My husband holds everything inside and is less than open with me.....how can I get him to open up?
2007-07-19 03:41:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was more open with me before we were married. Its like he thinks it doesnt matter now that we are married....i dunno..
2007-07-19 03:47:46 · update #1
Guys need to know you listen, respect, and try to understand their thoughts and opinions before they truly open up. We may not seem like it, but we are sensitive. Nagging and criticizing our ideas or opinions will make us clam up because we don't like getting hurt, either.
Ask a guy his opinion about his friends and he will tell you. Ask him about sports and he will tell you. Ask him about his job, and he will usually tell you. Ask him about how he feels inside and you're likely to hit a barrier unless you've gotten him to talking about other things he values in life first.
Every time you act like he's an idiot about cooking, your friends, situations with your family, straightening the house your way, or anything else that may be important to you, you push him back into his shell and make him think that you don't value his opinion. So, don't nag, don't criticize. Listen and adore his logical way of thinking. Make his way of thinking and his interests okay with you because you're not going to change him. Try to do something with him every few days that he likes to do, not just what you want to do. You don't have to agree with him or do everything with him, but appreciate how he thinks about life, his hobbies, and how he forms his opinions. You'll love him more every day and he will start to open up!
2007-07-19 04:01:17 · answer #1 · answered by Brian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people just talk less about there feelings than others and there is nothing that you can do but here are some pointers that will help him feel more comfortable and he may open up more, Don't nag at him, don't be dramatic, don't criticize his thoughts or make him feel like less of a person and be open minded. Never overreact to the stupid things because if he sees you overreact to something small he may never want to talk to you about bigger things and that would cause him to not open up to you. Just be very easy going for awhile and he should open up more with time. Hope this helps!
2007-07-19 10:50:07 · answer #2 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck. I have the same problem. In the 8 years we have been married, I got him to open up ONE time. And that was with me constantly prodding and pushing him to talk to me. But he does know that I am there and will listen if he ever wants to talk. He is just too prideful and I believe it would make him feel weak and vulnerable if he opened up. But if you know that there is something major that you feel he needs to talk to you about, then keep working on him until you break through.
2007-07-19 10:54:32 · answer #3 · answered by Catlover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, hopefully he shares when it is really important.
I think it helps to eliminate distractions. Sit in a room with no TV or anything.
My hubby and I like to go for walks in the evening...a good time to talk!
If you really need to have some alone time, you could go to a hotel, bring a picnic or order a pizza. Bring a bottle of wine and talk.
If he knows that is what you are going to do, maybe he will have some time to think about some things that he wants to get off of his chest.
2007-07-19 10:48:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try writing him a heartfelt message. But not too long. Anything more than a page screams NEEDY, which may be the hurdle in the first place. Then leave the message where he is bound to see it, maybe taped to his golf bag, or glued to the videogame controller.
2007-07-19 10:48:34 · answer #5 · answered by yyyyyy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't demand it but you can do things to make him trust you. He is probably a very private person and may have been hurt or betrayed in the past. By being as loving, trusting, respectful, and honest with him as you can (without being pushy) he will eventually open up to you.
You can ask him to share things with you but you can't "make" him do it. Over time he should open up.
2007-07-19 10:44:46 · answer #6 · answered by Someone somewhere doing something 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women marry men expecting they will change.
Men marry women expecting that they won't change.
How open was he bfefore you got married? If he wasn't open before, what would make you expect to be now?
2007-07-19 10:44:42 · answer #7 · answered by so Fresh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him how you feel? Unless he knows then he can't try and open up explain that you feel like it's not as open as when you were married he may surprise you!
2007-07-19 10:56:18 · answer #8 · answered by Updowndizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you want to be able to talk to him about things that bother both of you amd you want to share with him. Suggest that you go away or have time apart, so he can have his space and sort himself out. If he does not want to asmit he has a problem, suggest counselling and ask him whether he wants to stay in a relationhip with you and do something to improve it or it wont work.
2007-07-19 10:49:58 · answer #9 · answered by Lona 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do all those silly ideas listed below. They're like nagging, needy, or at least confusing to him as to what you are getting at.
Just pick one question at a time, for each conversation that you feel like you want to get some information.
Just one question.
2007-07-19 12:13:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋