My wife is usually quite level headed but with being bored in her job, wants to quit and go back to her home country for a few months. This would mean I have to cover the mortgage and other bills while she is away. I suppport her happiness so support her going home for a while.
But now she wants to bring her father over to here to work. He can't work here legally, and came here on a 'visit' last year and within one week he left our home to go and work. I thought it was crazy but he did it anyway.
It just seems that what her father says, she can't say no, but with me, virtually anything I want meets with resistance. Why is it so hard for her to accept that I don't want him here, because of the pressure he put on us, specifically her - before?
2007-07-19 03:47:41 · 8 answers · asked by jonoxk 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She says it is her home too - true. But I just felt I hav ebeen pretty supportive with agreeing she could quit her job, have agood break, spending some time in her home country with her family, then come home to me, refreshed and rested. Why put this pressure on herself, never mind me?
Anyway she told me it did'nt concern me, that her father would stay only a week then I could kick him out. But I know he looked ill last year after losing so many jobs. I don't want him here, working, it seems madness to me. But she can't see it. She told me "we know what we are doing. stop making out you are a great citizen of your country. You are so so stupid!"
' If 'we' is her and her father, where do I come in? Am I wrong to be upset here? I just feel I am being used and when she calls me names, I feel like kicking her out of the home.
2007-07-19 03:49:14 · update #1
I had a thought I could be prosecuted, but now I really worry. I don't wish to harbour an illegal. Could I say that if she insisted on bringing him here that she do it without me, and without staying at our home? I can't really be above the law even if I don't agree with some aspects of the law. I don't mind she wants to help her father and herself get a better life, but I feel caugfht in the middle, and i won't do anything illegal. I fear this could break us up. Damn it, why can't she see sense?
2007-07-19 04:42:42 · update #2
I think maybe if your father in law is ill that he come over legally and live in a flat. but when she is making all the decision weather or not you like it then that is wrong. in a marriage all major issue should be decided together. i think that you have always given her so much slack that she just figures that you'll give in sooner or later. she will keep pressuring you until you give in, just like before. if you are really sure that you don't want your father in law there you need to stand firm and not give up. explain if he wants to live in the same country then he need to legal and live separately.
2007-07-19 04:19:59 · answer #1 · answered by KAT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is being a bully! On the other hand maybe she is being bullied by her Dad to allow the visit.
How is she financing her visit home?If you are plus meeting the bills she is taking you for a mug!
Sounds like you have problems asserting yourself get some training or take a deep breath visualise what YOU want-eg no Father-in-law there with you & then think of how to achieve it! Also try the broken record method just keep telling her "I would rather that your Father didn't come here to work" Every arguement she puts up just keep saying the same thing over & over.She will get the message!
2007-07-19 06:06:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I support immigration, but your wife is breaking the law by bringing her father here like that, and YOU may be liable for it as well! So you need to put your foot down over this. Yeah, it is her home, too, but it is yours as well. You need to find a compromise, and that probably means dragging her to marriage counseling if she won't see reason. If she won't go, then you may need to question her commitment to this marriage. Go to counseling without her then, and consider discussing the potential legal problem you might be facing with an attorney. Good luck!
2007-07-19 03:53:49 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your gut feeling tell you not to do something then don't do it. as you know it's 1) illegal 2) not ideal 3) getting in the way of your marriage.
Your wife needs to think good and hard about what she has with you - she sould not be calling you names - for whatever reason - that is abuse - however you look at it. Good luck
2007-07-19 04:23:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you wife and her father are breaking the law, think long and hard about this, i don't think you should allow her to bring him into the country to work illegally! you would be liable to prosecution too i think
be strong, tell your wife how you feel, and if she still puts this illegal action above you and your marriage then i think you should seriously think about divorce, she is obviously using you!
2007-07-19 04:37:48 · answer #5 · answered by Missfit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a seriously patronising attitude! I'd be furious. If it was me I'd probably sell up and move while she's away.
2007-07-19 03:55:26 · answer #6 · answered by proud walker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being used. tell your wife to respect her marriage vows or get a divorce.
2007-07-19 04:00:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u get caught i dare say yr wife could be deported and you would end up in jail.
is this what yr wife wants?????
2007-07-19 05:53:32 · answer #8 · answered by DIANNE E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋