I just emailed and told my husband "I can not be with someone that does not love me"?

Question

If you were him what would your impression be and how would you react? Lately I just do not feel loved by him at all and even though I have mentioned it to him nothing is seeming to change.

Part of what made me say it is last night while we were in bed I took off my shirt and was rubbing up against him. I was trying to get his attention and he goes "yeah, i see them" and then just kept ignoring me...then i turned around and put my shirt back on and said for him to leave me alone, he said "what do you expect me to do when we do not have any condoms" i turned over and went to sleep, i have been mad ever since

I have tried to talk to him about this numerous times and he always says he will try and never does. That is usually as far as it goes.

He just emailed back and in a few words told me why does it always have to be about me. It is never about me, always, always about him, I stay at home 24-7 with our children while he works two jobs and he comes home and does not even say hi to me, ugh!

Answer 1

I'm not sure how he would react, but if he really cares I would think it would open up his eyes a bit more.
Has their been a big change with his work or maybe a change in the family? Sometimes when they have a lot going on or stressed out about something, they kind of withdraw into themselves until they figure out a solution, so it may not have anything to do with you. Talk to him and find out if something is bothering him.
All marriages have bumps in the road here and there, and it takes some time to get through them. If he just started acting like this, then talk and work through it. If it's been going on for quite some time, then you have to be true to yourselves.
Sorry you are feeling this way...email me if you need to talk.

Answer 2

You don't provide nearly enough information to answer this question. For all we know, your husband DOES love you and you are just being paranoid or are looking for excuses to dump him for another guy. I don't mean to indicate that this is the case, though, but just that unless we know more about your husband and how he is, it is hard to say how we would react if we were him. If my wife sent me an email saying that today, I'd be shocked, because it simply is not true. I would be furious... but it is my circumstances that make it so I would feel that way.

In any case, have you tried marriage counseling? If you want any chance of making this work, then that is your next step. Make the appointment, then tell your husband how you feel. Ask him to go with you, and if he will not go, then go yourself. Often if you just go, your spouse will come afterall, fearing you will be talking about them behind their back or will leave them. Marriage counseling will help you identify the problems, and find constructive solutions. Odds are your problems are a two-way street. Give it a try. If that doesn't work, then it may be time to call an attorney and find out what your options are.

Good luck!

Answer 3

If last night made you that mad it really shouldn't have because he was being responsible about using condoms. You felt rejected and its no fun. But try to overlook that he was being a good guy I think. If there are other reasons then instead of emailing I would sit and really talk to him about your feelings. Its too easy not to face a problem and maybe he just deleted it.

Answer 4

So, because you're husband doesn't "service" you, now he doesn't love you? Just from what you wrote, it sounds like your expectations are so high that your husband can't possibly measure up, and when he does not, you take that as a sign that he doesn't care.
A marriage is accepting your spouse for who he is. If your husband doesn't express himself in the way you "recognize" as love, then learn the way he expresses it.
You say "lately" you haven't felt loved, so it sounds like a new development, not the way the entire marriage has gone. If so, then try to figure out WHY your husband's behavior has changed, instead of just assuming he doesn't love you.

Answer 5

Well, I'd say that telling him something like that in email is pretty lame. If you're having problems with your husband not showing you affection, try talking to him like an adult. If you're having problems getting him to notice you sexually, try flipping roles and getting aggressive with him.

A lot of problems in marriages stem from two people being so close to one another that they forget to communicate. We take for granted that our gf/husband/wife/etc knows exactly what we want, but they're just not giving it to us because they're mad, or they're mean, or they just don't love us anymore. When in reality, they're just people who are confused/tired/etc. Just be sweet to him, and he'll probably be sweet to you.

Answer 6

If you're having to email a message like that then there are obvious communication problems between you two.That said I would think he would take some immediate action to get one on one with you to get things back on track.If there's no response from him, it's time to pack your bags and move on.Sometimes being loved by someone who can't show it is as bad as being with someone who no longer loves you.

Answer 7

It's good that you are telling him - he can't change if he doesn't know how you feel. But don't do this over e-mail. These are serious conversations that require you both to be there, no distractions.

Ideally, this will get you both talking to each other about how to save your marriage.

Answer 8

I would go home and pack your crap and leave it on the front porch and change all the locks. If you couldn't tell me in person, then you deserve being left out in the cold.

Answer 9

That should get his attention, to start a conversation at least. If he cares about your marriage, he will want to talk about this.I hope that something good becomes of this for you.

Answer 10

If I didn't love you then I would see this as my chance to leave, but if I did love you then, I would make a change quickly.