I do not find my husband attractive anymore...?

Question

...what am I supposed to do now? I know I'm going to catch hell for this but when we first met he was really thin. Then, over the course of about 2 years he gained about 50 lbs. If it were just the weight, there really wouldn't be a problem. But has gotten a promotion and he is walking around with this air of arrogance and I hate it. Like he thinks he's everyones boss (like his old co-workers) now and he really isn't. His attitude (there are other things not just the job situation) and his body has changed, and I'm not too happy....

okay look. I'm not looking for a reason to divorce him. If I want to divorce him I will. However, the reason why I'm asking this question is to get an opinion...like am I being too hard on him, things like that. If I wanted a divorce I would have worded the question differently.

sorry to keep adding details!

But with the job thing...I am the one that is doing the hard stuff! Like I help him plan his lessons, I proof read all this important stuff that needs to go to the boss, I help format his training guides...I do a lot of it. But he has this ridiculous attitude. I feel saying "Im the one doing most of your NEW JOB" But I can't....

Answer 1

People that tell you to divorce him don't take marriage seriously, which is one of the problems with the high divorce rate. Talk about it, tell him how you feel. Drop little hints about his attitude. I'm guessing his attitude is what made you look at the rest of him (the weight) and soon that was your main focus. Tell him that you miss the way he used to be before the promotion. Tell him you are proud of him for the promotion, but not thrilled with the new person he has become. Maybe he doens't realize how he comes across. Also talk to him about his health with the weight gain. Or maybe make it a joint effort to cut cholesterol or something so you aren't pointing a finger at him and making him feel bad about himself.

Answer 2

"For better or for worse... in good times and in bad." Sounds familiar, right?

Unfortunately, marriage is not always going to be fun and exciting. Sometimes, it's just plain hard work.

As far as his weight goes, encourage him to participate in fun outdoor activities with you. Take walks every evening, rent a paddle boat, kayak, or canoe at a lake and spend a few hours paddling around, buy bikes and check out some bike paths in your area. These activities will help him to lose weight, and they'll also give you two some more together time. If you spend more time together, you might find that he still is the guy you fell in love with. Perhaps all the bragging and bravado is really insecurity - if he gets reassurance that you still think he's wonderful, he might not feel the need to talk about how wonderful HE thinks he is.

Answer 3

Did you know most Guys look in the mirror only a few seconds if any at all? the problem with most people they seldom see themselves for who and what they really are.
the fact that you are with him everyday and you have no choice but to notice the changes, places you in a very awkward position from a marriage stand point. One you don't want to cause conflict and second when a spouse speaks we find that the truth hurts and sometimes it's hard to deal with.
on the other hand it places us in the best position to help others to see their faults and to allow them the opportunity to one change the fault or second at least know that other people have noticed a change and that from the outside point of view things are a mess.
Don't rest on your frustration and use it to help him.
people with a arrogance or attitude are sometimes better death with using the ole make it their Idea. little hints and suggestion towards the way they should go is often enough motivation for them to see the problem and grab the idea for their own. the bonus is your problems fix them self and if it fails your not to blame he he! I sure hope this helps sound like you need a Hug!!!!!!

Answer 4

The problem seems more with him than his appearance. Tell him what you've seen. He's arrogant, snotty etc. Just word it a little nicer, like for the last few months I notice a change in you ...blah blah blah. Let him know that it is effecting the way you feel about him and what can we do? Obviously if you tell him he's not physically attractive to you, he'll become offended and you will look like an ##$. You said yourself that it's other things so deal with those first. He will probablly become more attractive to you again once the other problems are dealt with. Sometimes we all need a reality check.

Answer 5

Well, my thing is tell him,but just in a respectable way that you don't think he's the it anymore. Tell him about how he acts. That he isn't the person that you used to love. Body shouldn't matter, it's his attitude. You got to make yourself happy and not concentrate on how he make you happy. No human being in the world has the power to make you happy. It's all inside of you. If you want to save your marriage tell him how you feel maybe he'll get it. But work on you. Get a hobby like reading or something and when he starts that arrogant crap, just read the book and ignore him he'll get the hint.

Answer 6

Tell him you don't really care for his arrogance or his attitude right now. Maybe he will listen and stop. As far as the weight gain, maybe you both could join a gym or exercise together and keep each other motivated and it might jump start some weight loss but really his weight gain shouldn't change how you feel about him. Nobody is perfect and we all have times when we gain or lose weight but his arrogant attitude is something that could damage your feelings for him. Talk to him.

Answer 7

Usually when someone "all of a sudden" starts acting arrogant like that it is because they are actually insecure with themselves, and his weight gain might be part of that.

Ask him what you can do to help him get back into "fighting shape".....getting exersize is very important and diet plays a major role in this too. What can YOU do to change his eating habits? You could start modifying what you buy, and what you cook.

Stand by your man on this one, I think if he lost the weight his whole attitude will change for the better- and he will love you all the more for your supporting this effort.

Answer 8

I know it will be a very difficult conversation but you need to share your feelings with your husband. I wouldn't say "you've gotten fat" but I would say "you've changed from the man I married and I don't like some of the changes I'm seeing" then give him a chance to ask what changes you don't like. Don't be mean but don't be a coward either - just say how you feel. Guys aren't quite as sensitive about their weight as we women are.

Something else you can do is get on a health kick yourself and subtly get him to join you! You don't have to say "hey - you're a fat butt" but you can encourage him to exercise with you and you can change the food you keep at home or cook at home. Start talking about how the both of you need to eat alot healthier. Buy a Men's Health magazine and put it in the bathroom. When he sees those muscley men, maybe he'll get a hint. :)

Answer 9

One of the biggest problems in marriage today is the issue of lack of communication. If our partners do something that bothers us and we don't tell them, then it's not really fair to blame them for continuing to do it. Have you had a sit-down talk with your husband and discussed how his attitude bothers you? Maybe he's just really proud of his promotion and is over-reacting to it.
As for the weight issue...did you marry the man, or who the man looked like? If you were in love with his personality and his heart, a few pounds or 50 wouldn't matter unless it negatively affected his health. If you married an image, then having that image destroyed or altered will change your feelings. Put yourself on the other side. If something happened to you and you were the one who gained weight, how would you feel if his feelings changed about you? Do you think he fell in love with you, or with how you look?
~shrug~

Answer 10

the most beautiful person in the world can be ugly if they have an ugly attitude. i have seen from 1st hand experience. you mentioned the weight a couple times. did it bother you as much before as it does now that his attitude has changed? talk with your husband and tell him the truth before it is too late. problems like this that go unspoken are the reason for divorce. talking could make a world of difference.