Seriously asking, can someone tell me if I am a "------path"... without me having to solve those dumb tests?

Question

I have these random ideas...They're not feelings of wanting to harm people. They are just creative ways of killing people.
A problem can arise and I can come up with a quickfix without having to sit and think about it. At work, its this same automatic thinking, that makes me good at what i do.

Another part of me believes that the world would be better off without humans. I do believe that most people are good, but the bad ones, both publically known and those in my family just do whatever they want for their own gain. This has completely made me disillusioned with life, has made me a bitter person, and makes me distrust every single person...making me even more bitter cause I blame them for my condition and giving me a "what's the use, you'll just get screwed over" attitude. I have always been the pollyanna type, who lived, behaved, and achieved for my family (parents & relatives)...

The recent death of my nephew & the fact that some evil people still live, just keeps me in bitter mode and a pessimist. I can't stand being around people cause I can care less what they do, even though if someone was trouble, I would risk my life to save them. I feel comfort in the fact that suicide is an option, and one thing I am 100% in control of. Like many, I also feel that bringing in someone into this world is just subjecting them to suffering...although I envy those who are poor but are happy and feel they have everything they need. I tend to withold any anger, but at the same time i have a lot of patience. Anyways, as far as the having unsolicited thoughts of "cool" ways to kill people or of being killed. I saw a mother with one of those front papoose things and imagined a "what if" scenario where a guy does the slit troat thing from behind, but on both of them. Im fan of horror movies and judge them by the methods of killing (a la Friday the 13th). Can someone categorize me?

I dumb tests i speak of are all those "You at a wedding and you want to see the groom...blah blah blah." Cant they just itemize it like profilers do when talkingabout serial killers?

Im basically Michael Douglas in Falling Down, but im more pissed off because not only is the world full of bad people, there are alot in my own family. Because of this, i am now an absurdist. I've only learned of this term recently, and have been an atheist up till now. Since I never known of absurdism, I just thought I was so messed up that there isn't even a term for it.

About the pollyanna thing, I was raised as well as the majority of us with society teaching us that if you do good, behave yourself, and eat your veggies, then you are "guaranteed" success or whatever. I have a father who was in the military and had a "real world/wake up" attitude whenever I woud ask for advice. That kinda made me into a pessimist.

Another thing I like is watching documentaries about drug addics, homeless people, anything to remind me that there are others wost off than me. Its sad that I have to do this to make me feel better about myself. But I don't enjoy it as far as a "lets laugh at all the freaks"

Answer 1

The "good news" is, you are asking a question. That indicates you are not completely closed minded.
The "bad news" is, you have a victim mentality. You will not have much success changing anything until you recognize that you are the creator of your own life.
If I understand what you are saying, you see family members doing what they want for their own gain(which makes their live better) and you are disallusioned by this. Your first responsibilty in life is to take care of yourself. Once you do this, you are then in a position to help others. There is no glory in being the pollyana type, as you say, if you are not taking care of yourself.
You may not be classified as a sociopath yet, but some course changes need to be implemented if you want to stay on the better side of life.

Answer 2

You have a purpose. Death is a mathematical equation, with many variables. You have a way of seeing the variables and solve the equation to come out with a desired outcome. This is why you are good at what you do. Now let me give you another scenario. Life is also a mathematical equation and it requires the knowledge of probability and uncertainty principles. Life is much more interesting and complicated because it's random. Death is certain and easily computable. I recommend learning about quantum physics to anyone. You will see that all of these psychological damages that have altered your perception are just random occurrences which have happened with purpose. It's quite fascinating. You will then see that life has a major function in our purpose and although difficult to compute, the solution can only be found before death is achieved.

Answer 3

Thinking about creative ways of killing people? (But you don't mean them any harm?) And the world would be better off without people in it?

Doesn't sound very normal to me. Something's going on that you need to look into...and those "dumb tests" just might be the key to unlocking that mystery before someone gets hurt. I'd seriously look into that if I were you.

Answer 4

I think I would be more inclined to view you as pretty angry.

First off, other people can't 'give' you an attitude.
attitudes are chosen by the owner of them.

second, self-victimization is the fastest way to feeling helpless.
you need to knock that off for your own peace of mind.

Thirdly, and I am sincere in this... as long as others are more responsible for your feelings and your life than you, then you will never have the power to change things.

We each have a part in the condition of any area of our lives, we need to lay that part open to easy view for ourselves and use it to form a fork in the road towards change.

Stop giving others so much power, its unfair to you, and unfair to them.

If you are unable to make the changes in your choices and thinking, you will most likely become morally bankrupt before you even realize it.

Your life and feelings are as important as anyone's, approach them as such.

Answer 5

I think some type of therapy would be good for you. You seem to be your own worst enemy. There is nothing wrong with getting some help if you feel you can't lead a normal life.