I've been married for two years. My husband and I love each other very much and we have a great relationship where if we someone who is cute we can tell the other without getting jealous. My husband recently told me that I could sleep with one other person or invite them to have a threesome. Kinda tooken back, I feel that this could be a test. Or isn't it?
2007-07-18 22:03:33 · 24 answers · asked by Ashley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wtf. Thats so hilarious!!!! God. Lol, your telling me you actually believed him....?
Everyone has jealousy you know sometimes.
2007-07-18 22:06:56 · answer #1 · answered by :) 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I don't know, is it a test? Only your husband knows that, and you need to sit him down and ask him, actually talk about it. He may be serious. Many men (and women) have group sex fantasies, and many men (and women) are turned-on by their spouse having good sex with someone else. It's live porn staring their favorite pornstar.
Both my wife and I love to see each other having sex with others. It's a huge turn-on for us both. Knowing each other is having a great time is hugely satisfying for us. I think many swingers would tell you the same thing. Swinging is not just for the individuals in the relationship, it's for the couple.
When swinging is entered into for the right reasons, with the right people, it has nothing but positive effects on the relationship. The right reasons it that it is BOTH of your fantasy, not just one of yours and the other is going along with it. The right people are those that can separate love and sex and know that they are not the same thing - that you can have good sex with someone you don't love and it doesn't detract from the great sex you have with the person you do. The idea of your partner having a great time with someone else is as big a turn-on as the idea of you having a great time with someone else.
Back to your question, though - "Is it okay to sleep with another person if your spouse says it is?"
I say "yes". Unlike what some narrow-minded, opinionated answerers have said here, consensual non-monogamy is not "cheating" and it does not mean he doesn't love or respect you. Cheating is personal gain through the deception of someone else. If it is an agreed upon activity than there is no deception and thus it is not "cheating".
Most of these people are speaking from personal fears and biases, not from personal, positive experiences (most are also young and don't even know themselves yet, much less about things greater then themselves in life). They can say things like "why would you want anybody else besides your spouse?" These people have bought into the fairytale aspect of marriage and don't recognize and accept reality. They think that when you get married everyone in the world all of a sudden becomes unattractive. They think that love = jealousy, the idea that if you love someone you should be jealous over them.
Truth be told it should be the opposite because this is the person you should trust the most in your life. Jealousy is nothing but personal insecurity. The fear that someone else will be preferred over you by your partner. By preventing your partner the ability to live and to experience, you protect yourself under the guise of protecting them from others.
Ultimately it's how you feel about it. I'm not saying everyone should swing. It's how you feel about sex and love and if they are the same thing or not. It's how you and your husband relate to each other.
Your life is what you make of it, not others. They are wanting you to live their life because what you are proposing is outside their comfort zone, and since they don't do it nobody should.
Well, life doesn't work that way. There are as many ways to live as there are people, and no one way is right for everyone. It's just hard for some to accept that.
For some really good, objective information (which you don't always get here) check-out The Swingers Board forums (link below).
2007-07-19 09:06:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I look at is that if he says that to you about sleeping with someone and you do then that opens the door for him to sleep with someone even out of jealousy. But the catch is the threesome part. He should of just suggested having a threesome because that even threw me off saying that you can sleep with someone else. Maybe that was his way of wanting to have a threesome. If so your both lucky. Is it a test? Not really sure, but you can always surprise him with one but I would go for a female first because he might not know the man and since he loves you he might not want to share you with another man yet. Or just say I will have a threesome if you want to. Either way it seems like your in a healthy relationship especially because you love each other very much. Good for you.
2007-07-18 22:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by Dan 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is okay if he says it's okay, and if you both feel that it won't hurt the relationship. You both sound very open, and honest with each other. It seems that your husband trusts you and loves you enough that he won't get selfish, and wants you to be happy. This is a new age where a wife or husband is not property, but has wants, needs, and is full of human nature. Cheating is when it is behind the back, nothing is wrong with doing something if you both agree, and are comfortable with it. Talk to him about it, and see why he offered and what he expects.
The thing is, you might end up hurting your relationship, hurting him or hurting yourself. If you have any doubts, or if he has any doubts, don't do it. It's not worth the risk.
This is your choice and something that you need to discuss in length with him. No one here has the answer, because it is a very personal subject. Some people are bound by their beliefs as well.
2007-07-18 22:15:20 · answer #4 · answered by mathaowny 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's probably been pondering the idea of watchin you with another guy or better yet taking turns on you with another guy. Me and my GF had a similar Exp. However, we resolved with finding what we are really open minded about. Lots of heart to heart and opening the floor without any reciprocation. We enjoy it both ways another woman..or another man. She's ok with it, I am ok with it. I will say our relationship has gotten stronger because we share a very tight bond. You must have a strong relationship before you consider all of this. Give the guy a chance, ask him what he wants then go from there.
2007-07-20 08:06:26 · answer #5 · answered by It's me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bringing an extra person into a relationship is a big deal.
You and your husband need to discuss this, at great length, and more than once.
If you are both okay with it, then you both need to lay down the ground rules, find someone who is willing and both you and your husband accept.
Make sure this individual is STD free, and use birth control.
2007-07-18 22:07:24 · answer #6 · answered by Alison P 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I will not do it even if he agrees. You mention threesome. Maybe he wants to do it or already at it. So be careful. Bringing someone else into your marriage is like leaving a burning candle on a pool of kerosene.
2007-07-18 22:12:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would'nt do it! Trust is a key part of a meaningful relationship that you have with another person! Years down the road if you are still with this person I can Guarantee that they will remember the infidelity in the relationship! Stay SAFE and be exclusive to each other!
2007-07-18 22:08:10 · answer #8 · answered by jthansen2275 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It doesn't really matter if it's a test or if he was being sincere. Is it worth destroying your marriage over? Because that is what will happen no matter what he says now. Someone will get jealous, hurt, and pushed out of the picture.
2007-07-18 22:07:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
From a man perspective if it was a test he would probally send one of his buddys to test you are he would ask you have you ever wonder of having a threesome , so i dont think its a test or maybe i could be wrong.
2007-07-18 22:08:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you seriously love each other, neither of you would want to sleep with anyone else... at all. Sounds like maybe he wants to justify an affair or something. Doesn't sound like a marriage taken very seriously.
2007-07-18 22:15:51 · answer #11 · answered by νí®τǘø§ ωǿмåņ 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋