You held my hand,
And helped me to stand,
When I thought I was through,
You did that,
I said this,
Screams blew threw walls,
But the moment I called,
You were there to make sure I didnt fall,
You remember all the days,
Good and bad,
Strong and sad,
Even when you made me mad,
You still keep me glad,
Wrong and right,
Love and hate,
Throughout those fights,
We still see eye to eye,
We can never say goodbye,
The universe could fall from space,
Gravity could come unlaced,
We could even fall out of grace,
Time and space,
Could give us age,
In the end,
We're always friends,
Youre the one I stay awake with at night,
And tell about the guy I met and how mom and I got in a fight,
In the end your the one whos side Im by,
Because we're sisters in the end.
2007-07-18 18:43:34 · 10 answers · asked by Sh00ting_St@r! 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
This was something I wrote for my sister Rosemary. She was my inspiration Im srry Wendy but I wrote it before I even knew you. But if u want it can be for u too. Its a dedication to sisters everywhere cause this is my perspective on thier relationship!
2007-07-18 18:46:29 · update #1
wow. i really like it! keep writing!!! you just keep crakin them out! lol :D
i like how you emphasized how no matter wat happens, you'll still hav each other. but no, you went out to be original and talked how if the universe could fall from space and gravity could come unlaced. VEDY VEDY GOOOOOD!!! ;)
2007-07-19 07:25:46 · answer #1 · answered by writer_2b 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This poem actually has potential. Since it has some good short rhymes, you might be able to combine them into lines with similar beats so that the rhymes bounce off each other, like "fall from space, come unlaced, fall from grace, time and space"...then break into the longer phrases. Just something to think about.
This would be a beat-poet's piece where you could accent the rhymed words and pace your phrases so they bounced...not bad, not bad at all.
2007-07-24 16:20:21 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I love the imagery of the lines :
"The universe could fall from space,
Gravity could come unlaced"
a beautiful theme, the beginning is a little hazy, but overall an honest portrayal of the bond of sister/friends
2007-07-18 18:51:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good words, but could be a little softer. Some parts are a little rough around the edges. Keep writing, the more you write, your thoughts and emotions will take over your hand and, at just the right moment you will reach into you soul and make each word speak in a more softer, emotional tone. But all in all, pretty good.
2007-07-18 20:23:38 · answer #4 · answered by Rennis Garigin G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A very nice poem. The form and spelling is a bit awkward, but they're compensated for by a strong generalization in the second part and smart return to reality. But the title misleads to my mind. "We're sisters in the end" would be better.
Good luck to you.
2007-07-18 19:07:16 · answer #5 · answered by Victor S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nicee
2016-04-01 01:17:18 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't know if you want opinions, but the rhyme scheme is a little confusing.
2007-07-18 18:55:51 · answer #7 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur such an interesting person...i love poems too...i could write a hundred love poems in a week...
2007-07-19 03:07:15 · answer #8 · answered by pazaway16 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really like this poem and its ok if its not to me cause now I have to write Lizz one about her being the big sis. Lets see wat I come up with.
2007-07-19 03:33:10 · answer #9 · answered by Argent 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was really cute...
2007-07-19 02:37:51 · answer #10 · answered by LizzWeasley 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋