It is Hard to let go of the Past if you have not learned from the past?

Question

What do you say

Answer 1

I'm right there with Sophist. The trauma from the past stays right there, locked in the tissues of the body, until it is processed and cleared. Undigested life experience, ready at any moment to up and bite you.

For this reason, because we actually carry these trauma around with us in the body, I tend to disagree with CD. The past may be past, but it's effects are still present until we clear them.

EDIT
Not one chink of difference is possible, CD. Have you noticed how Zen tea makes your arm tingle when it is poured?
Gassho, my brother.

Answer 2

First, respect how much pull she still has over you. Otherwise, you'd never have been so hurt as you were two nights ago, when she accused you of clinging to the past. That accusation is her, unwilling to own up to the past. Realize and respect that, and her pull will disappear. The truth is, many sisterly relationships are dysfunctional. For those that aren't, there are different rules. She also [seems to have/has] no comprehension of post-surgical recovery, therefore no empathy. Your best nutshell explanation is that if she weren't family, you wouldn't want her as a friend. I think as we reach our middle years, we get so much better a perspective on our realities that truth dawns where it didn't before, and that our new decisions are better than our old endurance. I'd do what you've done. Despite the grief, it won't improve, so let it go. You can either write her why or tell her why. I think writing it will free you from her interruption. And keep a copy, so if she calls wildly outraged misquoting you, you can correct her. I would tell her she has always needed professional help.

Answer 3

I agree. Learning from the past is part of normal healthy evolution throughout a person's life. If they're not learning from past lessons or mistakes, they'll be poorly adjusted for the present and have more regrets and bitterness .

Part (actually a huge part) of learning from the past is realizing what you are and are not responsible for. People who don't learn from the past often either think they are totally responsible for their past or think that everything is always someone else's fault. And if they don't learn anything, they can't make changes when confronted with the same situation in the future because they haven't figured out how yet. And the same mistakes occur again and again and people start to get dispondent and regretful and bitter. So people start to have trouble letting go because they've either started seeing themselves as a victim of themselves or a victim of everyone else.

Perhaps (and i suggest this carefully) the best way to learn from the past is to step away from any idea of being victimised. Even if you genuinely have been. Being a victim is passive, in a way. It's easy to make excuses when you feel victimised. It's easy to feel a failure when you're a victim and it's easy to be frightened of trying new strategies.

Answer 4

Whether you have learned from the past or not, the quality of letting go of the past is dependent on the level of involvement in the issue concerned. It takes for a lot of grit and determination and detachment to let go of something that really mattered.[despite learning lessons the scar will never go away. and a tinge of hurt will always be there. ]

Answer 5

if you haven't learned a satisfying lesson from the past or should I say a gratifying lesson....it keeps popping up to remind you that it still has power over your life.

We learn lots of things from the past....if they are destructive things....they gain momentum in a anxious way...not relieving.If we take a positive or an objective understanding from an experience...we are more able to release the past.

If you are overwhelmingly connected to the past because of obsessive 'positive' feelings for it and therefore can't let it go....there is no hope for you..=)



long story short...I agree with you.

the more wisdom we have about the past the less of a hold on us it has in an unproductive way. (don't read anything other than the sentence right before this one....)

Answer 6

Yes, I believe it can be very hard. Stop and think about what's bothering you and then say to yourself--hey I can't change what happened, but I can learn from it and make the best from that and travel down a different direction. Never wish to change something from the past, because it's a learning cycle to keep us/you to continue in life and learn from the hardships to make a merry life. good luck.

Answer 7

Letting go of the past has nothing much to do with learning from it.

There's no danger of modern humans learning from the past, they know so little of it.

So they've made a virtue of the religion of 'letting go of the past'. It's easier than learning the past, and it's more condusive to romantic notions about what is, and what isn't where the human condition is concerned.

Answer 8

Yes it is very difficult to let go your past whether you have learnt a lesson from it or not. Mostly people try to forget their past, but with a difference. They remember only the past is better than the present in some sphere of life otherwise nobody wants to remember his dreaded past.

Answer 9

It is hard to let go of ANYTHING when one's spirit is impoverished. So to let go, learning from the past is one way to enrich your soul... It balances out any losses that may have been dealt to you.

Forgiveness also seems to only come when one understands that more is gained through forgiveness than through "holding on" (in anger) to what has already been lost.

Answer 10

It is really hard however if you learned from the past you condemned to repeat it. You tend to forget those things that you believe will hurt you. You learned from it and then tend to do better.