Can you feel the pain, touch the heart ?

Question

THINE HEART SPEAKETH

Thou comest unto thine heart; thine dove.
speaketh unforsaken words; comest love.
Thine eyes cast unto thee thine soul.
Bestowed tis ; thy glow; knowest thine goal.

Cometh afar; thine giveth thine all.
Unto thine soul; na beget pains call.
Pleasure hast na comfort; cast forth.
Bringeth unto ye; na cold frometh north.

Cast na dark shadows upon thine heart.
Burneth thine soul, burneth thine heart.
Bringeth unto ye thou blessed soul.
Tis na thou comfort, thou only goal?
Giveth comfort, tis thin presents tis ye.
Speaketh not shallow speech; blessed me.
Taketh na spoken words; brighteth light.
Dark thine lonely heart; ye maketh bright.

Showeth na hate, hateth na thou brother.
Bestowed unto thee; warmth thy mother.
Unto thine heart speaketh; forsaken trust.
Cast thou heart upon thine body; na rust.

Forsaken not; thine soul giveth love.
Na spoken unto thee; words transend above

copywritten : 2004

Answer 1

INNA GADDA DA VIDDA HONEY....DONT YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU.

Answer 2

It is difficult to truly mimic the voice and tone of an archaic time, especially so when the phrasing has no current frame of reference. Unless you are deliberately attempting to write a poem "as if written back then", you should avoid this type of work, or risk sounding like a Quaker. I'm not trying to be mean, I had the same kind of reply to a poem I wrote about 10 years ago when I was trying to mimic the voice, pattern, form and style of an earlier time. I thought the critic at the time cold-hearted and jealous of my attempt...but actually, he was trying to do me a favor. We write poetry to communicate to our "current" listeners, and unless they move in renaissance circles, we need to write so people clearly understand our message without the aid of a stylized device.

So, I hear your attempt and recognize an ear that could do well with contemporary phrasing and vocabulary, so I encourage you to move in that direction. Your poem was not bad, but such a work will draw far more scrutiny than it deserves and thus take away from the message you are trying to convey.

Keep writing

Answer 3

hold on i need to clean the spit from the screen from the lisp i have just aquired. first off shakespeare, it reads like a story not a poem. structure is horrible, subject is fair, readabilty is garbage, i've read shakespeare and i think you used thine more times then he did his entire career in one poem. there's just no flow nor sense to the writing. sticking and -est and -eth and -ths at the end of words does not make you a 16th century poet. learn the linguistics of that time period before you send this distruction upon us. do thoust gettest my messagest!! try again.

Answer 4

Oh what a powerful response to a heartfelt pain. See i love these kind of poems, other poems that speak of pain seem so... futile. Such weakness in their words, while your's are fruitful and full of sense. Thank you for sharing that, how inspirational!

Answer 5

Turtledove, all wise brothers know loose, free blood
ain't lazy, ain't still

Always got to be congealing, trying to bond to build pyramids or maybe out of fear

I imagine under microscopes they're lots of tiny waves
rushing to crash together

Willing, giving the great sucker life another chance

Answer 6

Excuse me, but I had 2 wipe my eyes before I could try 2 answer this question.......YESSSSSSSSS I felt the pain as tho it was mine (thank u 4 sharing) I Love u boo

Answer 7

Yes.

Yes I can.

Feel the pain, touch the heart.

Yes.

Answer 8

not an easy read, poems should flow straight into the head

Answer 9

i loved that....thnx mr G =D that was really gd tho not my type of poem..bu t i loved it