Are there any adults here to answer a relationship Q?

Question

I hope so! OK, long story short I have a "steady" girlfriend. We have our ups and downs and don't have a lot of common interest. I know I need to figure this out but anyway...

I'm into dancing and I met this girl (again) that I've known for almost a year anyway. She has a big interest in dancing and has been getting better so I guess we naturally started hanging out a lot more together. Of course, I wasn't sure exactly how she felt, but I know we've been calling each other, going out dancing, and generally having a good time. No serious dating, etc.

So, tonight this dimwit woman I used to hang around with tells this girl about my girlfriend. Now she seems pretty hacked off and I feel like sh*t. What can I do about this? She's one of the only women left to dance with in this city! Plus, I kinda like her and it seems like we WERE getting along great. I'm trying to figure out how best to explain my action or in-actions as it were. TIA for any help!

Answer 1

You don't have a lot of common interest with your steady girlfriend. So, why waste your time. Break it off and start dating. Start with the one you found. But, you have to end the first one or no one will like you. Of course, you really didn't need me to tell you this, did you?

Answer 2

You might want to clear the air first to see how this dancer friend feels toward you. She may have been thinking that your dancing was actually "dating". It's always best to communicate and talk about it.

As for your "dimwit" friend, I think it sounds like you were getting some attachment/feelings for this dancer friend and that is why you're mad at this other "dimwit" person.

I think you should have mentioned your girlfriend in casual conversation before. ie. "Oh, Cheryl (or whatever your GF name is) never likes to dance and that's one thing that I love to do."

You need to figure out whether you want to continue with your "steady" girlfriend even though you don't have anything in common and you have your ups and downs before you call this dancing woman.

Then when you have decided one way or the other you need to call the dancing woman and tell her that you want to remain friends or tell her that the girlfriend is history and you're interested and try to make amends out of what you can. You can tell her that you never mentioned the girlfriend because you two were on the way out and it never came up in conversation.

However, if the conversation about relationships - boyfriend/girlfriend came up and you lied about it - that's a different can of worms.

It sounds like you already know the answer to your question but are a bit afraid to act upon it.

Answer 3

Well first of all I think you need to establish whether the reason that she is upset is because she found out that you have a girlfriend. And if you two are "only" dance partners, then you need to establish why she is upset after having found out that information. If you didn't lead her on to believe that you were more than dance partners/friends, then she has no justifiable reason to be upset with you. Your scenario sounds a little scattered and so it's difficult to understand what the real issue could be here.

If her friendship means something to you and she felt betrayed as a friend, I think that it can be easily resolved by just talking to her. And if you establish that there are feelings there and you're not satisfied in your current relationship, maybe it's something that agreeably you two could pursue.
But you should practice honesty, it's always the foundation for a good friendship, which makes the best relationships.

Answer 4

First, you need to choose. The girlfriend and the dancing partner are separate issues, but you can't handle one without resolving the other (er, so I guess they aren't really separate..). You obviously aren't seriously invested in the girlfriend, or you wouldn't be spending time with dancing girl. So save everyone some time and break up. Then you can go to dancing girl, tell her that you and the girlfriend were already on a downward slope, and that you didn't go out looking for an affair, but that you met her and just wanted to be friends but it started turning into something more. Be sure to apologize for not being upfront and tell her that you're into her, you've broken up with the steady girlfriend and that the break up was a long time coming (dancing girl needs to know that you aren't just breaking up with steady because you met her), and then ask her to let you take her on a real date.

See where it goes from there.

Answer 5

Well you wanted an answer from an adult, so here goes.
I too love to dance, so I do understand why it is sooo great to have a dance partner. When one loves to dance that much, it is very important for your girl friend/boyfriend to be a dancer too.

I am not sure you are prepared for my answer, but please read all of my answer. It will serve you well thru the rest of your life not just now.
To begin you created this problem that has happened to YOU.
Why are you calling the woman that told this dancing partner about your girlfriend a dimwit? Shame on your for blaming her for the problem YOU created? You should have been up front with both the new dancing partner AND your girlfriend about the other. So if the girlfriend doesn't like it? Well you now have choices....1) you can quit seeing the dance partner or 2) end the relationship with your girlfriend (you admitted you don't have much in common with her anyway. Why you hanging onto that realtionship?)
You should have also been up front with the dancing partner. You messed this whole situation up all the way around. But you know, this IS a great learning experience for you.
Tell the dance partner the truth. The truth will set you free (with yourself, if you end up without both of them, you will still have to live with you) If she doesn't like your answers? I am sorry she is looking for someone to be honest to her. You can ask her to give you another chance, but I doubt she will with the girlfriend still in the picure. Again, why is the girlfriend still in the picture? Eventually, she will find out about other girls and then you are going to be in hot water again. It is best to always be honest. Lies catch up with you and kick ya hard and hurt everyone involved.

I wish you the best of luck...you DO deserve it. You messed up but you are not the only one that has. Give yourself a break, but take responsibility for your actions.
Tell the dance partner the truth why you didn't tell her the truth. Because you were afraid she wouldn't be your dance partner or what ever it was that made you not tell her. If she chooses to end it with you. I am sure you will find another dance partner. (Tip: Look around in dance classes where you will find girls that love to dance.) Women love to dance (most of them) and would love a chance to learn to dance with a good dance partner.
My last advice to you is this: Don't give up dancing for a girl that doesn't love to dance too. You will always be missing it and wishing she would dance and eventually resent her for not dancing. When dancing is that important to you; it never goes away. It is bred into your bones. Go find someone that will dance with you and loves it as you do.
Do your want to dance? Let me know ...winks :) Take care of you. Keep dancing and smiling too.

Answer 6

I've been a dj for country dancers, and a lot of times, dance partners are just that, dance partners. Most of the dancers know this, so there should have been no worries, unless she felt like there was more to it. Did your current girlfriend know about your new partner? I think, if you were keeping it a secret from her, you knew what you were doing. You were enjoying the company of this partner, and wanted more. Be honest with both women, once you've answered the question in your own mind. Tell the truth, and go with your heart!

Answer 7

Dude, you spent 2 lines not really talking about your steady, ( And none of those """"") She is your steady! You spent 9 lines on your new relationship that really is'nt a relationship. You answered your question at the end of your second line of your question. Yes, you do need to figure out the relationship you're in with your girlfriend. If there's anyway to make things better, do it if thats what you want. If theres nothing there then move on. THEN you can be acting like you were acting and not have anything to hide.

Answer 8

I guess most of it depends on what kind of relationship you want with this "dancing girl".
If you want to keep your steady girlfriend and remain friends with "dancing girl" then you will need to tell both of them this immediately before your girlfriend gets the wrong side of the story. Of course, you will also have to apologise to "dancing girl" and explain to her how much you enjoy having her as a friend and a dance partner. Hopefully that will patch the friendship.
If you want more than friendship with "dancing girl" then it would be best to call off your relationship with your steady girlfriend as soon as possible. Then you will have to confess your true feelings to "dancing girl" and hope that she feels the same.
Good luck!

Answer 9

who is this dimwit women that you used to hang with; for her to butt into your business. well, if it's not serious dating yet; just explain to the dancing girl that you didn't know how serious she was towards you and yes you have a girlfriend, but that you like her and you would still like to go dancing and hang as friends.but how's your girlfriend taking this that you've been going dancing with this other girl ?are there 3 girls in this picture or just two? which one is pretty hacked off? try to get all the girls together and talk to all them. or just hang with all them. you might be surprised on how girls get along. and relax .and then up being friends.

(all men need women ,to talk with; other than their own mothers, girlfriends, and female friends. all women need men to talk to other than their boyfriend; father or other male friends.) JUST FRIENDSHIPS.
if the green-eyed jealousy monster gets in the way; it would ruin some good "just friends" relationships.

Answer 10

Just be honest with both parties.
Let her know that you enjoy spending time with her, and didn't think of it as"dating" so you did not think it was relevant that you were in a relationship.
On the other hand, being a woman, she may have felt that you were sending her signals that you were interested by spending time with her, and now feels that she was deceived. I mean, a YEAR is a long time to just not have mentioned it!
Either way, you need to come clean .
And what about your girlfriend, does she know you are spending time with this dance partner? It would just be easier, and fair to all parties involved to just come clean and explain what's going on.