues with someone that can offer honest advice for what to do it helps thousands of people in your same situation every year

Answer 2

I was in the same situation with my ex and yes you two do need space right now. I am not saying you can't see each other at all, but take it slow and maybe get some couple's therapy if you seriously want it to work out. I learned that I had to stop telling my family about those type of things because they just didn't understand it like I did and of course, they shouldn't! They are your brothers and in no way will they ever except their sister being abused whether it was a mutual thing or not. They will always have distrust and anger for him even if you two change. It will eventually become less and more tolerable though! Ireally feel for you two because I understand how painful this situation can be, but if you truly love eachother than make it work and get therapy because the abuse will not stop until then. Good luck and I hope you two get it together because you do sound like you really love him!

Answer 3

well first of all I think your hubby is right to request a time out. Things already got physical and at this point if you don't fix what broken everything will fall apart. when things get this bad you're better off falling back for a while. it may not seem to be the best solution or the easiest thing to do but think about it, if you guys love each other just the way you claim then everything will be just alright.Meanwhile what you have to do is to take a trip, go out with your girls, enjoy your family and work hard on figuring out your own self issues and what went wrong in you marriage. Learn to love yourself so you can love your husband better. Give him space and time. Trust me sometimes that's all you need to get the relationship back on track.
Hope everything works out for you. Good luck

Answer 4

Just because you love him doesn't mean that you two should be together... I don't know your whole situation but I got out of a 13 year relationship last year and I love him and always will but I'm much happier without him...I never thought that could be possible but it is.....he has a baby on the way now and he seems happy as well...It's hard to let go sometimes and the main reason why is because you get comfortable and don't want to step out of your comfort zone...In the end the only thing that hurts about breaking up is the memories...but that's all they are is memories..don't let memories have you stay in an abusive situation where the both of you are unhappy

Answer 5

You said there was verbal and physical abuse - so the assumption is that he beat you. If that is the case, I don't think reconcilation is a good idea at all. If you do decide to do it, I cosign everyeone else's suggestion that you do so only with marital counseling.

If you were the one who hit/hurt him (not as rare as some may think), then I suggest you take this time for personal counseling, possibly anger management, and then (and only then) see how you feel.

If your marriage is meant to last - it will last through some time apart and work on yourselves.

As to your brothers, they love you. Just let them know that you would hurt more by seing them in jail than you already are. That they could help you most by being there for you emotionally right now while you are still so emotionally raw.

Answer 6

If he cried in front of you and said he loves you, I'm pretty sure you can trust that. So when he says that he doesn't want to see other people and just wants space, you can put faith in that too. There isn't too much you can do to alleviate the pain with this sorta thing, but time will eventually fix things. Just call him when you feel really lonely just to talk with him about anything, since then you'd have the space and would still be able to talk to each other.

As for your brothers, tell them that you really love him and it hurts that they hate him for what he's done. It only shows that your brothers love you a lot, and you should thank them for that, but still tell them how you feel about their attitudes towards him.

I know it's hard, but things get better, no matter what. Hang in there!

Answer 7

If he is still able to cry about you, then yes there is hope for your future. Take a good look at what you were fighting about and come up with solutions to make it better. It sounds as though you both need the time to heal from the hurt you've inflicted upon each other. just remember to keep in touch with him and not be pushy about it. "just a little note to say hi" works fine in this regard, it lets him know you still care and I hope he will reciprocate by keeping in touch with you. Keep you family out of you business. I know your brothers love you and would do anything for you, but you are an adult and situations that you get yourself into should be handled by you.

Answer 8

Space is not necessarily a bad thing, and not necessarily permanent. It may be what you both need to get a new perspective on your relationship, and to determine how committed you both might be to changing your past and working things out.

You cannot do it alone, however. You must both agree to go to a marriage counselor for an extended period of time. Whatever abuse there is in your relationship must stop immediately, and everything must be fully, honestly disclosed to your counselor if they are to be any help at all. You must both decide if you do want to work things out and be together for a long time in a HEALTHY relationship, and you must commit to making big changes to how you've acted towards each other up til now. Respect each other's space and respect yourself and what you deserve.

Answer 9

Ok right now you are scared, I mean petrified. You have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring. All his years of emotional abuse have left your selfesteem squashed. You have no confidence, and no feelings of self worth without him. You have been basically brainwashed to love him, to rely on him, and to do what he told you to do. He is still telling you what to do by telling you not to see other people.
No way to live your life. The only hope I see in this whole situation is the fact that he cried when you left. Maybe and I only mean maybe he realizes what a mess he has created, and realizes he needs to make changes. There is a possiblity that this marriage can work.
But please and this is so important. Do not go back untill you regain a sense of your self. You need to take time for you, do not worry about what he thinks, what he says, who he is with, nothing. Do not let him convince you to go back and pretend that everything is and was ok. Because its not, but it can be if you are willing to put in the time and energy to heal yourself. And he needs to do the same.
If you really love him and want the marriage to work you need to fix you and him BEFORE you get back together. If you have to avoid even talking to him on the phone, he knows how and will manipulate you to think the way he wants you to think. PLEASE take this time.

Answer 10

First off, you said that you asked him to forgive you for your mistakes, well Miss it takes two to make a marriage or relationship and it takes two to break it and until he asks forgiveness for his mistakes or takes some responsibility for the problems in the marriage, you two can't take the next step to mend your relationship. It sounds like you both need counciling both together and one-on-one. Try a pastor or clergy, if not then all cities have marriage counciling and if u can't afford it it can be availiable to you two anyway.
Crying on both parts shows theres still something there between both of you, start now with a suggestion of counciling to mend this before words between either yourselves or family members start something that can't be reversed...and by all means follow the councelors advice, no sex until councelor advises...sex just complicates things, concentrate on your marriage not your or his immediate needs, sometimes sex is not the only answer to mend a relationship.
I wish you both well.

Answer 11

Look to your family and friends to help you get through this. It is very hard when people who have been together for quite sometime breakup. But we have to move on. When i went thru a breakup several years back i had my friends to lean on. I suggest if you have some good friends to call them up and open up to them and just talk. As for getting back together... It sounds like you were in an abusive relationship..You say you loved him very much, but is the abuse really worth going through again? There are still some nice guy's out there that do not believe in abuse. Good Luck and God Bless.