I've been married for 27yrs, have 3 kids..my spouse is into drugs to the point where he's been unemployed for 4 years. I'm too sick to work and waiting on soc.sec. we had to sell our home to survive. he started selling drugs when I found out I told him that he either stopped doing and selling drugs or he was out of the house. He refused to do both, stated he doesn't have money to move anywhere..his friends have offered to take him in. He's out all hours of the night..I also found female names in his cell he told me that he sells to them..I don't believe him. I've left a couple of times over the past few years hoping he will wise up and stop using. My kids have taken my side and don't really talk to him. He stays in the cellar getting high all day and night. He refuses therapy..I would rather that he straighten his act up and get back to a normal family life. We had a huge fight today I don't want to throw 27 yrs of marriage down the drain but what other options do I have?
2007-07-19 01:40:21 · 26 answers · asked by grammy ss 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's no longer the man you married. He doesn't seem willing or ready to give up his lifestyle, even for you. Please find a way to leave him; what he's doing is illegal, and he's hanging out with undesirables.
2007-07-19 01:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by justme 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
OMG honey....how can you continue to allow his to even be NEAR your children? Take is from someone who grew up with an alcoholic father then moved on to dating alcoholic/drug addict men.... you are enabling him to continue staying in that basement and get high all day. Im sure you love him or you would have gotten rid of him one way or another a LONG time ago... but you're gonna have to start using "Tough Love" if you ever want to see HIM change and to change your life as well. Its not a question of throwing the marriage away (although I cant imagine what KIND of marriage that is anyway) Its deciding for yourself that you dont want to live like that anymore. TOO FREAKING bad he doesnt have money to move anywhere.... what about the money he spends on drugs? When you give an untimatum you have to be resigned to STICK to it.... not tell him to stop or he has to leave... then just let him continue. For your OWN sake, get him the hell out of there!! I know its hard when you love someone to be tough but in the end.... its for the best of ALL involved.
2007-07-19 08:58:26 · answer #2 · answered by apleasureable14u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are trying to save something that isn't worth saving. I hope you understand that if he's selling out of your home, you could possibly be charged. What I don't understand is why you want your kids to live in this situation? What is the lesson you are teaching them? Getting him out of the home is the best way to protect you and the kids. When he's on his own, maybe he will realize what he's given up for drugs and get the help he needs. He may be making money now but what is he going to be making if he's in jail? Let him loose, get you and your kids away from the drugs. Your husband could bring a whole mess of trouble into your home and could put you and the kids in serious trouble, even physical danger. All it would take is for him to mess with the wrong people!! Kick him out!!!
2007-07-19 08:57:21 · answer #3 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
call the police, or DARE unit, have him arrested for dealing. Then he has enough money to move, maybe he'll get treatment.
Fall back on your kids for help.
He hasn't been in the relationship for 4 years. Seems like he isn't brining in money, and you are supporting you and him. This way you are supporting you.
Face the fact that his addiction wrecked it, move on.
He's using you, period, end of story.
Realize if he is dealing, dealers often get robbed by people with guns, because the victim dealer can't call the police for help. Don't become a statistic. Make an anonymous phone call, act surprised when they show up, like you don't know anything.
Good luck.
2007-07-19 08:47:22 · answer #4 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not what YOU can do. Addictions are called that for a reason whether it is drugs or alcohol. The only thing YOU can do is make decisions for yourself and your family. You have given him the options that you can live with and he has made his decision, which is to continue to be addicted and not even try to change. You have to take care of yourself and your kids and that means getting out of that environment whether it means that you move, or he moves, but sometimes no matter how much you love someone and want it to work, you can't MAKE it work.
2007-07-19 08:52:51 · answer #5 · answered by hisbaby1967 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say that your marriage is already down the tubes. When you start getting benefits, you should move. Maybe one of your children will take you in for a while. It's not going to get any better. You've wasted, at least the last 4 years on this man, why waste any more? I can understand that you share a past, but that doesn't mean you should give up your future.
2007-07-19 08:46:19 · answer #6 · answered by ╚╔╩╦ 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He has already thrown the 27 years you spent together away. I know it is hard, but you have children to consider. Do you truly want them around such things?
You say you have left him a few times over the past few years in the hopes he will stop using... now you need to make it permenant. He does not deserve you.
2007-07-19 08:54:59 · answer #7 · answered by Victoria H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU HAVE NO OTHER OPTIONS BUT TO KICK HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE.HE DOES NOT WANT TO GET HELP AND MEANWHILE LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE PUTTING YOU AND YOUR KIDS THRU. I KNOW YOU DO NOT WANT TO THROW AWAY 27YRS. OF MARRIAGE BUT ARE YOU GOING TO SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR HIM TO SELL EVERYTHING IN YOUR HOUSE SO HE CAN GET A HIT,OR BETTER YET BRING YOU A DOSE OF HIV. KICK HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE,CHANGE THE LOCKS ON THE DOOR AND STICK TO IT. EVEN IF HE TELLS YOU THAT HE WILL NOT DO DRUGS AGAIN, DON'T TRUST HIM,HE IS JUST TRYING TO GET BACK INTO THE HOUSE,HE NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP AND ONCE HE GET THE HELP HE NEEDS THEN YOU CAN CONSIDER STICKING BY HIS SIDE. GOODLUCK.
2007-07-19 09:07:19 · answer #8 · answered by Slim&Sexy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He already has thrown the 27 years marrige down the drain.
You can't straighten him up, he can only do that himself, if he wants to.
My opinion is he doesn't deserve you and the kids.
It is easy for an outsider to judge and make the decision on what you should do. However it is down to you to do what you feel you have do.
You may want to try and speak to local voluntering group and seek advice. Take care
2007-07-19 08:53:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is responsible for his actions and doesn't care what you think. You have to take care of yourself and your kids, although they're probably old enough now to care for themselves. Do what you have to do and get away from him. You don't have to give up on him, but you need to live your own life apart from him before you lose even more. You can't force him to get clean and get help unless you wanted to take the drastic measure of involving the police, having him arrested and put into a place where he can get help. But he has to want help, and it doesn't sound like he does. Good luck to you.
2007-07-19 08:49:20 · answer #10 · answered by LadyG 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not leave a marriage that really does not exist anymore! #1 look out for yourself and your children #2take care of everything else #3 if #2 conflicts with #1 see #1
2007-07-19 08:48:22 · answer #11 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋