Soon to be separated father...How to deal with the anxiety?

Question

I'm 4 months into a separation. My soon to be ex wife told me today that she doesn't want to talk about compromise regarding custody or finances, that she'd rather leave it up to the lawyers...I make a very meager salary, while she has the financial backing of her wealthy parents...She sent me an incredibly aggressive separation agreement which basically takes half of my net income in child support and I feel like she's out to punish me because I called her bluff after 10 years of being threatened with divorce and told her that I was going to follow through with it because I was tired of the threats. In the meantime this is all making me physically sick...anxiety, insomnia, etc...I'm a complete wreck ...how do people deal with this kind of stress and keep things in perspective?

Just to clarify, I asked for shared custody...the last thing she told me was that I didn't deserve it.....I'm a good father, I've always been involved and active in my kids' lives. I just feel like there's room for compromise and even asked her today why we simply can't sit down and come to a compromise so that this doesn't have to be handled by a judge...her reply was that she intends on allowing this to go to court if our lawyers can't work out a separation agreement.

Answer 1

You have every right to feel anxiety and it's completely natural. I lost over 60 pounds during my divorce. I think it's a good idea to keep it up to the lawyers since the two of you have so many emotions you both are dealing with. From what I understand there are laws that calculate child support and that's it. They (her lawyer) can't say I want this and I am going to get it no matter what the laws say.

You need to step away from the situation, I know it's hard but it can be done. Go to your doctor and get some anxiety medicine. Find an activity to take your mind off of everything. Always remember this situation is temporary and will ease over time.

I was a mess when I went through my divorce. Constantly crying, losing weight, unable to think clearly and not sleeping.

Answer 2

I'm on my third marriage. Be sure to get your own lawyer. Worry about the finances later. The courts will decide what is fair. Make sure you are up front and tell the truth. Spend time with your children. Take them to the park, play ball, ride bikes etc. Prove to the courts that you are a worthy father. I am still paying child support, I had two jobs for a while to make ends meet. Make sure the temper stays completely out of the situation and stay calm no matter what. It isn't the end of the would as you will slowly see. You may decide later, like i did, that splitting up is best for you and actually becomes a favor. The pain will slowly subside and make you a stronger better person if you let your self learn from your mistakes and again keep the anger out!

Answer 3

First, I'm sorry for your pain. Second, your children are watching. Practice the highest integrity possible. Third, if your children lived with you, half your net income would be gone anyway. A lot of noncustodial parents forget that they were broke half the time even with custody. If your ex is a decent sort, she should also understand that while it is too late to undo foolish mistakes, you must both now teach your children how to cope with a serious problem you have both caused. They will take anything they learn into their relationships later on. If you try to remember that you are a teacher as much as anything else, many answers will come to you. Good luck.

Answer 4

I wish things were as easy as Mummy suggested. However, I know in reality there are some vicious women out there. It sounds like you have one on your hands. You seriously need to get an extremely good lawyer. Half the net income is a lot of money to pay in child support and have heard of it being done.
Maybe you need to go discuss this with your doctor and see what he suggests. In addition, you can go to counseling for help with the anxiety.
I hope things work out for you and this does not get too nasty because the nasty stuff hurts the kids more than the parents realize.

Answer 5

You should seek medical attention.
Sounds as if all of this stress is literally making you sick!
You could start off with your regular Doctor, and let him/her know what's going on. They can help you with the depression, anxiety and insomnia. Or you could seek the help of a Psychiatrist ( "no" not because I think you're crazy) who could address these problems with medication as well as therapy sessions. Either way, this is something that can be improved. I wouldn't wait. I would also try to get a strong support system (family, friends, etc.) and try to get into some activity that will at least temporarily take your mind off of this situation for little bit.

Answer 6

take it day by day and educate yourself on laws ect...

If your a good father there is no reason why the court wouldn't split custody. Don't live in fear if you've done nothing wrong. Just concentrate on the children call them everyday and let them know they are loved.

Who knows what she is telling them so let them know that you hope to have just as much time with them and explain things to them on an adult level.

Answer 7

Go to a counselor. It really helped me when I was going through my divorce!!! Also, do you go to church? A supportive church atomosphere where you can get connected to people and groups would be good also.

Pray, God can direct you.

Best of luck!

Answer 8

You poor thing, what about your children in this mess wouldnt you WANT to give them half of your money. I know I would give anything to my son to make him happy and I would fight anything to have him. Tell her you want to act like grown ups and meet over coffee to discuss this and the children.

Answer 9

counseling

see your doctor

mine prescribed Zoloft....working so far