why am i so desperate to please everybody?something wrong with my self-esteem.what to do?????

Question

i wanna be able to say "I DONT CARE",or "the hell with it" and really mean and FEEL it

Answer 1

Because in the childhood it's possible that your parents don't gave to you the attention that you need it!
And you always try to please the others because you are scared they don't accept you, they don't be your friends if you refuse them!

But you don't have to please everyone!

You are a dependent person, you want love but believe me!don't let the others drag profits on that, try to see that you are a power full person, you can do it your self!
I'm pretty sure that you can make it!

Answer 2

Being a "people pleaser" has been, & is one of my biggest downfalls. In fact, I've been terribly upset this morning because I have been working so, so hard 2 do something good 4 someone I love, & it has backfired in my face. The saying, "not a good deed goes unpunished", 4 me is true. It's not your self-esteem. You're just a nice person who keeps getting hurt, like me.

Answer 3

Just think of them as monkeys, it's much easier then. Don't go getting delusional with spirituality, they'll just fill your head with more crap and fears.
Why not try doing something productive for yourself?
Something that will give you some self worth so you wont require to look for it from others.
For example take up a sport, get into Chinese medicine, photography, what ever blows your trumpet.

Answer 4

that was me a looonng time ago. I didn't believe that I had any value to my own mother, let alone the community. God (as he is known by some) taught me the truth of my worth and I have to believe that if he sent my brother to die for ME, I must be a pretty special Daddy's girl. If I can do it so can you. I'll shine a light so you can find your way.

Answer 5

It's okay to care about other people and help those in need but when you're "desperate" to please them, then you do have a self-esteem problem. Instead of looking at it as "I want to be able to say 'I don't care'", why don't you look at it as "I want to please me first" or "I am going to be a great friend to me first". If say a friend is asking you to go out with her one night and you'd rather stay home and do absolutely nothing. Instead of going out, stay home! Learn to say no without feeling guilty or feeling like they will not like you. You will see that people will still like you. But importantly, learn to like yourself. Good luck. I used to be just like you but I really learned the hard way that trying to please everyone hurts no one but yourself and you will begin to lose who you really are.

Answer 6

Yeah, it is difficult to not care, but it is a good thing that you do. You just need to learn to set perameters. You are only one person and can only do so much. Learn how to say no, it is okay to do so in order to keep your sanity.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

...then keep it up for another, say, 10 or 20 years.

You may be willing to do what it takes to become a stronger person when you feel the repercussions, that is, when:

-you realize that a host of people in your personal and professional life know that they can use and abuse you in any way they like

-you realize that your entire family, even your children, are taking advantage of your irrational need to please them

-you realize that they know you will take it because your aim is to please (so you probably don't complain when you should about being treated badly)

-you realize that you may receive more work assignments than others who receive equal or greater pay, simply because you are so eager to please and have handed yourself over as a doormat

-you get screwed over at work in a major, major way, that is, (and heaven forbid it ever happens to you), that someone at your place of employment targets you for psychological harassment because they know you aim to please and don`t like trouble and that you would be unlikely to report it.

THAT DID IT FOR ME.

I can honestly say that I don't give *** ONE what anybody thinks about anything anymore.
I have as much rights as others and I am under no obligation to please the Universe. I no longer feel any obligation to please a higher power either. I am still an extremely kind, compassionate person who admires others who display these characteristics, BUT

the pleasing everyone else at my own expense is over for good. Feels kinda strange at first,

but WHEN you FEEL THE STING of being mistreated for being a people-pleaser, (for never complaining, for priding yourself - imagine that - actually priding yourself on how much you can take, but then begin to ask yourself why you are NEVER treated as you treat others, why your kindness and willingness to help everyone is NEVER reciprocated)

you become very aware of everything that you do and say before you do or say it. You weigh your decisions more carefully and YOU LEARN TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST.

Of course it (people-pleasing activity) is related to self-esteem. Were you abused as a child? Did you learn early on that being the "nice" one would keep you safe? at home? at school? Well, it may? have worked then, but in adulthood it is a foul curse.

The true sign of maturity is the ability to respect oneself as much as you respect others, and the willingness to love and accept yourself and to be true to your own needs. Every well-adjusted adult is supposed to be able to do that. Those whom you aim to please should be able to do that for themselves.

This is a Major Life Lesson. Do not feel bad if you are not able to alter your behavior at this time. **Life will present you with enough excrutiatingly painful experiences as a result of your actions.**

ONE WILL KNOCK YOU ON YOUR keister and perhaps then, and only then will you be ready, able and prepared to take the steps necessary to cease the people-pleasing behavior. Seek counselling if you're ready for it.

***Best of luck sincerely***, and be very good to yourself. If you get the idea in your head to do something nice for someone (who has probably never done much for you), do it for yourself instead. Self-love and appreciation becomes a habit. You will still be a good person, but no longer a door mat. The quality of your life will improve. People will sense the shift in your self-concept and their behavior towards you will change, but you might not care about them that much by that time (yahoo!).

You can do it.
If **I**
had the power to change myself in this regard, you most certainly can as well.

Answer 9

You will eventually, when your life comes crashing down around you because of all the people you are trying to keep happy at one time.
You could try drinking, seems to work for me.

Answer 10

Practice meditation and Yoga.