Why am I such a jealous person?

Question

Ever since I can remember I’ve been a jealous person, what’s wrong with me? It's mainly of other people's achievements, don't get me wrong I am happy for them and don't show I’m jealous but underneath I am. It really gets on my nerves if people go on and on about their achievements, even though I know I’m worse because I go on about stuff when I’m excited. I'm not a bad person but I’d really like to change this part of my personality, I think it could be linked to the fact I can be overly sensitive and take things very seriously sometimes, I put on a front of laughing along but underneath I’m fuming, I get angry easily although, hide it from people I’m not close too and upset easily as well, I worry about what people think of me.

For example, today a colleague at work passed her driving test first time, I passed mine second so it’s not a major deal because I’ve been driving two months but I just know she’s going to be going on about it because she passed first time, I am happy for her but also jealous because she did better than me. I can be quite competitive sometimes. How can I change this for the better? Do you all think I’m a bad person or just normal? I want to be more laid back!! Rationally, I know I’m being stupid but I can’t seem to stop these feelings. Everyone always says to me your such a lovely person but I'm not feeling that way about myself right now.

Answer 1

One of the key ways to change something is to first acknowledge it and it seems you have done this and that you are able to not let your inner thoughts affect others (if they say you are a lovely person).
Reacting to other people's words is only natural, what you need to decide is how you are going to react. You seem to have both positive and negative reactions all mixed together in your response to the driving test. How about ordering them so that your first reaction might be annoyed that she passed first time but then a reminder that whether it was first or second time you have the same achievemnet (ie you have passed too- fact) and then add a reason why you are pleased for her and tell her.
Try over time time to not dwell on the first negative reaction (ackowledge it but then move on) and spend more time thinking about the second two positive reactions (this will help to subconciously change how you naturally react in the future).

Points to remember -
1. it will take time
2. keep doing it however strong you initial negative re-action seems to be.
3. perhaps she was annoyed that you passed before her - ie from her point of view you were the one with the greater achievement
4 Lives experinces can be used positivily eg you are now if a good position to cheer somebody up who fails first time and talk to them about how you felt but how you kept going and passed second time
5 and finally - failing that first time might have mended a driving fault which has stopped you being in a serious accident we don't always know what good has come from something that initially seems bad.

Answer 2

Is it possible that your parents did not praise you enough on your achievements? Or were overly critical? Is it possible you felt they favored a sibling, or a cousin over your achievements.

I know I am the same way. and believe it stems from that in my case. But admitting a fault in yourself is half the battle. I believe you when you say you are happy for them even though you say you feel jealous. I believe the word is envious, not jealousy.

Don't beat yourself up about it. You are handling it well, and the more you work on it the more you will get over it eventually. You know rationally it is wrong, but emotionally it's upsetting. We all have our faults, no one is perfect.

You do have a great attribute which is being honest with yourself. You are very lucky to have it in your personality.

Just think about it, there might be someone out there that is jealous, or envious of you???

Answer 3

Maybe you should focus on being happy for her instead of reflecting within yourself and feeling deficient. I thank God I never had this problem and I cannot stand Jealous people. I had nothing in life and made myself. I dont know how the hell I did it but I know one thing i was never jealous of other who had more. I simply looked at them as role models and people who where showing me it could be done. I guess thats also why when I played sports and we had a captain I looked up to him and tried my best to emulate him, I eventually was voted captain of my team. I would not say your a bad person but jealousy is poisen, I had to lose a few friends who where this way, they are scary to me. One even back stabbed me. Learn to love yourself and you wont be jealous of anyone, realize you have as much as anyone in this life and you wont be jealous. Thats how I always felt, I have everything I need and trust me if you heard my story youd say holy **** but somehow someway I had a normal mind

Answer 4

Yes, you really need to stop thinking of yourself as the centre of the entire world, you seem like you do not acknowledge the efforts of other people, and rather than looking up to them or learning from them, you sit and pout. Well, pouting is not going to get you very far, and not going to work all of the time. I mean, I know it works for some people, but I am not one of those people. I have to work for what I have and earn what I have earned, and I owe no one anything for any of my accomplishments. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is called being a responsible adult, which if you're just learning to drive, means you don't have much time before the world will expect you to know how to be one, even if you're not.

Answer 5

It is probably linked to low self-esteem, so it would be useful for you to look back over your life and try and understand why you may have low self-esteem.

What you are feeling is quite normal - for people to be a little bit jealous of other people's achievements, but it does appear to be accentuated in your case.

A key factor in your favour is that you are aware of the problem and want to change it. It may just be that if you persevere with this willingness and desire to change, it will eventually happen - it is unlikely that there is a nice 'n' easy quick fix.

Answer 6

seems to me your young and have always felt or competed with others,
and yes you do seem to be somewhat emotional,
here is what i believe might help you,
try to get your emotions under control and then talk with a professional about them if they still bother u,
or your could try to do more with what you consider yourself to be your imperfections,
sometimes people see others better or smarter because they lack in there own self confidence and feel they do not try hard enough,
one day stand in front of your mirror and take a long look at you and what u want in life,
then go for that and don't look at what others have only what you are working towards, maybe it just your unsettling lack of insight and indecision about what u really want!
so some have a tendency of looking at what others have and say I wish I had that
it's not jealousy
it's a lack of your own choices and determination within your own life.

Answer 7

Sorry but you really need to get over yourself - why can't you be pleased for others achievements !!!

I'm not sure how you would change it really, look at your achievements and accomplishments more oftern, maybe you don'[t feel people make a fuss when you accomplish something.

Could be more that you are unsure about yourself bit of low self esteem or just plain spoilt ! however maybe the change will be natural now you are aware of this little slight charachter flaw.

Answer 8

You both can drive NO? so who care? you are insecure, why do you need to compare your life with others? Everyone is different.

Answer 9

jealousy comes from insecurity
if you work on your slf confidnce and register you abilities you will find the jealousy disappears

Answer 10

maybe its stems from you being a bit insecure?
even though it sounds like you are successful.